I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

Courtesy of Acme Laboratories. ...

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

A turkey day without a turkey. ...

Aunt Daddy might not make the journey with Mommy and me to Grandma's house. Damn. I was lookin' forward to shedding on him, but I guess that will have to wait. :) If he comes, though, Kirby and Jynx would have to come with us, and a backseat full of animals for four-plus hours is enough to make me want to cough up a hairball or 10.

Grandma says it's supposed to snow at least two to four inches this evening in Pittsburgh. She even told Mommy not to come if the weather gets bad. :::keeping paws crossed so I don't have to go buh-byes in the car!!!::::

Sunday, November 24, 2002

The Countdown Begins. ...

Only four more days till Mommy, Aunt Daddy and I go back to Pittsburgh to see my Grandma and my Great-Grandpa for Turkey Day. The only saving grace to this impending, miserable ordeal is the fact that Grandma bought our turkey from Honeybaked Ham Co. because she knows how much I love it so.

Mommy had the chance to hook up with a boy on Friday night, and she blew it. Damn her and her holey granny panties. Damn her to hell! Maybe if she got herself some, she'd be a little more pleasant today. Right now she's bitchy and looking for a telephone pole to straddle. Shit. I'm so glad boy cats don't impress me the way they excite her. Maybe then I'd need a toybox full of batteries and plastic pleasure wands like Mommy has!!!

Thursday, November 14, 2002

Holy crap

This was just too painful for words.

Monday, November 11, 2002


I'm going to hell.

Thursday, November 07, 2002

Pissy Pussy

Mommy ate tuna for dinner last night, and do you think the bitch could even spare me a forkful? When I heard the sound of the can opener, I went a-runnin', but despite my best, cutest imploring look, I got nothin'. Bitch.

Monday, November 04, 2002

All pooped out

Grandma has a favorite photo of me that she keeps on her fridge. She says she looks at me every day and thinks of this shot as the "quintessential Maddie." No matter what I do, Grandma thinks I'm adorable. Look how very cute I am:

Sunday, November 03, 2002

R.I.P. Fucker Mouse

Mommy bought me a new catnip-filled mouse!!! I am so very happy that I have trained her so well, to replace the toys I lose or otherwise massacre. We are still not certain where the one she purchased LAST Sunday ended up, and frankly, I am not quite sure where I put the one she gave me an hour ago. ... 8-)

I did manage to kill Fucker Mouse yesterday. Fucker Mouse is a fuzzy, pretty mouse attached to a fishing-rod-type contraption, which Mommy dangles and I jump up and try to kill ... kind of like a pinata without the blindfold. Not sure why she calls it Fucker Mouse ... I'd sooner call it "Fucked Mouse," because I found it in its hiding place in the hall closet, and well, I ate the mouse. Now it's a stick with a string and a couple of fuzzies I wasn't able to polish off.