I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Packing up Puss

We're being evicted from our apartment complex 'cause rich people bought out the old management and they're turning this dump into "luxury" apartments that we can't afford. And besides, Mommy works about 35 miles from here and we never see her, so she wants to move closer to her job.

But I don't know if I want her hanging around those assholes too much -- I mean, just yesterday, one person asked her if she's looking forward to moving, and she told everyone about how I poop all over the house and she's ready to find a place with non-shitstaned rugs. (Bitch!) Anyway, somebody told her that she's got a glorious opportunity to move and to FORGET to tell me where she's going! Fuckers!!!

You ever heard the song "Pimpin' All Over the World"? Well, for me, I'm "Poopin' All Over the World." 'Cause wherever Mommy goes, my skid marks shall follow!

Friday, February 24, 2006


Mommy just came back from a week in New York, and she was telling us that she saw these gourmet cat treats in her hotel gift shop but that she passed on them. She figured $15 on a package that probably contained five treats wasn't a wise investment, even though they came in a cute tin. Well, bitch, then go spend $15 on regular treats for me because I was LONELY here with only Kadi to keep me company!

I decided to get over myself and give Mommy a souvenir of her own, as she's leaving today AGAIN, this time for Pittsburgh. Apparently we had DEFILED the litterboxes so much that Mommy simply dragged one to the curb and cleaned out the other one for us.

Well, as I am getting along in years (I'll be 10 in April!) and I am also a creature of habit, I went to take a dump this morning on the backup box and, guess what? It was gone! Oh well, I didn't care. I shat myself silly right where I was standing. That'll teach Mommy to keep leaving me like this and not even bringing me back any presents -- she definitely doesn't like it when I'm the one giving HER a lil somethin' somethin' to remember me by!