Caterwauling

The more attention I pay to my life, the more I notice a pattern of things happening in twos.

The proverbial “they” say that things happen in threes. Insofar as deaths, I’ve experienced that phenomenon. But when it comes to good luck, perhaps I’m underachieving, but I notice that things in my life happen in twos.

Speaking in vagueries, I ask you to think about it. Safeway always offers 2-for-1 deals. Shoe stores have you buy one and get the other half-off. Job seekers spend a great deal of time digesting themselves because they are unemployed but often get two offers at the same time. Singles find themselves lonely for months but then suddenly get two offers FOR THE SAME NIGHT!

I think it’s the universe’s way of apologizing to us — like, it’s trying to say, “I suck. I know. After (X amount of time of complete and utter barrenness), I will give you the joy of making a CHOICE!”

I’m not complaining — I have tended to take advantage of all of the above situations, typically shuffling the schedule around a bit to accommodate everything. A part of me thinks it’s being greedy to not say no to things, but the part of me who seems to still feel like she’s weathered the Great Depression and desperately fears another season devoid of any sprig of hope, I almost believe I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t take advantage of every single opportunity that presented itself. And, there’s another very humbled part of me that wonders if I deserve such fortune to have a bounty before me from which to choose. The opposite part of me remembers what it has been like to go hungry (without nutritional nourishment) and not even have spiritual nourishment to keep me alive. That opposite part also watches people feasting at the expense of others and continually tempting karma with their “the world revolves around me” ways.

As a Gemini, I deal with duality all the time — some things come in pairs, while others are diametrically opposed. As such, I have a very hard time making choices, always wondering if the other option not chosen would have been more fulfilling. On the other hand (there goes that dichotomy again!), I believe intuition always steers us toward the right course and that we don’t ever really need to consciously make a choice. I guess I just wish we had more time while we are young enough to sample all that life offers us. And, because I have a mad addiction to lines from “The Prince of Tides,” I submit to you the following: “And I wished again that there were two lives apportioned to every man … and every woman.”

*sigh* The reasons behind this blog entry are properly hidden between the lines. But, suffice it to say, my intuition is pointing me toward a crossroads once more, perhaps in apology for inadvertently dropping me in the desert for the past few months. I have not reached said crossroads, but I know what it is going to look like. It’s going to be a match between what might not theoretically look right at first glance but will definitely feel right, versus what works on paper but perhaps not so much in implementation. And the thing is, I’ve made so many wrong choices in my life that I look forward to moving toward the right ones without external forces trying to blow dust in my eyes — and, perhaps I might have been the worst offender in that department.

In any event, not to sound as self-entitled as some of my peers, but I do believe the universe owes me a favor or two right now, particularly in compensation for all the jagoffs and fucked-up situations I’ve endured while just trying to be the better person or to make up for something I thought I’d done wrong. I had this vision as I was driving this morning — I felt like I was going to be OK, and I felt like my salvation was coming soon enough. Armed with that belief, I know that whatever I do is going to be divined in some way to happen as it should. I also know that I will appreciate having the choice between a life preserver and a life boat. I just hope that there are some good-looking crew members on that boat, because I want to be saved in style.

On iTunes: Evanescence, “Solitude”

I had the utmost pleasure of going to Petsmart and being buried in an avalanche of litter boxes. *sigh* An otherwise good day gone to shit, if you ask me. And I broke two nails in the explosion-o-plastic and nearly missed a concussion from an errant box of jumbo liners designed for plus-sized cat asses. (I bought those, too, BTW.)

Even though this was my Valentines Day treat for the girls, I hate that litterboxes are so overpriced. I mean, they are containers that are full of shit, and you (er, your puddy tats) supply the shit!

In any event, I had a hard time finding one that had an opening big enough for Maddie’s fat ass, but I ended up with this one, and she loves it already. Thank god, ’cause she poops outside the box so often that I needed to find something that she would WANT to haul her ass INTO.

Leave it to my cat to try to take a nap in the ‘box. I don’t care what she does in it, just as long as she hits it once in awhile:

Oh, and that’s Kadi trying to cramp her style. Kadi never misses a chance to aggravate her big sister!

I was talking to a few other women in the pet store, and one said I was lucky to just have one who shits on the floor because she couldn’t fit in the old litterbox (I’ve had to keep the lid off, and even then she doesn’t always go in. Hurrah). One gal said her cat just shits in the bed. Maddie only wipes her ass on the bed, so apparently I am the more fortunate human!

Oh, and Tidy Cats may start paying me royalties for advertising their product now!

On iTunes: Zero 7, “In the Waiting Line”

I love Virginia because there are dozens of license plate designs and unlimited options for cutesy saying on your plate. I’ve been wanting to get a personalized plate for awhile, but I’m also thinking about whether or not I want to move across state or District lines, so I don’t want to make the investment if in fact I should be fucking insane enough to want to pack my shit and pay people to, like, move it and stuff.

I’ve gotten accustomed to the drive — I’ve found that spacing out and not noticing how fucking NUTS everyone else is makes for a way more pleasant twice-a-day commute. When I do feel like focusing my eyes, I am often entertained by the license plates of the people I almost hit when they cut me off. My favorite is I-H8-495 and its counterpart, I-H8-395 (I travel both of those highways every day — priceless!)

In any event, check out some rejected license plates in the metro area. I decided I want to apply for “SMRT-S” (smartass) because it’s the only thing that will fit on a plate that doesn’t involve “Get off my ass, you psychotic fuck.” And as far as not issuing some plates of questionable taste, I think we should give the plate to anyone who applies for “Asshole” or “Dumbass” or the like because, well, the first step is admitting it. Most people who are Oxygen Thieves tend to fail to realize it, but the rest of us don’t need to see their vanity plate to know that abortion isn’t just a choice — it’s a necessity sometimes.

On iTunes: Arthur Loves Plastic, “Persona Non Grata”

Said after I’d mumbled something through a mouthful of orgasmic French toast with Grand Mariner whipped cream:

Tiff: He has a 12-inch what????

Me: P … owerbook.

:D

Filed under: Things that sound dirty but totally aren’t.

In any event, Happy Heart-on Day!

On iTunes: Minnie Driver, “Invisible Girl”

I didn’t give up anything material for Lent — last year I gave up carbs and loved it. But I don’t have the means to do South Beach right now, so I looked for something easier to live without.

During typical Lenten seasons, usually, I give up dating (oh, the stories I could tell as to why. …), but this year, I’d like to give up celibacy, if I can!

After a long talk with my dearest friend Shan last night — and laughing more deliriously than I have in months, BTW — I have decided to part with the following … permanently:

Self-doubt
Ain’t nobody gonna believe in me if I don’t. I always figured I don’t have the life or the love that I’ve wanted because, even though I know I have a lot to give, I also have a lot to hide. I tend to forget that I earned my scars and, while there is no reason to flaunt them, there’s also no reason to pretend that the road wasn’t long and weary. I had one of those revelations this morning in which I realized that I pretend nothing is wrong when everything seems to be — and maybe I need to have a little more faith because I know how to make better things happen to make bad things pass. One good action generates an instance of good luck, and these green Irish eyes are way prettier when they are smiling!

Self-deprecation
I always figured that if I insulted myself first, then I’d beat everyone else to the punch. (Years of having my spirit stomped on are talking here.) Unfortunately, during my weak moments, I fall susceptible to believing my own bullshit. And, quite honestly, I don’t give a flying fuck what people do or don’t think of me — I have better things to worry about. Say what you will about me and get over yourself, because most of the nasty comments I’ve heard have veiled a touch of jealousy. Yes, I am capable and smart and sometimes even witty about it — I’m not full of myself and I don’t have to prove to anybody anymore that I am just average. I’m not. And never will be. Nor do I have to disguise my abilities and feelings and insights because others aren’t comfortable with someone who’s so in-tune with the universe. And, I will change the world someday. That time hasn’t come yet. In the meantime, I will be gathering my strength and not wasting it on pretending I am nothing.

Self-imposed limitations
I can do anything, and I know it. And, some things, I can do a thousand percent better than many others. I guess, as a girl, I’ve learned to not do things to the best of my ability because girls aren’t supposed to show off. God, that sounds archaic, but it happens sometimes. There is a part of me that is very content to fly under the radar in certain situations, and that’s fine. But that’s no reason to fade into oblivion in other areas. And, while I’m never afraid to try as many new things as possible, I sometimes put up a mental block and can’t excel at certain things because of it. Why do we do that? Am I really that afraid of erasing the cache of Bon Jovi lyrics in my head to make room for new, more useful knowledge?

Self-righteousness
I don’t think I’m full of myself — if anything, my faith in everything around me has been sufficiently shaken, of late. But, among my many recent revelations was that things are not going to happen the way I planned them to be, and this is opening me up to so many more possibilities. There will be a lot of risk involved, but something tells me the reward will be so much sweeter. It’s amazing, opening one’s mind up so much that the heart can’t help but follow. I guess I’ve never had anything in my life that made me happy, and I figured that if I could surround myself with people and things that were “just so,” then I’d find that long-elusive bliss. But, the picture shifts over time — the clarity you had in your youth was just your limited worldview in action. Eventually, you start to dream in color and sway to different rhythms … ones you never knew existed until you opened yourself up to acknowledging — and, ultimately, appreciating them.

Grudges
Hoo boy, can I hold a grudge. And, I’m tired. It mentally and even physically exhausts you when you can’t forgive someone. But, as of this moment, I forgive anyone who has ever pissed me off and I acknowledge that they might have been pissed off by something I said or did. This is not to say that I want rainbows and roses and reunions and such. I just want for everyone who is holding onto something destructive to let it slide. The memory has a funny way of lessening the pain of what really hurt you and letting the better memories shine through. Take it from me, you can’t go back to a situation that caused you stress, but you can hope that everyone else saw it as a teachable moment, the way you have. And, often, that’s the best you can do. Every relationship has its time in the sun. Don’t let the clouds of unhappiness keep you from getting a tan (or, in my case, freckles) again. Sometimes, you just can’t go back. But, you can always move past it.

Unrelated, the quote of the night (and no, I will NOT qualify it!): “Aww, Alex will get her Aunt Dawn laid yet!”

On iTunes: Bloodhound Gang, “Fire Water Burn”

I have been thinking about going incognito again, and I think I found the perfect domain name. On the other hand, having a blog attached to my real name does serve to keep me in check (well, sort of!). Just keep that in mind if you ever come here and I’m AWOL … it will just mean that I am somewhere else.

Why I say this today is because, well, I’m feeling a bit … um, distracted. I spent five months worrying about money. And not to say that I still don’t lose sleep over the lack thereof, well, I’m starting to breathe again and can fit other things into my head, too. And today, well, it’s Friday night and I’m all dressed up with no one to do nowhere to go. And for some reason, it’s affecting me and the imagination has kind of gone on an open-ended field trip.

And THAT, my friends, is all the detail I will be giving out tonight!

See why I need to move the damn blog?

On iTunes: Janet Jackson, “Throb”