It's my party, and I'll crap where I want to

It's my birthday! Eleven years on this earth. Sheesh. Mommy's been dealing with my shitting, pissing and vomiting all over her world for almost that long and, for today only, I will admit she deserves a medal for it. ;)

Today I got to drink from the sink and I got Fancy Feast for breakfast -- she even brought my bowl to the sink so I could drink, eat and take a nap all in the same spot! Mommy had to put a moratorium on toy-buying, as we're moving in a few weeks and she's already got enough shit to pack. She's been like dinner and a show around here lately, 'cause she's always slipping and fallin' on her ass, whether it's tripping over boxes, slipping over piles of papers that Kadie messed up and spread across the floor, or stepping in my pooh landmines and practically hitting the roof while she's yelling at me. It's fun being me -- just as long as she doesn't fall on me.

My grandma came down to see me for my birthday. She brought her boyfriend and they went out to dinner with Mommy. Um, the hell? It's MY birthday, bitches! Why didn't I get to go out for a good dinner? You think this canned shit you feed me is upscale livin'? Assholes!!!

UPDATE

I just barfed up my birthday breakfast. It's all brown and watery, from all the water I gorged myself on. I threw up from the kitchen to the living room -- all on the carpet, of course. We ain't NEVER gettin' this security deposit back!!!