I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Sunday, August 21, 2005


Mommy needs to get her fat, drunk ass off of the couch and feed us. And my luck, it'll be that nasty dry cereal shit that she always gives us.

I can't wait till she wakes up -- I shat on the rug AND puked in the expensive shoes she left by the front door. Heh. She didn't even wake up to hear me retching.

I think I'm gonna go drag my ass along the floor now and draw a pretty picture for Mommy when she wakes up. I think I have enough residual poo in my ass to even color in the picture,and I can always piss in it to make it yellow! Let's see, I'm gonna draw, hmm, well -- a pile of shit! That will be EASY to fill in!!! HAH.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

What would happen if Kadi tried to use the computer

'New Mouse' video

Sssh, don't tell Mommy that I'm giving you a file that requires using Windows Media to view it. She HATES Micro$haft. HATES. Tell her you used QuickTime, OK?

Monday, August 15, 2005

Plus-sized puss

Mommy changed the litterbox yesterday -- fumigated it and vacuumed around it and filled it with new liners and new litter.

Whereupon I pissed on the rug right next to it.

It's not my fault -- I'm a plus-sized puss. I got most of me over the litter but left my ass hanging out over the side. And her rug is blue, yellow and green anyway -- at least my contribution to it blended in!

I enjoy being a puss. ...

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Catching flies

Oh, Kadi. Dumb, sweet Kadi.

We have floor-to-ceiling windows, which Kadi and I love to lie inside and watch life from our second-floor world. And they're not really all that clean -- the outside of the windows are filthy from grill residue and pollen and whatnot, and pollen makes Mommy sneeze, so she ain't in a huge hurry to bust out the Windex.

I say this to set up the fact that you can TELL that there are windows -- our glass does NOT get mistaken for an unobstructed portal to the outside world.

Kadi, however, not so smart.

She was watchin' a fly that was whizzing around the balcony this morning. And she was so psyched about the damn fly that she was ripping up and down the 10-foot length of windows, following the fly.

And then, the inevitable happened.



Tweety Birds flying around her head.

Yes, Kadi tried to jump throuogh the window at the fly.

But alas, just as the fly was not done taunting her, neither was she done trying to catch it.




This went on five more times. FIVE!!! Mommy was trying to get some work done for her job, but she was fascinated by Kadi's persistence. She didn't try to stop her, of course -- that woulda spoiled all our fun!

Finally, even the fly had had enough amusement for the day and buzzed off, which seemed to disappoint our lovely, synapse-addled cat brain.

Man, I don't call that cat Short Bus for nothin'!!!