Days that didn’t look better on fire

June 3rd, 2017, 5:56 AM by Goddess

I lied about the two good days in one rotten month-ish.

Rather, didn’t mean to imply they were both weekdays.

Birthday yes. And Saturday after birthday.

A candid photo from each …

The rest of those days are cordially invited to go fuck themselves.

Especially yesterday.

Best day ever

May 22nd, 2017, 8:02 PM by Goddess

Well, best day this month. Which is a pretty low bar.

It was great for reasons not related to the day. But to the future.

Here’s to it. Whatever it looks like, whenever it comes and whoever is lucky enough to be part of it with me.

Thank you to wanting me in yours.

‘I had just enough time’

August 2nd, 2016, 12:42 PM by Goddess

Dear S.,

I never hated “If I Die Young” so much until today. My mom was playing the song. For you, of course for you.

I wouldn’t say I’m any more coherent today. But I did reach out to some people about you. Everyone is hurting right now. I think they figured I’m pretty inconsolable.

Some others worry that their grief is miniscule in comparison to what mine must be, so they were keeping it to themselves.

A couple of your old colleagues reached out to me to see if I’d be up for a drink and some reminiscing. I don’t even know one of these people, but if I get a funny Sia story, I’m sold. Bloody Marys by the beach are on tap very soon. Wish so very much that I were meeting you there instead.

I got to talking with one of our girls. I didn’t say it to her but I remembered my life plan to retire from the biz at 46. I came up with that with you. When we talked about it, I was going to give it five more years and go park my pudgy pork roast ass in Paris. For a season if not for good.

Our friend says I still have time. I say I need to keep playing the lottery. (And I do …)

I think what makes you such a loss, other than your all-around amazingness, is that you did everything you set out to do. Moved to a foreign country. Put yourself through school. Got your dream job and quit after it was a nightmare. Came to Florida because I asked you to. Worked your tail off and made everyone fall in love with you. And finally, finally, got back to the country you love so much.

Really, if there’s any comfort to be found here, it’s that you ROCKED THIS LIFE you had. And you left the world a better place.

And the loss here is that you had SO MUCH MORE GOOD to share with this world.

Mom calls it the “season of Sweet Sia.” It’s all we had you for. It wasn’t enough — it’s never enough — but it was vibrant and bright and colorful and warm and absolutely wonderful while it lasted.

Missing you more each moment you’re gone,


February 16th, 2016, 9:10 PM by Goddess

So I got to hang with Bill Clinton yesterday. 

Omg wow. 

I last saw him in 1992 in Market Square in Pittsburgh. Pre-cell phone cameras. Before I voted for him twice. 

I’ve been to Hillary events in D.C. Never got close to her. But that’s ok. I voted for her once and I will damn sure do it again. And again. 

And how mind-blowing to go to a Hillary event in Palm Beach and be in the third row to watch her husband speak?


He’s still magnetic. Still makes eye contact with absolutely everyone. Still knows how to hit you in the feels — which he did before that phrase was even a thing. 

I have a million photos. Which I will share in time. I got a lot of other local politicians too so I want to make a little yearbook entry, if you will. 

 But what I need to write about is this. 

I had to police my Facebook comments all day on the few photos I put up. 

I made my photos public. So I shouldn’t be surprised to get anti-Hillary sentiments from people I’ve never met or even friended. 

I was surprised that more people didn’t like my pics of a former U.S. president. Shocked, really. 

I get that you’re not fans of prosperity and the era of the balanced budget. Whatever dudes. 

Sadly, I get three times as many likes on a sunset or a picture of a hot dog. 

But the tiny handful of comments that were not fabulous and actually critical of not just people I support but the FORMER FIRST FAMILY, PEOPLE … Cheesus. 

I ain’t the Bushes’ biggest fan, true. But I would shake their hands if I could. That would be pretty historic and I’d want to show grace. Because, that’s the right (and cool) thing to do. 

I mean, politics is my passion. What I do all day is interesting. But damn this is MY Super Bowl. 

And if you’re going to vote for the political equivalent of the New England Patriots, I’m terribly sorry you haven’t reached my enlightenment but kindly don’t shit on it. 

I got to hang with Bill Clinton, yo. Respect. 

Tired but happy after standing for SIX HOURS. #imwithher 


February 1st, 2016, 4:26 PM by Goddess

That moment when it’s 5 p.m., you’ve been working since 5 a.m., and you want to murder everyone you’ve ever met but you’re TOO TIRED to kill them all.

I had a victory of sorts today. First, I stepped on the scale and I didn’t want to kill myself. Yay.

Then I ate what I wanted out of my lunch and then walked my lunchbox to my car.

That accomplished two things. I got maybe 2,000 extra steps out of it. Also, I got all the delicious, chocolately treeeeaaaaatttts out of easy reach.

I’ve been on Weight Watchers for the past eight years. Other than losing 65 pounds the first time around, then gaining 30, then losing 25, then gaining 10 … I’ve been watching that weight stay pretty stuck.

Mom is so sickly all the time, so I try not to get annoyed when she cooks stuff with lots of butter.


Or when she dumps in half a bag of Dove chocolates because I LOVE YOU HONEY …


In any event, I bitch. And moan. And say hey lady, no buying any of that shit anymore so you don’t have to tempt me with it. Or hide it in your fucking room so I don’t have to see it.

And I lose every battle.

Not this week.

She baked banana bread on Friday. Which she hasn’t done in over a year when made a loaf for a friend of mine that she loved. But the friend never returned my text saying hey, gift for you. So I gave that loaf to Pinhead and never saw one come out of my kitchen since.

And I haven’t even gone near it.

But when I have crap at my desk, I get to the “I cannot get away from my desk anytime soon SO FAMISHED I AM GOING TO DIE NOM NOM NOM” stage of the day and all bets are off.

Not today.

Don’t get me wrong. I am willing to go out to my car to GET said chocolate and quinoa chips and whatever else in there I tried not to notice.

But I’m so eager to GET THE HELL HOME SOMEDAY MAYBE EVENTUALLY that I will not go to the car.

And by the time I get to the car, the craving will have passed — for chocolate AND the blood of a thousand souls.

We call that a Non-Scale Victory, or NSV.

I will be thrilled if I can officially get through today with a scale victory and a non-scale one. IthinkIcanIthinkIcanIthinkIcan…