I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Feelin' cute

So what if I barfed in Mommy's room and crapped in Aunt Tiff's doorway? Who could POSSIBLY get mad at a face like this?

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Treats on my pillow

In grand hotels, guests find chocolates on their pillows. But in my house, I get treats on my sofa.

During our captivity during the snowstorm, Mommy was giving me some of those awesome treats that Grandma sent me for Valentine's Day. She had me runnin' all over the house for them! But then I was tired from the exercise, so I planted my ass on the floor for awhile. But unbeknownst to me, Mommy placed two treats and my sparkly ladybug toy on my little kitty sofa. I don't know how long those were there before I noticed them, but when I did, wooo baby!!! I gobbled up the treats and grabbed my ladybug and batted it clear into the next room, where Mommy was using my computer. My ladybug ended up right between her ankles in one clear shot. That was my way of thanking her. She thought it was adorable ... and why wouldn't she? ;)

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Shitty kitty

See what I made!

Outta the closet

I've had a lovely four-day weekend with Mommy, as she's been snowed in and can't go to work (trust me, she isn't disappointed about not being at Club Medicated!), but it's deadline week for her, and once she does go in, she'll probably be stranded there for another four days. I've decided to be more social than usual, showing up at Mommy's feet almost constantly to get me some lovin'.

I crawled up on her lap quite a few times, and we watched the snow fall. I loved having my ears and my neck rubbed -- but sometimes I started to fall asleep on her, and she'd think she could stop. But nooo, I wasn't having it, so I forced myself to be awake so that she'd have to continue petting me.

I was worried that we wouldn't have enough Maddie food to last through the blizzard, but Mommy thought ahead and has a whole unopened box of Whiskas packets, just for me!!! ~*hearts and love*~

I'm mad at Mommy, though, because she blocked off my bedroom (i.e., her closet) yesterday after she finished washing lots of clothes. Apparently my fur gets all over them, and she'd like to preserve them for awhile. Bah. Just wait till she goes to work, and I'll get that door open. Bitch. Doesn't she realize that no outfit is complete without a gaggle of Maddie hair?

Friday, February 14, 2003

Heart-shaped poop

I'm attempting to crap in a heart shape in appreciation of my Grandma. She sent me several packages of gourmet heart-shaped treats, and she even wrapped them in tissue paper so that I could have presents to unwrap! Grandma rocks!

Mommy and Aunt Tiff both have special plans with special people tonight (of the tomcat variety), so I will be by myself tonight. And damn it, Mommy left my new bounty of treats on top of the fridge! But she did feed me good food today, so I can't be too angry at her. And assuming she has a nice night out, I will get a whole bunch of treats later, 'cause she feeds me very well when she's in a good mood.

Be good, Mommy! And I hope you and Aunt Tiff have very nice nights out. I will take advantage of my night in by downloading kitty porn and wiping my butt along the carpet when I am done with my heart-shaped love poop.

Monday, February 10, 2003

Butt scrubbing

Last night, Mommy absolutely disgraced me by cleaning my butt with a baby wipe. Sheesh, I'm almost 7 years old -- I know how to wipe my own ass! (Granted, I wipe it on the walls or on the rug.) She was lying face-down on her bed last night, talking to Grandma, and I decided to go lie down in front of her, and she kept saying, "Puss, you stink!" I was very hurt and hoped she would apologize. But she didn't.

So before it was time for us to go night-night, she picked me up from my kitty sofa and took me into the bathroom sink. I thought I was getting some time under the faucet, as I love running water much better than drinking from a bowl, but noooo, no water fountain for Maddie. Instead, she took a bunch of baby wipes and was pulling poop chunks from the fur around my ass. I was very upset and it made my bum sore. She was also bitter because she had cleaned out my litter and I still had those residual kitty chunks in my long hair. Finally, she was satisfied that my butt had been properly scrubbed, and she let me go to bed with her. But I was not happy. Not one bit!

Friday, February 07, 2003

Clever kitty

Mommy referred to me as a clever kitty on her site, and I am so glad she agress that I rock. Because I do.

I got this designation last night because, as she was taking down her Xmas tree, I noticed all the cool needles were hitting the floor. And as my cute little red wagon that serves as my toybox was right next to all the action, I decided that I could come see all the needles under the guise of approaching my toybox. So I looked at Mommy, looked at my toybox, and decided to go for my little football that was in the box. So, I pawed around and bopped the football into the pile of needles at her feet. And because Mommy doesn't like when people make messes and don't clean up after themselves, I decided to go after my little football -- hoping all along to get a taste of those tree droppings that I love so much. Unfortunately, Mommy's a smart gal herself, and she blocked me from the needles. She moved me away and gave me the football to play with, only a few feet away from her. Bitch. But today she's a smart bitch instead of a dumb bitch. But at least I tried to outwit her!

Monday, February 03, 2003

Damn, I'm cute!

As I looked like Terminator-cat in the photos I recently posted, I wanted to show you my very pretty green non-glowing eyes. Mommy took this photo on Christmas at Grandma's house in Pittsburgh.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

New Friend!

I don't have many friends, and that's fine with me. 'Cause I like being the center of attention. However, as I was checking my Webalizer stats today, I found a nice, prissy lil kitty who goes by The Rat has been checkin' me out. And, undoubtedly, I am the supreme bitch of the two of us, so I would like to take my new friend under my tail and do some serious corrupting -- there's lots of Kitty Porn out there for us to enjoy!!!

Thanks to Damelon for alerting me to the broken link! All fixed! :)