Caterwauling

After racking up about $30 in text-messaging charges since last month, I stayed away from text-blogging all the thoughts I had during the course of the past few days. So now there’s a backlog of useless thoughts waiting to be purged.

* I’m surprised at how many people remembered my birthday. Although I’m more surprised it was more of my mom’s friends than mine. But I did get some messages from some people I miss very much and was thrilled to hear from. 😉

* A $500 cable bill bankrupted me this month. $120 for installation hurt badly enough, but to find out that my premium service plus Internet runs me $102 a month, when my friends in the next town over are paying $89 for the same package, chaps my ass just a twee bit. OK, more than just a twee bit. Yeah, I have more useless channels than they do, but whoopty-doo.

* I love looking at my bank statement after a travel month. I have charges in D.C., Maryland, Virginia (well, those are all standard fare), Texas, Nevada, Ohio and Pennsylvania, too. Within the same week-and-a-half period. It’s the little things that entertain me. (Which would explain a lot!)

* I have new coffee tables! Happy Birthday, Goddess!!! They’re still in the box, but hell, I’ve got ’em!

* Ran into my sixth-grade history teacher. Who remembers me. Fondly, I think.

* A fast-food restaurant in Pennsylvania got my order wrong. But not because they don’t speak English — instead, it was wrong because I ORDERED IT WRONG. It was absolutely joyous to be understood for a change, so much so that I consumed my incorrect meal happily. 🙂

* Retail/grocery stores and gas stations are different in Pittsburgh. The cashiers recognize you and talk to you. Like, ask you how you are, how your family is, etc. In D.C., I go to the same yuppie grocery store at least twice a week and everyone there has to know me by now. But then again, I use self-checkout most of the time and I couldn’t tell you what it would be like to be on a first-name basis with anyone around these parts the way it is where I come from.

* If we could all just say what we mean, mean what we say and shut the fuck up when we’re inclined to talk out of our asses, the world would be a much less complicated place.

* My friend T. told me that if I really want something, I’ve got to fight for it. To hell with silently wondering, waiting and, ultimately, writing it off as something I’m not going to fight for, if it doesn’t come to me first. I don’t know. Throughout the years, I guess I’ve expended so much effort fighting for everything, just so I could look back and know that I did all I could. And I don’t want to look back and wonder if it were just my own laziness (or perhaps my faith in the universe bringing about the “right” ending eventually) that cost me my happiness.

* I’ve got to give props to someone at work who went above and beyond the call of duty. Did what I asked and went ahead and did more so that we wouldn’t be behind just because I missed Friday. I sent a note to him and copied it to the next two levels of management above him to say I noticed and I really appreciated the extra efforts he always seems to expend. Now to me, extra effort should be a minimum standard. But yet, it’s going the extinction route, so it always surprises/pleases me when I see it AND when I happen to be the beneficiary of it!

Not only is Twitter failing me today, but then my Web site was down for a couple of hours. I need to EMOTE here, people!

I started being able to eat solid foods again yesterday — eight days after the food poisoning started. But now it comes to mind that this is more of some sort of bacterial problem. (Picking up strange bacteria? In Las Vegas? I’m sure that’s NEVER happened to ANYONE!) Which, yay, just what I needed. I still feel like ass but I’m too busy lazy to call my doctor. I hate going there.

In good news, however, I just found out that an advertisement I wrote on Monday pulled in $5,000 overnight. Go, me! Apparently it was the headline that pulled them in, ’cause I’ve used the same tired copy a few times before but the title was fresh! fun! exciting! and all that jazz. Now another marketer said she was going to use my idea in one of her slots. Heh. 😉 It’s all good — the more money we make, the bigger the bonus pool!

Got so much to do before the long holiday weekend — and no strength or wherewithal to do it. Calgon, take me away. …

Because these days, I am conditioned to think in 40-character bursts.

* Decided I wanted a whole new set of luggage. Reality set in and I picked up a cute Nine West weekender bag instead.

* Drove away from the luggage set I wanted, went to another store and bought the weekender bag, and returned to the first store to look at the full luggage set. You know, just in case it was put on sale in the interim. It wasn’t. 😉

* The “cheap” gas in my ‘hood is at $3.17/gallon.

* I’ll be leaving my tank unfilled in hopes that the crude and gasoline futures drop sometime soon.

* Why yes, I am a dreamer — why do you ask?

* Piece-of-shit laptop from work, well, NOT working. Haaaaa.

* Debating exchanging couch/loveseat for MacBook.

* Tried to buy an iPod at Best Buy. No one would wait on me. Good thing, as Comcast bill arrived. $345! Installation was $120, and I don’t even have digital or premium channels!

* HATE Comcast.

* HATE.

* Had insomnia last night. Woke up in time to see Bon Jovi’s new video on VH1 at 3 a.m. *sweet dreams* Ironic how my body shook awake out of a dream to see Jon!

* Wondering where things stand.

* Wondering whether they’ll still be standing.

* Wondering just what that look really meant.

* Wondering just how many outfits I can shove into that little weekender bag.

* My suitcase is still packed from the last time I went away. Yeesh. Although that probably explains where the outfits are that I’ve been searching for. …

I keep thinking that it might be wise to create a category called “Tuesday Randomness” because it is the title that comes to mind this time every week because everything that pops up is always so damned random.

So without further ado, the inaugural (and, let’s face it, only) Tuesday Randomness!

GOT YER POSTAGE RIGHT HERE, BAYBEE

Ah, the post office on tax-deadline day. Organized chaos, I guess. The line to get in was wrapped around a full city block, and the only reason I was there was to buy a stamp, as who actually MAILS shit? I pay all my bills online. I’ve used about 15 checks in my checkbook, because those were for rent payments and deposits on new places. No sense in even changing the address on ’em, at this point.

I ended up helping an elderly man once I was inside — he was struggling with the postage machine. First it was understanding it, then it was trying to get the damn thing to accept the crisp bill he was inserting. Finally I ended up giving him change for a $5 so he could get his stamps. Poor guy. 🙂

This morning I stopped at the grocery store to pick up lunch (which is still sitting in the fridge, uneaten), and not a goddamned soul was working. So I ended up helping the elderly set to use the self-checkout. Then when it was my turn, all went well until the machine refused my debit card. Christ. Figures — the only one who knows how to use the fucking machine, it breaks for!

FALSE ‘IDOLS’

Lakeisha just sucked. Wow. I was sort of predicting her to be next to go (after that oxygen thief San-jay-jay, whenever that will happen), because she seems so uncomfortable in her own skin. And that’s hard to watch, because for those of us who might ever feel that way about ourselves sometimes, it’s tres icky to watch it happening to others. She ain’t winning this thing, sad to say.

I’m just thrilled, though, to be watching Martina McBride. The woman’s beautiful, her voice is a powerhouse and, hell, I love me some good country music. And Jordin Sparks sung her “Broken Wing” song. *swoon* I daresay it was as good as the original, if not better.

PERHAPS I AM SANJAYA

I’ve been enjoying my job security a little too much — I’m two steps away from coming in there in a kerchief and a bad body wave (like San-jay-jay did tonight) and screeching at the top of my lungs. We finally discovered tonight WHY I’m so behind in everything. Turns out that doing work for everyone else means mine falls by the wayside. But I finally have a start date for my new hire, and while it can’t come soon enough, at least it’s coming. But man, the hoops required to make it happen. Sheesh. Like my old friend Kathy used to say, “I have more ass than you have teeth, so keep chewing (it out)!” Freaking act of congress, I’ll tell you. But the wait? Will be SO worth it.

ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER

My best friend and I talk pretty much every other day. Usually it’s me calling for advice or to share the latest gossip or to just squee over fun stuff or ask for her to set me on the right track if I feel like I’m aimless. But today, she was the one looking for me to give her the reason to look at the bright side. Yes, me as the person directing others to the bright side. Pause and ponder, kids. 😉

That’s the beauty of old friends. We know where each other came from, and how long and hard the road was. Perspective doesn’t come easily, but when it comes from someone else you think the world of, it’s not something you can ever argue with. I’m glad to be in a position to drop everything else and mend someone’s heart, as that heart has saved me on countless occasions. And the thing that makes both of us the happiest? Hearing the other one achieving success. Because it’s a victory for both of us. There are the assholes who begrudge you the slightest upswing, but real friends root for you as hard as they wish for themselves. Maybe we even advocate for our loved ones even harder.

CRYPTIC STUFF

OMG, happy. Happy, happy, happy. Everything’s going so well right now. *knock on wood* I hate even having to think to knock on wood, but hey, I ain’t jinxing nothin’. 🙂 Funny how we’re so damned bewildered when luck runs smack into us, after so much time spent looking for it. But that’s the problem — when you’re having fun and not looking, the fun manages to continue.

I like it when life’s interesting in a good way — I know, duh, who doesn’t? But I keep so much to myself. Not necessarily in fear of jinxing stuff (OK, so maybe I do), but what’s amazing is that when you set your mind on something, it somehow migrates closer — sometimes within your grasp. Even if it seems far away, it’s still comforting knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t an oncoming train. 😉

I’m trying very hard to stay positive and not waver in my faith in some folks as well as in myself. But today? It’s tough.

Let it be said that my faith in humanity is rock-solid right now. But on an individual level, well, let’s take it on a case-by-case basis today, shall we?

How do I put this delicately? I guess I just want to say that it *seems* like some of us hurt each other repeatedly — inadvertently, but on purpose too. You break my heart, time and again, and it seems that I can do the same to you just as easily. But I don’t want to be so bold as to surmise that.

I don’t want us to keep hurting each other the way we do, but it’s the one thing we can’t talk about. So if we don’t acknowledge it, then it never happens, right? Which means, how can you bring up something that doesn’t technically exist?

But enough about those who matter — the ones who make me ache because I care so very much — let’s move on to the rest of the universe. That said, God, you can get such a glimpse of someone from a two-minute conversation. My blood chilled.

I’m sure they walked away feeling superior, and well, have at it. Really. I apologized for an error of omission — and earnestly, at that — and while I don’t intimidate easily (and I didn’t, in this case), it’s been a long time since I felt so not-good after a “friendly” discussion.

The dichotomy is remarkable, really. The ones I *can* say anything to, I don’t. But the unknown entities? Don’t scare me, not one bit. Can’t we all just get along?!?!

Because I have no bullets to use on anyone else, I’m just going to go for the bulleted list of crap today.

Speaking of crap:

• Maddie? Not only shit all over the house but she also pissed all over the kitchen floor. And it’s a big fucking kitchen. I have three — THREE — litterboxes in there, arranged in an L shape. She pissed in the L. I hate her
• I accidentally left a big steaming bag of cat crap outside my apartment door today. I meant to take it to the trash area, but I forgot. Twelve hours after I left the house this morning, it was sitting there, stinking up the hallway. My neighbors must be overjoyed. Oh well — they’re almost rid of me!
• Clothing manufactuers are on my shit list today. Just because you have to make the pants wider to fit pudgy pork roast asses like mine, does not mean you need to make them LONGER. I look like a goddamned hobo with all my pants dragging on the floor. I have to wear hooker heels to pull them off, but when I change into sneakers at the end of the day, they drag on the ground. Classy.
• Why won’t this fucking apartment just pack itself?
• Who was the mastermind who put so much responsibility in my hands at work? I’m loving it, but I’m doing big stuff — like, stuff that impacts the future revenue stream of the company. Are you people HIGH?
• You know what’s a great feeling? Letting destiny take its course. And trusting it.
• “Grey’s Anatomy” and “American Idol” — I love them because they both make me squirm sometimes. That final scene with George and Izzie in the linen closet, with no words exchanged at all? *swoon* He’s no Denny, but to have that person who means everything to you — even if they can’t BE everything to you … *sigh* Good TV. And I’m even starting to love to hate Sanjaya — at this point, I want him on the show so I can throw things at the TV and take out the day’s aggressions!
• Why I love summer weather: Ice cream for dinner isn’t just a good idea; it’s the only thing in the fridge!

* Starbucks needs to deliver. Period, end of story. Because it’s snowing and I say so. The coffeemaker’s been on the fritz for three days at work. That’s the good, glorious, single-serving, gourmet coffeemaker, of course. Not the “regular” pots that we look at and go, “Enh — I don’t need caffeine THAT badly.” Dear God, this company runs on coffee and chocolate — speaking of, I should go to our Candy Corner to indulge at least ONE vice today. …

* We’re going through sort of a transition period at Ye Olde Humble Work Establishment Type Place. Blah blah ownership etcetera etcetera. The owner was walking around the other day, looking sort of sad and lost, as this was his little dream just a few decades ago, and look how big it’s grown. But I’m sure he’ll be mighty happy once it’s in different hands, as it’s worth a bundle. But even though I don’t feel sorry for him on *that* front, I’ve never seen a dream come to fruition and, ultimately, completion, so it’s got to be strange when the time comes to take your name off of everything that ever meant anything to you.

* Speaking of visions that I’d love to have come true, I dreamed I was making out hardcore with Timbaland — like, hot and heavy holy crap *fans self* what a way to wake up in the morning! *swoon* I guess he was being interviewed on the radio this morning (download it here), and we all know I sleep through my alarm because I can’t ever get my ass to sleep at night. Anyway, I don’t know what my fascination with that man is (although my friend’s husband did grow up with him), but I hear he’s got an album coming out — you can stream his new single here. (Damn it, iTunes, get this in already!)

* I see stupid people, part 1: My neighbor was knocking on her own door, and the kid was inside the apartment. The woman said, “Let Mommy in,” and the kid said, “How do I know it’s Mommy?” I’ve seen the kid — she’s like, 8 years old. The mother had to keep knocking until the kid asked again, “Who is it?” I don’t know how she kept from killing that child, and I swear to God, I don’t think the kid was joking around!

* I see stupid people, part 2: I went shopping in what might become my new neighborhood, and I don’t care how upscale a community claims to be, idiocy knows no social class bounds. I was perusing the facial cleansers, which are located about two sections away from the hand lotions. So this man sees that one of the pump-dispenser facial cleanser containers was open (i.e., the pump was up and not locked down), so he pumped it a few times and rubbed it into his hands. It was CLEARASIL, you moron!

* More apartment-hunting goodness slated for this weekend, but abundant social time. Hurrah! Not that I’m overly thrilled to be social, by any means, but the good thing about social situations is that they mercifully end and I can crawl back in my hole and write about them (cryptically) later. 😉

* Why the fuck did Paris Hilton think it was a good idea to stash her booty in a storage shed. Seriously? That mansion ain’t big enough or inaccessible enough to the public? GAWD. Did she want this crap to be seen by the masses?

* Apartment communities: “All utilities included! (except gas)” does NOT mean “All Utilities Included.”

* Renting a 2BR condo costs more than one net paycheck. Renting a 3BR condo costs $100 more. Jeez.

* I’m taking a hiatus from apartment-hunting, because after all the ones I’ve seen, I’m sort of liking the first one again.

* Is it wrong to wish someone would just die already so I can move to that part of town and not have to look at them?

* Never mind, there happen to be two others I hate in that area, too. Scratch that idea too. I can’t believe that, in a city of thousands, there’s only one person I regard as cool in it.

* If you’re looking at places like Rent.com and Apartments.com, their prices are slightly lower than the prices handed to you when you make an on-site visit. I would not have called some of the places I did if their low price of $X was actually $XX.

* And don’t tell me that it has washer-dryer hookups in the unit if I am not allowed to bring my own washer and dryer. (They supply them for an extra $100 a month.) Morons. Why pay $1,200 a year to rent a W/D combo when we’ve got a set that’s brand-new and paid off? GAH.

* I just got a thank-you card from a place I visited, which was the biggest and, comparatively, cheapest for all you get with the price. And it was from the same asshole who looked right at my pudgy pork roast ass and surmised, “You dont want to see the fitness room, do you?” Dick. And as a matter of fact, I DIDN’T!!! 😉

* Prince is going to perform at the Super Bowl XLI halftime show, even though the last time the Chicago Bears made it to the biggest football game of the year (1985) was the last time the Purple One was actually popular!

* I just got a note from Expedia that I can book three nights’ hotel and get $50 off. And in most cities, that would be one night free at a decent hotel. But I thought enh, I should take advantage and go somewhere I’d actually want to be. But unfortunately, city girl that I am, I can’t find a fleabag hotel under $100 a night. And what the hell is up with all the shared-bathroom crap? Dear GOD that should be iillegal unless they’re paying YOU to stay at the hotel! For $150 a night, if I’m sharing my toily, someone had better be providing complementary ass-wiping!

* I’ve been yapping about how starting a corporate blog and how it should work. Then the idea came back that, well, maybe I should think about being the blogger for it. (My idea was to hire someone to do it — I am very careful about having ideas because usually the owner of them is the proud person who gets to take on all that extra work!) But it’s not the worst idea in the world — I like to rant, bitch, complain and do things that are beyond my comfort zone, and to get paid for it? It’s either the best fucking idea in the world or the worst.

* All right, who didn’t LOVE “Grey’s Anatomy” last night? Just hearing the reverence in McDreamy’s voice when he declared, “The Nazi’s back,” had me all aflutter. That clinic idea — love it. I predict Richard steps down from the chief of surgery gig and moves on to be the clinic director. And Izzie can bake different-flavored muffins and have them at the reception desk in a pretty basket with gingham napkins for clinic visitors when they drop by.

* Still talking about “Grey’s” I am SO Meredith (minus the six-inch waistline), as when McDreamy apologized to her and responded to her blank look with a, “This is what people do; they fight and make up” or whatever the hell he said before realizing she was clueless, and then he said, “You’ve never done this before?” and she shook her head. (How’s THAT for a grammatically fucked-up sentence?) OH MY GAWD, hello what I’m going through right now. Like, where’s the etiquette book, the list of protocol, the freaking instruction booklet? You mean they don’t always run for the hills when you act like … well … you? Blows my mind.

* In other news, I am sitting here being very passive-aggressive. Foaming at the mouth, really, but set to break my own fingers if I dial a phone or type an e-mail. Because I know I am going to be entirely too honest and it is going to get ugly. Midnight is not an acceptable submission time for a noontime deadline. I’m just sayin’. A broken clock may be right twice a day, but if I bust that clock over your head, it’s a battle that nobody wins.

* Speaking of, I’m trying on another front. Really I am. But man would I beat the shit out of you if I could, thanks to two stupid things you said. Who, seriously, do you think you are? You ain’t winnin’ no friends, I assure you, with that bullshit. *wipes hands*

* I have got to call that boy back. Maybe I’ll go do that now!

My goodness, where has this week gone? Busy, busy lil bee over here. That’s a good thing, I guess. That means it’s executive summary time!

1. I am voting for Hillary Clinton in 21 months, because she will get the Democratic nomination and damn it, she should. She should run with John Edwards. I don’t know if this country is ready for a woman president or an African-American one (as I do adore Barack Obama, too), but as I heard today, Hillary’s the man for the job. And besides, she can appoint all the other great candidates to her Cabinet, and in that, I have hope for America.

2. “Pursuit of Happyness.” Loved it. You’ve got to see it. My heart was so broken by the time the ending came around, I sat and cried through the credits. Unfortunately, I went back to the theater I abhor so much and the idiots turned on all the lights during the credits and waited for us to leave. I hate that shit. I sat there with them glowering at me, and I snarled at them on my way out. In any event, the only thing missing from the movie for me was more about his career development, although I think they may have kept that hidden so that you wouldn’t expect the ending. But as some of us knew how his life turned out, it would’ve been neat to see more. One can only hope for a director’s cut someday!

3. Is it a sign when you keep missing somebody’s calls? I really want to be available for them, yet we keep leaving messages for each other. Weird. Is it that you need to work hard to get what you want, or that you shouldn’t sweat it if it doesn’t come easily because there’s something else waiting in the wings? The mind boggles.

4. One of my buddies said she’s never seen me so happy as I’ve been lately. Apparently sunshine becomes me. 😉