I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Worship the cuteness

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn.
How dare Mommy let Kadi blog. Fools -- dragging down the collective IQ to which I have raised this site.

Mommy took this last night while we were watching "Medium." I think I should be a psychic -- I see somebody bringing me treats. Well, OK, maybe not now, but hopefully sometime this week.

I know, I see somebody crapping in a pair of high heels while Mommy's at work. Yes, I think my clairvoyance isn't so off-target after all. ...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Where's Maddie?

You don't see me
Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn.
Who gives a shit? This is Kadi, the younger furchild. I chased Maddie into the bathtub, where she thinks she's hiding from me.

Well, I know Miss Maddie -- she won't stay hidden for long. What she'll do is waddle her 17-pound ass out into the living room, find me and hiss at me. And when I meow back at her (I always do), Maddie will go to deck me with a big, fat paw, and I'll jump on her to keep her from sitting on me. (Hey, it's been done before!)

But see, there's the kicker. Mommy NEVER seems to be paying attention to us until I'm caught red-pawed trying to defend myself. Did you hear me, woman? I am not the instigator everyone thinks I am -- just because I run between your ankles at every given opportunity doesn't always mean I'm trying to accost my sister.

Here I am hiding under the living room rug, waiting for Maddie to come out from behind the shower curtain. It shouldn't be too long now, and I'll hear her fat furry thighs rubbing together on the way out. Although, maybe this isn't such a good idea -- what if she comes out and walks over the rug and squashes me? Come to think of it, she'd probably love that. I guess I should come out of hiding, then.

Besides, Mommy looks like she's trying to leave the room -- maybe if I zoom over there fast enough, I can trip her right in front of the treat cabinet! One can only hope. ...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Hittin' the box

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn.
The master litterbox needed a-cleanin' today, so Mommy left us a small, disposable litterbox for use while the big one was being fumigated.

Now, she's always bitchin' at me to hit the fucking box already, as I tend to pretty much crap wherever I feel like it. Well, today, I hit the little box all right -- the outside of it. Mommy could hear me peeing on the special rug in Pooh Corner and was last seen softly banging her head off the nearest wall.

For some reason, she says it doesn't count as being "in the box" if it's only my front two paws and one foot. Jesus H, woman, you want me to go in the box -- it's just too little and my ASS doesn't fit into it! You didn't specify to put my tail end over the box!!!

Thank god, the big box was just returned with fresh liners and litter. Too bad I have no need to use it anytime soon. She swears next time, she's not buying a litterbox but, rather, a child's sandbox and filling it with catty litter instead.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn.
This was the first photo Mommy took with her new ROKR camera phone. She uses this as her wallpaper on the phone, and she even set this photo as my Grandma's wallpaper on HER phone, too!

I appreciate having my furry widdle face everywhere, because Mommy's never here to see it. Since Thanksgiving, she's gone to Pittsburgh twice, and once each to Las Vegas and to Aspen, Colo. So when she looked at her phone, she saw these pretty eyes imploring her to come home and feed me some good food or to at least scoop the shit out of the fucking litterbox, because poohnani -- my booty stank!!!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Bad fur day

I never DREAMED I'd say this, but it looks like I need a bath! Fuck!

Mommy just bought herself a camera phone, and here I am sitting on her shoulder today. I hate the bitch for cropping her scraggly ass out of the shot and leaving my scraggly ass intact.

The good news is that I left a wet shit print on her shoulder AND on the couch. Hah! The new year's off to its usual auspicious start!