I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Friday, August 30, 2002


I miss my Grandma, even though she sneezed maniacally every time she looked at me. I don't understand what that was all about, because she loved to hug and pet me, but then she'd go crazy with sneezes and I'd head for the hills, lest she blow me away with her exploding head!

My Grandma is the coolest thing on earth ... we have the same hair color and style, so you know we're related! And she bought me T-R-E-A-T-S (yes, Mommy, I know how to spell it! You might as well SAY it instead of trying to get away with not feeding me any TREATS!)!!! She bought me Mow (not MEOW, because I am dainty and do not MEOW like your typical cat ... I pronounce it MOW, as in OW!, like what Mommy says when I accidentally scratch her) Mix and catty litter and toys (but I ate the toys and she got really mad about that, so she stopped buying me things to play with after that).

Anyway, I'm kinda bummed about not seeing Grandma this weekend ... I hate to miss her birthday! (although I am not sad about not having to ride in the car!) I asked Mommy if she could buy a card and I could slip a hunk of fur into it, so Grandma doesn't forget what I look like, but Mommy (asshole) said that's a bad idea 'cuz we'll hear Grandma sneezing 250 miles away. Hey, I tried ... what else can an unemployed, adorable little Calico send as a gift?

Whew, all this thinking has made me TIRED!!! Off to the top of Mommy's closet for la-la land!!!


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