I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Two-tail salute!

Malcolm stopped by to let us know the story of a baby kitty who got broken crossing a street. She's got lots of boo-boos and she didn't have a house, but he's sharing his with her so that she can get better and someday come to rule the roost like all of us four-pawed wonders do.

Click here to read Part 1 of the wee one's rescue. Part 2 of the brave bionic kitty's journey is here.

And when you're caught up, you can vote to name the new baby here. And if you can be so kind as to donate some treats to help the new kid on the block in her healing, I know her daddy would really appreciate it!

We cats collectively salute our human staff, as many of you took us in under duress or because we were going to be litterbox-less if you didn't. I know Mommy never wanted pets, but she took in Kadi and me because we needed love and a safe, permanent home, and we didn't even have the special medical needs that "No Name Yet" currently has. So, to Malcolm, Kadi and I are giving you the two-tail salute, and we hope our fellow four-pawed, furry friends will join us in wishing him and the new munchkin a long and healthy friendship together!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror
Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn.
Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the cutest puss-cat of them all?

You're damn right -- it's me!!!

Thursday, June 22, 2006


Mommy was washing some pantyhose in the bathroom sink from which I long to drink. They were soaking in soapy water, and she had left the room for awhile.

I thumped up to the counter to wait for her to turn on the faucet for me, when lo and behold I saw it plugged full of water! I was overjoyed. I might have even danced. But I definitely flicked my tail.

Aaaand, that's where our story begins.

Mommy had just opened a brand-new box of Tampax and left it on the counter. But I? knocked it over ... into the sink full of wet pantyhose!

I tried to run, but Mommy caught me wet-pawed as I dived into the kitchen like I'd been there all along. Hoo boy is she a crankier bitch than usual with no dry/usable tampons. Hee hee -- if Maddie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Fellow bread loaf

Carpet Barging
Originally uploaded by kukkamaria.
I saw this photo of Empress Kukka, and I loved it. I sit like that all the time too, especially if I've just taken a wet shit and I can lie on Mommy's clean laundry that she's folded but never put away 'cause she's lazy.

Anyway, my fur is so long that it stands up on end at my hind legs. Mommy always calls me "Flock o'Seagulls Ass" because my butt looks like a bad '80s hairstyle, flat in the middle and spiked at the sides. Asshole! Mommy's ass looks like a friggin' bouffant, if we're gonna compare!!!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Mommy and Auntie Tiff

Dawn and Tiff
Originally uploaded by tjbax.
My Auntie Tiff got married today! Yay! She married a Tomcat. His name really is Tom, but I call him Tomcat. They have two children, Guinness and Jack, who are my furcousins. Auntie Tiff used to live with us, so we go WAY back, as in we both had Mommy as a roommate and I don't think either one of us would wish that on ANYONE! Ha!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Mommy's forcing my paw on this one

Happy Birthday, Kadi! 6/6/06 -- as if we weren't already concerned that you were some sort of little hellspawn, your date of birth proves it! 6-6-6! And Mommy is convinced you were born at six o'clock, too, although that's her intuition with no real verification behind it. But I sure believe it. ;)

Anyway, today she moves from the Terrible Twos into the Treacherous Threes. And while, yes, I might have sneezed on Mommy's face and woke her up at 5 a.m. today, at least I'm not like Kadi who jumps on her and likes to fart wherever possible.

Kadi, may your birthday -- and every day! -- be a real gas!


I love being a cat. Today I was sleeping on Mommy's pillow (a no-no but who cares?), and at least an hour and a half before her alarm went off, I sneezed straight into her face. Boy was she pissed off! She already works 10- to 12-hour days at her job, and here I deprived her of some well-needed sleep. Ha! It got her to roll her fat as out of bed and give us breakfast, so I'd say that was a victory. Not to mention, but since I sneezed on her, she's been sneezing all morning. My cuteness is contagious!


It's air-conditioning season! Which means that the windows are closed, and the stank of cat poop is now contained within the walls forever. Muahahaaaa. Mommy doesn't call me Poo-Pooh Kitty (remember Boo-Boo Kitty from "Laverne & Shirley"?) for nothin'!


Last weekend, Mommy brought her mom and grandfather down to D.C. from Pittsburgh. I haven't seen them since Mommy used to drag us up there for visits, and they haven't come to see me since we last lived in Pittsburgh, circa 2002. I was horrified when I saw Grandma come into the bedroom to pet me. The hell?!?! We've lived in three apartments since we left town four years ago. How did they FIND us?!? Damn it, Mommy. They did not bring turkey from Honeybaked Ham; they are no longer welcome in my domain!

Kadi was thrilled, though. She loves visitors. She guided them to Pooh Corner and to all her favorite spots in the house. She also led them to the balcony, but as we all know Kadi jumped off said balcony a few weeks ago, Mommy put her in a cage outside so that everyone could stand on the porch. Boy was Kadi pissed! But she wouldn't whine while Mommy was out there -- oh, no, she waited till Mommy was out of earshot to bitch about her captivity. If her dumb ass hadn't have decided to freefall a few stories, then maybe Mommy would trust her enough to go out without being restrained again.

I, however, am allowed to go on the porch unsupervised, although after Kadi's great escape, nobody's allowed out, period. But like she says, it's not like there's a foot-and-a-half clearing between the guardrails that my pudgy pork roast ass can fit through. Asshole!