I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Sunday, July 23, 2006


Mommy locks Kadi and me out of her bedroom at nights now. I get mad because I love to sleep in the bed with her, but Kadi meows constantly and keeps us awake at all hours. Mommy tried just throwing Kadi out and keeping me, but I am an old cat and even though I don't always hit the litterbox, I like to be somewhat near it. I actually scratch to get OUT when I'm trapped with her, but when I come to my senses, I'm screwed.

Anyway, the other night, Kadi and I were mad that we'd been exiled -- madder than usual, I might add. Normally we throw ourselves against the door and piss and moan, but always to no avail. So I got Mommy good. I crapped right in the middle of the living room carpet. I was sort of nice, though, as I left a wet, steaming mess on an empty Kohl's bag, but I dragged my butt in a circle around it.

Kind of like pirates use an "X" to mark the spot of their buried treasure -- but when I leave MY booty behind, it's always in plain sight! And my booty also has rugburn. And dingleberries. Sweet, sweet dingleberries that I then leave on Mommy's pale-beige comforter cover after she leaves for work 'cause that's the only time I get unrestricted access to the bed!

Sunday, July 09, 2006


Mommy was sitting on the floor last night, drinking fruit punch from a water bottle. Kadi wasn't thinking (as usual!) and while Mommy had the bottle to her lips, Kadi bum-rushed her and knocked her in the elbow (of the hand holding the drink).

What a mess! Fruit punch flew up Mommy's nose and all over her face and clothes. Fun! In a remarkable show of restraint, Mommy got up and cleaned the red mess off herself without a word, just grateful the carpet hadn't gotten christened. I was hoping Kadi would get yelled at (as I had just gotten yelled at for leaving a big ol' shit streak on the pretty carpet), but damn, nothin'!

More miracle kitty goodness

Via Unca Neil, a story about a kitty who fell asleep in a wood chipper and went through it and somehow survived. Yikes!

Although it's proof positive that a cat nap can occur absolutely anywhere, it's also a wakeup call for humans that there are lots of pets out there who need a safe home where they can curl up any old time and not be in danger. My well-fed ass probably wouldn't have fit through the machine, but hungry lil cats wouldn't be so lucky!