I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Bonsai is for plants, dumbass.

This is just like what Mommy does to me every time we go to see Grandma. Dumb bitch.

Thursday, March 13, 2003


I've been kinda pissed off lately, so I haven't been in the mood to write. Mommy is going away for a whole week later this month, damn her, but she can't take me. Who's gonna feed me? Aunt Tiff is leaving town, too. I am going to waste away to fur and bones without sustenance for two whole days!

Mommy was thinking about leaving me with Aunt Shan, but she has two little tomcats whom I would kick the shit out of. Scrawny little bastards -- neither one of them weighs more than nine pounds -- doesn't Aunt Shan feed them? Perhaps they do have food and just don't eat a lot. Damn! Why would they leave food behind in their dishes? Maybe I would be doing them a favor if I ate their food for them -- you know, 'cause there are starving kitties in Ethiopia or somewhere like that.

Mommy is also intimating at plans to take me to Pittsburgh for my 7th birthday, which is on April 2. Great. I lose Mommy for a week, then she's gonna come home and head north, with me in tow. Good grief, the trauma that lies ahead for me! I hope I didn't get any more portly since the last time she burrioted me in my pink towel and shoved me in my lil cage. Perhaps if I eat more treats, I won't fit in the cage at all and then she won't be able to take me on the road!

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Eat an Animal for PETA Day

I hear everybody and their brother in the blogosphere are preparing for Eat an Animal for PETA Day, slated for March 15. Fuck! I'm going into hiding so nobody wants to cook my pork roast ass. If you want to eat a pussy, call my Mommy!