No poos on the carpet?

Mommy has a strict no-shoes-in-the-house policy, but today she realized how stupid and worthless it is when I shit on the carpet every other day and wipe my ass on it twice a day. Really, what's worse? She might as well just track mud through the house so I can stop getting all the blame for making the carpet look like that!

Ingenious!

I found something nifty for us kitties who want to drink from our faucets but our Mommies are too fucking lazy to get up offa their butts and turn them on for us -- the Touch-Free Faucet Adapter at ThinkGeek.com is neat! That means we could just waddle up to our basins and use our kitty mind control to turn on the water when we want it!!! Oh, it is so sweet.

I mentioned it to Mommy and she told me that as soon as I earn the $60 that it costs, she'll gladly pay shipping. She also said to help Satan lace up his ice skates while I'm at it. Selfish whore!!!

That's no way to get yourself adopted!