LOL @ the cross comment.

Clearly, you’ve got a fuckload of baggage to deal with thanks to family, and I cannot IMAGINE how frustratingly stunted home life is for you. But damn, girl- what’s next? The EHG moving into your room? You need space and autonomy. Sooner than later.

*hugs*

I wish had the easy-button way to resolve all your issues, but I don’t. You will overcome; don’t lost sight of that despite the constant BS you’re putting up with.

Your comment made me cry with both happiness and hurt, not by the words but by the “oh holy shit can I whine when I want to!” realization.

But what really hurts? Is that I’ve been going through the motions for so long, and it’s still just not enough. I could work harder. I could be more helpful at home. I am doing absolutely everything without an iota of heart, passion or compassion. And that’s so not me.

I mean, that i went to a movie and actually bought the ticket. I have gone to the theater a thousand times, gotten to the front of the line, and turned around and left because I’m a big ol’ meanie who only thinks of myself. Not that I’d go home and pick up someone to take with me, oh no. But that I’d rather go lock myself in my room and suffer without what I wanted. Hmm, reminds me of the person I can hear breathing through the wall.

The martyr doesn’t fall far from the cross, apparently.

I always said 34 was my year. And so far, home situation notwithstanding, it has been. Maybe that’s what I need to do — declare that everything’s gonna be all right, and it will be.

Failing that, I’m compiling an awesome wine collection that should keep me drunk till I trn 35. …

As long is the above is de rigeur, the order of the day, the way it is… none of the change you seek will happen.

Eventually, you either put yourself first or you don’t. I love you to pieces and I can tell you’re suffering- but no one can fix this but you. I have been in similar situations and I had to practically run myself into the ground before I figured out that MY action was the only thing that would resolve the problem.

You are too bright, too caring, and just too damn good to stay this way forever. I know this.

And so do you.