I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Friday, August 30, 2002


I miss my Grandma, even though she sneezed maniacally every time she looked at me. I don't understand what that was all about, because she loved to hug and pet me, but then she'd go crazy with sneezes and I'd head for the hills, lest she blow me away with her exploding head!

My Grandma is the coolest thing on earth ... we have the same hair color and style, so you know we're related! And she bought me T-R-E-A-T-S (yes, Mommy, I know how to spell it! You might as well SAY it instead of trying to get away with not feeding me any TREATS!)!!! She bought me Mow (not MEOW, because I am dainty and do not MEOW like your typical cat ... I pronounce it MOW, as in OW!, like what Mommy says when I accidentally scratch her) Mix and catty litter and toys (but I ate the toys and she got really mad about that, so she stopped buying me things to play with after that).

Anyway, I'm kinda bummed about not seeing Grandma this weekend ... I hate to miss her birthday! (although I am not sad about not having to ride in the car!) I asked Mommy if she could buy a card and I could slip a hunk of fur into it, so Grandma doesn't forget what I look like, but Mommy (asshole) said that's a bad idea 'cuz we'll hear Grandma sneezing 250 miles away. Hey, I tried ... what else can an unemployed, adorable little Calico send as a gift?

Whew, all this thinking has made me TIRED!!! Off to the top of Mommy's closet for la-la land!!!

Thursday, August 29, 2002

spreading joy... and fur

One of my very favorite things to do is to leave my fur all over the clothes that Mommy and Aunt Tiff love best. My fur is very lovely and I enjoy sharing it with the bipeds I love. This works out especially well since Mommy and Aunt Tiff both wear a lot of black. My calico fur is especially radiant on Aunt Tiff's black velvety pants, for example. I know that they love taking this little rememberance of me, their beloved Maddie, to work with them, but I think I caught Mommy pulling it off her clothes today! I don't understand! Perhaps she was setting it aside for safekeeping. I will have to ask her about this later.

Wednesday, August 28, 2002


Mommy didn't come home for lunch today ... what, is she actually working? I need to see her, to break up my nap breaks! And she told me she'd be home late tonight! What an asshole!!! Doesn't she realize, oh, that I might be hungry? Aunt Tiff better feed me when she gets home or I'll SHIT in her "dell box"!!!

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

look what I made!!

While Aunt Tiff was at work today, I snuck onto her computer and made a pretty new graphic for my blog! Aren't I a talented pussy?

Wow, all that Photoshopping made me tired. Naptime!

Monday, August 26, 2002


Leave your own trail in my litterbox by clicking on the "Comments" section below!!!

I *~heart~* cardboard boxes

Aunt Tiff has this giant cardboard box sitting in the living room from when we moved down here (that's a day I don't like to think about). I love sitting on top of it, but it's empty so sometimes when I jump up on it, the flaps give way (I don't know why, as I am so svelte and graceful) and I fall in. Aunt Tiff always laughs at me when that happens. Dumb bitch. And she keeps calling it the "Dell Box." I don't know why she does that, when it is very obviously called the "Maddie Pedestal Box."

It's time for my late-morning, after-breakfast, pre-Mommy's-lunchbreak nap in the top of the water heater closet. More from moi later!

Crystals Rule!

I don't stink anymore ... Mommy bought new catty litter today and cleaned my pan. w00t!!!

Sunday, August 25, 2002

More fun stuff

Mommy and Aunt Tiff taught me how to do more cool stuff with my blog. They rock. Except when they go to work. Then I get revenge by barfing on the brand new carpet. Hah.

I stink. :)

My Debut!!!

I'm Maddie, a fabulous Calico from Alexandria. I sleep, whine and poop a lot, so if you're expecting brilliance and insight on this page, you might want to look elsewhere. However, I am so very cute that you cannot help but love me!

I don't know much about Blogging -- my exposure to the Internet has been mostly with downloading Kitty Porn. But Mommy and Aunt Tiff will attempt to help me build my site so that it looks really cool and also so that you can see photos of me! 'Cause that'll make you happy, to see me. Trust me on that!

Anyway, that's all for now! I've been awake for 15 whole minutes and I need a nap!