Caterwauling

Someone said something the other day that resonated with me, about laughter coming easily in our circle of friendship. And I remember thinking, “Why shouldn’t it? Why do we work so hard on so many (other) things that should be effortless? Why are we so taken aback when the stars seem perfectly aligned?” Today, I celebrate things not necessarily coming easily, but instead being worth the wait when they do come.

I went on a marathon tour of D.C. today, in search of not necessarily a dream house, but at least a place to live that that works. At some point — after the ninth place I saw — I was exhausted and slap-happy and declared, “The next place I set foot in, I’m living at.” And as Emeril says, “BAM!”

I applied at five places today. Not that I was in love with any of them, but instead that I realized I have GOT to move on to the next phase of my life … NOW. And it was interesting, how I decided the next one HAD to be it. Because it was.

I was almost home when I told my car, “Pull into a good place — your choice.” And she chose right, I think! I had no plans to go there (I always go out with an itinerary), and maybe that’s why the magic happened the way it did.

I basically walked in and told the rental agent, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you have the world’s best opportunity to either make my day wonderful or to simply piss me off. I advise you not to do the latter.” Because I didn’t CARE what she thought — I was so tired of tap-dancing and driving and paying application fees for places I didn’t care a whit about, but yet I needed for them to care enough to let me live at these rat holes.

And when she took me to the model apartment, something inside me finally unwound itself.

I kid you not, it’s the same layout of the place I’m in now. I-freaking-dentical. The only difference is that I have awesome windows here but the new place had kind of crappy ones. But it had everything on my “must-have” list — two beds, two baths, washer/dryer, etc. Gorgeous? Not really. But nice, you know? And I’m fine with nice. I’m fine with a roof over my head and space to put my shit.

The funny thing? I have gotten approved for every last place. It really IS that easy to be happy, once you put your mind to it. So, I have my choice of several.

I’m so happy, I could just sleep.

Normally, I say I’m so happy I could just shit, but I wouldn’t have the strength, even if I did have the urge. 😉

After my dream place rejected my sorry ass, I admit I was a bit unnerved. I figured, especially with these places with the sliding-scale security deposits (i.e., the yuckier the credit, the higher the deposit), I was screwed no matter even if I was approved somewhere.

But apparently those tight-asses lost out on a great tenant (which, DUH) because all these new places asked me for the minimum deposit. I know my credit score isn’t a great one, but not enough that someone would look at me and go, “Yeah, we don’t trust you to live here unless you pay two months’ rent upfront.”

Whew.

Anyway, I wouldn’t say I’m overjoyed. But at this point, I can start to make plans.

The way I figure it, I’ll give it two years. Hopefully I’ll be moving toward getting married by then. (I’ll be turning 35, damn it — it’s time, already!)

The rental agent actually liked me, despite my attitude problem. She was the only rental agent out of — no shit — 39 places I’ve visited who actually gave me condolences on losing my grandfather and said, “Nothing would make me happier than to know you and your Mom will be able to start your new life here.”

I mean, even if the place turns out to suck ass, it’s nice to have some people who are on my side who give a shit.

In fact, I was sort of balking at the rent price and she said, “What were you aiming to pay?” And I said, “About 50 bucks less than that.” And she said, “OK.” And wrote it in my contract.

Fuck — I should’ve said about $1,000 less! 😉

Actually, she did suggest giving me a half-month free, which would be superb if I can get it. I told her I have to fund two moves, one an interstate one, and I’m not looking for charity, but if there’s any wiggle room available, I’m not ashamed to ask.

I sort of feel like a 5-year-old right now, in general, with my arms outstretched and asking anyone around if they can spare a hug. This isn’t like me — I don’t ask for favors or special considerations or even for the things a normal person expects to deserve. I guess I’m always afraid of actually GETTING what I want, because then I’ll “owe” somebody for their (supposed) trouble.

But today, I learned that if you do ask, you might be pretty surprised and actually get what you want.

So, here I stand, arms still outstretched, not for a handout but if anyone’s got a hug or 20 to spare, I could use it right now. They ARE free, you know. 🙂

I could have blogged all weekend, but alas, what do you say when “whatever happens in (insert city here),” in fact, stays in that city?

We’ve been on a work adventure trip in my favorite city, where all we have really managed to do is work, eat and drink, and probably not in that particular order. 😉 I’m exhausted and stuffed and ready to be done with work but I don’t really want to go home. I volunteered to work the holiday weekend just because it’s a change of pace. I mean, where in D.C. can you get a decent pastrami sammich and a chocolate egg cream? We went to one of Michael Jordan’s restaurants and Bobby Flay’s Mesa Grille, to name a few, and it’s just nice to feel a little bit spoiled and a whole lot appreciated.

What I will say is that we always know when B. hits town, as the next morning? EVERYONE is wrecked. It was the Sidecar drink that derailed me — Hennessy and lord only knows what else. All I know is that I walked the streets of Midtown Manhattan for hours, froze my ass off and still came back drunk … and I don’t remember a minute of it!

Funny how we don’t have the memories of the best times in our heads, but we know they happened … usually when you pull out all your receipts and faint when you see your signature and don’t remember pulling out your credit card. … 😉

I just got an e-mail from BonJovi.com, filled with Valentine’s Day gift ideas. And isn’t it stupid that I’m the asshole who’s the FAN who gets the e-mail, when it should be all those who are enamored by me who should be getting the gift ideas?

In any event, this would fill my heart (and perhaps my scandalous skivvies) with joy:

I’d also take the chocolate bark, the teddy bear or oral sex from Jon himself. (I don’t see it in the Web store, but a girl can dream!)

Which could explain the slobbering that occurred after I opened up this e-mail from Bittersweet in San Francisco:

“In other news, our friends at Mountain Yoga are running a sweet chocolate yoga class called “Surrendering into Bliss” on Saturday, February 10th, from 2 to 4:30pm. The workshop will incorporate vigorous vinyasa practice with a Meditation in Chocolate.”

You know, sometimes I exclaim, “Sweet Jesus!” And today, it seems appropriate. Mmm, Bittersweet. …

Go see “Freedom Writers.” Seriously, that’s all I have to say today. I cried through half the movie and ended up in the ladies’ room, chatting with the gal who sat next to me in the theater about how fucking fantastic it was.

I almost didn’t get to see it. I put in a few hours at work but then stuff started going wonky, so I gave up after I finished my immediate task and took off to my local megaplex. But the two 16-year-old brats at the box office pissed me off to the point of no return — literally.

There were two windows open, and I normally use the ticket machine and bypass human idiocy, but I felt like paying cash because all my bills are clearing and I don’t want to bounce them. Each worker was with someone when I got there, so I stood in the middle, waiting to go to the next available ticket monkey. The boy’s line opened up first, and he looked directly at me and slapped on his “closed” sign and continued to sit there. Prick. I moved into the girl’s line.

The girl served her customer and proceeded to ignore me when her person left. She and the boy started whispering and giggling and looking at me. I know I wasn’t wearing makeup, but jeez, I’m no freak of nature. The couple behind me in the matching burnt-orange sweaters, now they were scary, but me? Fairly normal in comparison to the pumpkin patch. (The woman was wearing GREEN PANTS, y’all. Stem-side down!)

Finally, the girl said, “Yeah, what movie?” And I was so horrified I said, “Not if I have to go through you to see it,” and I walked away. Which is what she wanted, I’m sure, but if we raised the minimum wage for her, it wasn’t worth it.

I jumped in the car and sped off to another theater across town and had the best experience there. Workers opened doors and asked how I was and were just impeccable in their service. The theater was a little less upscale than the other, but I got a matinee price (my theater doesn’t charge less than $10 at any time of day — the $7.50 I paid at the other theater offset the parking cost and it all came out the same in my book). Good service is worth the extra aggravation, in my estimation.

Anyway, LOVED the movie. I’m not a fan of Hillary Swank but seeing Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey in high-def — even if it was in a petulant, emasculating role — was worth the ticket price alone. I needed a good-guys-win-sometimes story today, and this completely fit the bill. The ’80s hip-hop score didn’t hurt matters, either. 😉 And the “Freedom Writers Diary” is on my must-buy list, just as soon as I get that soundtrack. …

“I ain’t settlin’
Just getting by
I’ve had enough so-so
For the rest of my life.”

— Sugarland, “Settlin'”

What a weird little week. Got promoted, went on vacation, got a new office. Fabulous.

Seven days ago, I was on my way to the MGM Grand and Mandalay Bay for an escape from D.C. And the one thing I learned is that just because people have enough money to stay at those over-the-top hotels, doesn’t mean they all actually step into the shower and take advantage of the complimentary toiletries and bath salts. 😉

While I was away, I didn’t do much in the way of touristy stuff, other than catching the Shark Reef exhibit, where I absolutely loved sitting in one of the two tunnels with sharks of all shapes, colors and sizes swimming overhead. In fact, as I learned my last night there, they have a channel devoted to a live webcam of the Shark Reef — it was freaking awesome to fall asleep to. (It’s available on a delay here.)

If you’ve ever stayed in Mandalay Bay, please be assured that you will never go outside — you don’t have to. The place is its own empire, complete with a beach and great restaurants (StripSteak, Shanghai Lilly, Rum Jungle, Wolfgang Puck’s, House of Blues, Red White & Blue, etc. — I recommend them all foodwise but don’t bother if you’re trying to get somewhere else afterward on time). Everytime I was in an elevator and heard someone saying they wanted to try one, I was striking up conversations, telling them what to order. 🙂

I’d wanted to catch a show or go to the Eiffel Tower again, but really, I breathed nothing but the oxygen that was pumped into the casinos. (Oh, gawd, there went the car payment!) Sad thing is, I walked around so much that I should have dropped about eight jeans sizes, but the yummy food more than offset THAT marathon! I swear, from my room to the restaurants would have been an $8 cab ride were everything laid out flat on the street!

I was joking with my colleagues yesterday that I was like a captor who had the chance to be free of her kidnapper, yet couldn’t go. I walked outside once — once! — and immediately stepped back into the revolving doors and went to the slot machines. People were looking at me funny, but then again, when DON’T they?!?!

The first day I was there and had some time to myself to go find breakfast, I turned on my little ROKR phone and the Sugarland song I quoted above popped on first. It was sort of an epiphany for me — that I CAN have good things and I need to go after them with all my might. They’re not going to just happen, y’know? I’ve worked really hard to get where I am and it’s going to take even more work to stay afloat and maybe go even further, but it’s doable.

I mean, I’ve settled for less than I’ve deserved for so long that I have had such low expectations of people, places and things that are just amazing. I’m starting to find that the world really is ours for the asking … and taking.

I was entertaining in my new office yesterday, and my buddy who made it possible was saying that, wow, just two weeks ago I was wondering whether there’d be any fallout from a random act of stupidity inflicted upon my superiors supposedly by me (but not). But all it did was remind everyone that I’m Web-savvy and I got a big fat invitation to develop/administer a Web portal and blog, since I’m so good at it in this very space. 😉 Talk about being in the right place at the right time! LOL. I love it. Just LOVE IT.

I also get to hire someone I respect very much. I mean, I always say that when bad things happen to me, the universe avenges my boo-boos and brings me out ahead. I tell you, I’ve spent my life being happy for the success of people around me, knowing that my day would come, too. It has, and I’m enjoying it more than I ever thought I would.

Don’t call it a happy ending, though. Call it the boost to keep me hanging in there to see what I can *really* do, when given the opportunity. I would never have had these chances in my previous incarnation — growth at my previous job was discouraged; now it’s mandatory. I’m thriving, and thankful for it.

So this holiday — a far cry from when I literally tried to slit my wrists two years ago (but I hate blood, so that ended that) — I’m giving thanks for everything that happened to tear me down, because it made me work harder on the way back up and I appreciate it 10 times more than I probably would have back then.

The American dream is on its way to being mine.

A-freakin’-men!

Along with the promotion, I’m getting a window office. Yes! Although it has been threatened that the windows will be painted because you usually find me in my little cubby, holed up in the dark.

I have five lamps and one overhead light, and it’s usually regarded as the terror threat alert system — if I’ve got all the lights on, that’s usually a “stay the hell away from Goddess” day. But with natural light? No one’s going to know when NOT to come and talk to me! 😉

(Just kidding — I’ve got a revolving door just in case there’s some good gossip coming ’round!)

It’s a tiny cubby of an office but one with a lovely little corner in which I can buy some cheap excuse of Swedish craftsmanship upon which to plant my ass — I’m already envisioning closing the door, kicking off the heels and doing some writing.

It’s a good day in the World of Goddess.

I wish I could say the same for my grandfather, who was forcibly ripped from Good Hospital the night before I left for Vegas and has been abused and tortured repeatedly ever since and I’ve been too heartsick to pick up the phone when Mom calls to report the latest drama. It seems like I’m the one getting all the good luck in the family right now, and believe me, I’ll take it, but I just wish some of my good karma could be shared with those who could use something to believe in right now. …

Is it a sacrilege to put your scandalous underwear and vibrator in the same drawer as the Bible? 😉

How easy it is to fall back into the pattern of smoking. I’ll probably get through my little pack within the week, but hopefully I won’t be tempted to do it again … at least, not until this time next year. 😉

I’m staying in a hotel that goes for $300 a night (I’m here at a steep discount) and I’m so annoyed at the lack of tech support and basic room service (light bulbs in the lamps — that’s all I’m asking for, people!), not to mention the service at the restaurants. Outstanding food, no doubt, but waiting three hours for it in two different places? You could feed me a platter of dry-roasted ass and I’d probably devour it!

OK, ew. 😉

In particular, I think they had to fly Wolfgang Puck himself in to cook dinner last night — either that or my striped bass had to swim here itself. I’m not ruling out either argument at this point!

I do have to give mad props to Emeril’s. Food is magnifique, and the service is unparalleled. Headed to a steak place in an hour — nice to have something in the way of intelligent conversation to look forward to!

That’s the thing about trips — I’m so tired, all I want to do is crawl into a fetal position and sleep for the next 24 hours, but I can’t stand missing a minute of just being elsewhere, y’know? Because I can sleep when I’m back in the ol’ routine again, although I’m trying to figure out how to hop off the red-eye and be fresh for an early-a.m. conference call. That is, traffic (read: lack thereof) permitting!

Anyway, speaking of dry-roasted ass, I’m off to scrub my butt. The restaurant is business casual. Do you THINK I packed biz casual? Do I even OWN biz casual? Gah. I own suits and jeans, heels and sneakers. I do have some things in-between, but they’re a whole friggin’ continent away!

Oh, well. Worse problems to have, eh? 😉

So my vacation turned into a working one. Which is fine but after staying up into the wee hours to catch up, I awakened to a phone call with more work. 🙂 And when I checked out of my first hotel, I got another call with more work! Yay for the business center, as I was trapped in a homeless purgatory before I could check into my second hotel. But after that, I was free and have walked miles, spent lots of money I shouldn’t have and cleared my head quite happily. Fow now, anyway!

But boy, I’m having a blast — even though I’m incoherent and insane right about now. I’ve met a fantastic array of people. The fun thing for me about traveling alone is that I have no problem striking up conversations with people on planes, in stores and in restaurants. I even came across Mamie at National Airport again!

I am in a great hotel with a tub that’s as deep as a Pennsylvania snowstorm. (Or a D.C. flood. Gah.) There are a bajillion other amenities, but my time left is too brief to partake in much other than great restaurants, which is definitely the one thing I always make sure to do when I’m out of town — eat well! (And I bought a pack of chocolate-flavored cigarettes. *blush* Nonsmoking room? Not in my world. 😉 )

And BOY did I get a lecture from the gal who sold them to me! How the hell do you work in a smoke shop and be a militant nonsmoker? I only do it once a year, damn it — don’t annoy me!

In any event, I just ran into a familiar face in the lobby and if I can stay awake (and it’s pushing it at this point) I will have dinner plans. So hooray for that, although the lure of room service and a hot toddy are almost more than I can bear. … 😉

Just kidding — got the call to go for drinks and appetizers. I? Am SO There!!!!