Caterwauling

My ass hurts.

Honestly, that’s about the only complaint I have today. 420 Boy has always asked me what I’d put in the blog after I left Two Strikes. For a few entries, I wrote about all the bullshit that no longer affected me but entertained me nonetheless. I have no bitching about the new job (yet, but give me time!). I kinda like it. It’s weird, not making high-level decisions that affect the entire company, but the lack of pressure in that area is kinda cool, too, because the most important decision I make in a day is whether to walk past the receptionist to go to the ladies room or whether to take the long way around, via the fax machine/copy area, just for a change of scenery. And the best part is knowing that there is no one to yell at me, if I take the route that they themselves would NOT have taken!

Got email from Mini-Me today. Was thrilled to hear from me. That’s nice to know. But will she ever dare tell HRP that we still correspond?

Having Charolette in town was fun and a welcome treat. Wish she could’ve stayed longer! We had dinner with Lab Rat and 420 Boy last night in Old Town … good times. 🙂 420 Boy is the only person who never had the pleasure of serving time at Two Strikes, but thanks to the Land of Blog, he was up-to-date on the ranting!

420 Boy and I had a LONG lunch break at Wal-Mart and Panera Bread. (mmm … soup in a breadbowl. …) I don’t think anybody even noticed that we were gone half the afternoon! 😉

Got a bizarre email from the Washington Post announcing that Janet Reno is holding a dance party to raise funds for her gubernatorial campaign. The first line of the blurb was that Janet’s “gettin’ jiggy with it” — that’s just fucking scary!!!

God, this is a boring entry. Perhaps I should discontinue blogging until further drama enters my life? LOL

Oh, one last note … Charolette says that SE said he forgot my phone number when he was in D.C. last weekend. Yeah, a likely story. Uh, hello, I’m listed in Directory Assistance, and secondly, well, I highly DOUBT that my number wasn’t handy. But at any rate, who am I to judge?

Okay, now THIS is finally the last note … no word from DC Boy STILL. MoFo!!! But really, we met in a GAY bar when we were both HIGH on X, and while I might have enjoyed our date (where we were NOT in a bar and NOT on an illegal substance), he probably did NOT like it. Maybe he’s more of a crackhead than we all know … because I certainly declared that while I don’t condemn others using recreational substances, it’s just not my cup of tea (pass me a pack of Marlboro Ultra Lights and a vat of Starbucks’ Java Chip ice cream any day, however!) … and he looked perceptibly perturbed at my statement. Oh WELL! I have THREE … count them, three … responses to my personal ad! Woo hoo!!!! Let’s just hope they don’t run SCREAMING when they see me (or a photo of me, like the one asshole who said I looked OLDER than 28 when in fact I was 26 in the photo! Moron!!!).

At any rate, I see blogger isn’t publishing, so I’ll just post. And frankly, I’m pissed at them because I edited my template last night and the system lost ALL of my changes, as well as the last round of changes I made a few weeks ago. Unreal!!!

Oh well. Back to work!!!

Enlightenment.

Well, who knew?

Got a tidbit of news from Charolette today that fiscally, Two Strikes treated me as an exec long after my self-inflicted demotion. Turns out that they SHOULD have reduced my precious time bank payout from 21 to 14 hours (reminder, this is payout; I still worked at least 20 to 30 hours beyond normal timebank allowance anyway, each pay period), but they didn’t. That was probably a premeditated oversight on F/OM’s part, who should have told Brat to slash that perk. Props to F/OM for letting me get that extra payout every month! I adore him all the more today!!!

So HR Directrix is going on med leave? Probably from HRP stressing her the hell out. I hope her previous illness is not recurring, however. She’s a good person who deserves to leave all that behind her.

Never did hear from SE this weekend. Should I be offended?

Charolette’s coming to Virginia tomorrow night! Yay!

I’m still sick as a dog. Damn it. But it improves my driving, ‘cuz I just don’t care how fast I go or how many traffic laws I break, as long as I arrive as I arrive at my destination in one piece. Loving it, this nonchalance!!!

Need a cigarette BAD!!! Just wish I could BREATHE, though!

They serve Starbucks’ coffee here at work. Yay! No more spending $3.75 every a.m. on the way to work at the South Side Starbucks, like I always used to! This living on a budget stuff is getting a BIT easier! LOL … yeah, right!

My chair is making me itchy … it’s brown and furry and does nothing for me, ergonomically or aesthetically. But I DO love having an office (with one of those door thingies … what a concept!) and windows (although I do have a rather grand view of the ghetto Chi Chi’s restaurant and the parking lot). But I really miss F/OM … Charolette says he was printing out my contact info today … that made me happy to hear.

Got email from CR today. Funny how we had to keep our distance when I was in Pgh, but now communication is regular. I guess it’s safe now that we’re 250 miles apart.

Also got email from Monkey Boy. What a treat!

Not feeling so lonely today. Just achy and bitchy, like usual, but definitely not lonely! 😉

Futility.

This cold is kicking my ass. I thought I’d feel better today, but I feel worse instead.

Talked with Mom today … made me feel a lot better … she can always be strong for me when I can’t find the energy to do it for myself. Took a drive around Alexandria for kicks today. Got Samantha Jones washed … she’s loving it, being back to her normal shiny indigo self. I swear, she drives better when she’s clean!

Didn’t do much of anything on the drive … just took all the streets that look familiar. Luckily, Edsall Road and Duke Street run pretty much parallel, which is good, because they are the two main streets that I traverse on any given day.

Had a “Sex and the City” marathon today … watched almost all of Season Three, which mom gave me on video for my recent b-day. I HATE not having cable, not like I can afford it anyway, and the next season starts on July 21. Rats. Anyway, indulged my sick-kid mentality with a pizza from Big Bite and a whole lotta ice cream. No cigarettes, though. Can’t smoke if I tried … anyway, had a big bag of throat lozenges for dessert after my marathon munchie session!

Discord.

I’m typically a raging bitch when I get sick, and dealing with this weekend’s nasty summer cold is likewise wreaking havoc on my hormones.

Starting to like Virginia but am bored witless. Do not feel like driving anywhere because A.) I will get lost, and B.) I have no sense of humor because my head is clouded because of this fricking illness. I never spent a Saturday cooped up in the house when I was in Pgh … I loved getting up early and gallivanting all over creation. And while I am partially motivated to at least go outside and clean my car windows, if nothing else, I don’t really have a need to go out because A.) fundage issues and B.) I really don’t have anywhere to go.

Bummer.

Read a book today … one more chapter till I’m finished. It’s “The Edge of Reason,” the sequel to the famed “Bridget Jones’ Diary.” It’s campy and outlandish and would make an excellent sitcom series. Unfortunately, I find myself bonding way too much with Bridget and her neuroses. The only thing I haven’t liked about the book was when she was arrested and detained in Thailand … uh, can anyone say “Brokedown Palace,” boys and girls? Which story was the original?

At any rate, feeling kind of lonely. Would call 420 Boy but we already spend a lot of time together and I’m not into overkill; just wish I had more friends locally. Oh, what a boring summer this is going to be, if I don’t find a way to make friends and FAST!

Miss my mom, miss my buddies in the ‘Burgh. Wish they could come here.

SE was supposed to be in town this weekend, but I never heard from him. I left a breezy VM on his cell to ask if this were the weekend he’d be in D.C. In good news, Charolette will spend Tuesday night here after a thrilling jaunt to Lancaster as a favor to F/OM. We won’t have much time together, but hey, a girls’ night on the town never hurt anyone! At least she’s finally *allowed* to go out with us! Woo Hoo!!!

Solved the dilemma of the 10-year-reunion. For the unfamiliar, I do NOT plan to attend my 10-year high school reunion later this year, but there is a separate reunion for July 13 that I planned 10 years ago with Pinhead, Tuna and Frumper. I knew back then that I was only hanging around with them until I made real friends, which I did when I went to college. They were just assholes, with a possible exception for Pinhead, who was at least real when he was with me, just not when others were around. But long story short, even that ended, and we always had July 13, 2002, as our “reunion” date because I’d thought it would be cool for us to meet 10 years down the road, at a time when I was certain that none of us would be speaking to each other (but I didn’t tell THEM that!).

Well, if I were in the ‘Burgh, I’d have gone, out of curiosity. But because fuel is expensive and frankly, I just hate the drive, I will NOT be going to the reunion from hell (not like any of them will be, really), but I’ve alerted Mom to the time and date, and she plans to take my grandfather to the place in question for dessert. That way, I won’t have to look at the idiots, and if they really are there, well, they liked her better than they did me, anyway!!! lol

The way I figure, I ran into Pinhead a few times when I worked in Downtown Pgh, and after the day I dared to approach him and he was a complete shit to me, well, fuck him. He was the only one I cared to see, anyway. Oh well. No loss. The loss was his, and I hope he realizes that.

I should give Chris and Judy a call. I see that Janna emailed … I have yet to read it … I feel bad ’cause she sent me a nice little birthday gift before I left and I never thanked her for it. I also miss Dawn and Charolette and Lori and Wayne and Howard. I never did write to CR, who emailed me a few times to wish me luck and to ask me to keep in touch. But he understands that it’s hard for me, knowing that there was something between us and that there was not a thing we could do to be together. But I will email when I am ready.

I think I’ll call Judy today. I miss our escapes with Chris to The Getaway for wings and sammitches. Mmmm.

CH emailed today to ask how it’s going. Such a shame, what happened last summer. On June 23, 2002, one year ago to the day, I lay on my floor and stared at the ceiling, wondering how it all got so far. I lay in that same position on that day in 2001, wondering the same thing but for a whole ‘nother reason. I had memorized ever detail in that ceiling in my living room, as if I could find myself or life’s answers somewhere between the paint smudges. My ceiling here is smooth and beige … no wisdom is embedded in that ceiling … just loose floorboards exist above it and nitwits who run around like banshees at all hours of the day. 🙂

God, I miss YKW. I hate myself, just hate myself to no end, for the way I let him pervade my thoughts. I will never forget those eyes … I thought I saw a lifetime in their depths. I was obviously mistaken. Could he ever understand that just a word from him, even an unkind one, would help me to bring some kind of closure to that chapter of my life?

No word from DC Boy. Haven’t heard from 42 Boy either. And nothing from SE … my god! Am I losing my touch? LOL

I am SO going to update my personal ad, like RIGHT NOW!!!!

😉

Happy Birthday, Charolette!!!!!!

Whatever.

I am trying like hell to remove the post below, and everytime I click “edit,” a pron website keeps showing in the lower half of my page. It’s weird as all hell. I was trying to post some cool links, with my limited knowledge of HTML, so naturally they didn’t appear. Humph.

Had a nice Fourth of July with 420 Boy and his beloved. Didn’t see any fireworks live and in person, but that’s okay with me … I’m not into traffic and crowds right now, so a nice quiet evening at home with them, watching the fireworks in New York (of all places, when I live down the street from D.C. … lol) was A-OK with me. Luckily, there were no instances of terroristic activities, which was great yet expected. My theory was that if there were going to be another attack on America, it would happen today, as we are all smug and happy that they didn’t “get” us yesterday. The next attack (and unfortunately, I believe there will be at least one more) will occur just like 9/11 did, which was just a random Tuesday with no special significance before the attacks happened. I think 9/11 will go down in history as a national holiday as big as July 4; I expect no less than fireworks and parades and other patriotic events on the upcoming 9/11. Hell, I’ll bet we DO declare it a national holiday and give the American workforce a day off … after all, everyone who died that day was either working or died working to save those in the buildings in question … and I don’t think the American public would object to a national holiday based on that alone!

Mom said two planes were grounded in Pgh yesterday … something about bombs. It never hit the news down here, but there was a fatal shooting at LAX that was terroristic in nature. I’ll have to read the New York Times and get the story … I was falling asleep when the news report flashed on the screen.

Feeling drained right now, not like I did a whole lot of anything today. I’ve just been thinking way too much, and it’s killing me. Gotta let the little things go … can’t keep festering over the various details (the minutiae, as HRP always says).

I’ve gotten lost about four times since I arrived here to stay. The good thing is, the puzzle pieces are falling into place, and thanks to 420 Boy, any street where I get lost, I have either been on it or near it, so things look familiar, or I know in which direction to drive where I will find some familiar landmark, so that I can get back on track. It’s kind of interesting, seeing my city from outside the safety of my new bedroom. Now if only I could find some hot young thing to bring BACK to the bedroom, I’d be fine!!!

Dissonance.

Reality has smacked me in the head with a two-by-four. Here I am. There I was. I don’t know … I’m just feeling rather bitchy today. I don’t feel like being nice at all right now. I find myself looking for the Apple + Undo function, like maybe I could reverse things … not that the reverse would be better, but I’m just kinda over the everything-new thing right now.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Just read Charolette’s post about the State of the Union at Two Strikes. My god. Paying benefits based on salary? One wonders if HRP will decide that her janitor/husband should be the one having the family’s insurance coverage taken out of his meager paycheck instead of her inflated one. Poor F/OM has to take the second hardest hit in the agency … there they go again, screwing over the good people. Another reason I am thankful to have left, although I presently have NO coverage because I haven’t yet met with HR at CT to even obtain coverage. Hope I don’t get into any car accidents!!!

Went grocery shopping today after work; although the store is maybe a mile away from the workplace, I still got lost on the way back. Had some melted ice cream in the trunk, so I had to scarf up the melted portions so they wouldn’t spill all over our clean freezer. LOL. Yeah, like I ever need an excuse to wolf down some ice cream! Ha! But I am pleased to report that I cut off two people, like a good little Virginia driver should! 😉

Not much else is news. Haven’t heard from DC Boy, which troubles me. I figure, when I can’t stand the guy, I can’t get rid of him, but when I actually WANT one to call, he doesn’t. This sucks!!! I did email on Sunday; maybe I’ll give a friendly little call tomorrow, for giggles … IF I am in the mood!

CD rack is still standing. Woo hoo!

Work was okay; spent two whole hours working yesterday, before a field trip to IKEA (LOVE my new silver mesh hamper!), and had my first full day at the office today. The pace is way different than Two Strikes — everyone’s so laid-back, so NOT in a rush. My god. At Two Strikes, you tended to feel guilty for not accomplishing 65 things before the end of the day, and the day there did NOT end before 5 p.m., if you were one of the star performers, which I was. I see a very leisurely future at CT, which is fine, because that will give me time to pick up some freelance work so that I can actually afford my expensive little life.

The hot gossip at work is that someone sent a six-page email to 420 Boy’s boss, demanding that someone be fired because she’s a twit. LOL … good luck! Don’t you people know that it’s nearly impossible to fire someone? The woman in question was downright pleasant to me today, but I hear it’s a facade. One nice thing about today, though, was that when 420 Boy was introducing me to the crew, everyone said what a good guy he is. That was nice for him to hear. 🙂

Gonna stop blogging so I can chat with Charolette and get the gossip on the State of the Union address.

Well, this is just strange. It’s almost 2:15 p.m. and I still haven’t started working yet. Perhaps HRP’s ironic statement that I’d better show up for work wasn’t so ludicrous after all. 😉 Thanks for the email, Charolette!!!

Waiting for a call from 420 Boy to get my act together and go look at the finished magazine before it goes to press. And then … a trip to IKEA!!! Woo Hoo!!!

Paid some bills online today. Ouchie. So sad to see what little money I have, go swirling down the cyber toilet. I avoided Duquesne Light and AT&T Broadband because I know they will be sending me some final totals in the coming weeks (so I can discard the three-month pileup of each account for now. Yay!). Still have to pay student loans and car payment, though, but lord only knows where I will cough up that much money at this given time. Need to start that prostitution ring soon, so I can have an extra stream of income. … 😉 Call me Heidi Fleiss!!!

Somewhat emotional today. Saw some old pix, and remembered some good times with Janna and Kristin others from my early years.

Too tired to breathe right now. And I just smoked my last cigarette, and although 7-11 is literally across the street from me, I have no desire to go out into the 95-degree heat just for that. Oh well … guess I’ll just hafta breathe CLEAN air for a change! 😉

Happiness.

At long last, happiness. I’ve still got so much work ahead of me — the apartment, the job, the psyche — but I know that if I can just stay alive on these Washington streets, I will be okay.

Had a good time last night with DC Boy, the one I met in April. I probably talked too much, but that’s hardly a first for me. Am hoping for a second date. He’s sweet and mild and articulate and brilliant. Although … he has had bad experiences with Geminis (he’s a Capricorn … understandably!), but alas, he unknowingly had the quintissential Gemini sitting right in front of him … moi! We had a nice little meal in Dupont Circle, and that was that … he had moved a friend all day, so we were both kinda wiped out from moving adventures.

Too early to tell where, if anywhere, this is going. That’s okay. I’m in no rush. I just think it’s cute how we’ve kept in touch for the past two months, and we got to see each other during my first weekend here. If this does go anywhere, well, we live almost an hour and a half apart (damn Beltway). I understand that people down here don’t date people on the other side of DC because of the traffic. LOL. I just need to become a much more confident (and aggressive!) driver so that I can not only survive in this city, but also maybe see DC Boy if and when opportunity should arise.

Saw 42 Boy on the day before the movers came. I am unquestionably sexually attracted to him, yet I just can’t shake the feeling that he might be married. Even Mom, who had never met him until he helped me grab some stuff from her place on the day before the move, casually mentioned to me that she wondered if he were married (and this was without me even saying anything to her). He talked about his little boy, but says that he and the mom are on good terms and he can see the child whenever he wants. I don’t know … maybe it’s my own paranoia from being scorched a few times, and from also seeing my friends get into these situations as well, perahps it is best that there is no emotional attachment.

SE is coming to DC this weekend and wants to see me. I do miss him and am looking forward to the visit. He has kind of backed off, which I appreciate. I was talking a bit to DC Boy about my past (although I did not let on how recently the past events have occurred), and I hit my own moment of clarity in describing the Bermuda Love Triangle … SE reminds me of YKW, not physically or emotionally but rather the fact that the three of us were always together, always a team, and in letting go of YKW, I can’t jump into something with SE because the wounds are still sort of fresh. Once in awhile, I find myself thinking of YKW, and how on his last day of work was the day I decided to take the job in Alexandria. What if I hadn’t told him that I’d accepted the offer that day?

Well, enough of the “what if” game … he was the one who chose to distance himself from me and from the friends he’d made. Frankly, it would be just as easy for me to date someone in Pittsburgh as in Maryland, because once I get past the fucking Beltway, I don’t mind the additional driving. But I digress. I’ve made enough life decisions recently, and I really liked being with DC Boy and the lack of pressure for anything more than an evening outside of my cardboard-filled apartment. Here’s to hoping for more evenings like that.

I also see an email from CMU Boy in my inbox. How exciting! Looking forward to meeting at the Melissa Etheridge concert in the ‘Burgh next month.

F/OM emailed me … that was pleasant, to see such a quick response to the email I sent yesterday. Oh, how I wish I could’ve taken him with me as I ran screaming from Two Strikes. I wish all the best for F/OM, I really do. It would have been nice to keep working with him, but it got to a point where working with him was one of my few reasons to stay at The Wasteland. I’ve mentioned that we should go into business with a few of our associates like Emily and Lori, and he loved the idea. Well, at any rate, Lab Rat and I (and maybe 420 Boy) will get our own business up and running, and F/OM would be the first person I called for accounting assistance. So many dreams I have … and it may take forever, but I’d love to see them all come true.

I have so many wonderful people in my life, and I am grateful for every one of them. I just wish I could hold them all close to me forever.

“I wish for a place

Where the earth doesn’t shake

And if the world can’t be still

Then I will

Can you tell me if I’m near

To anywhere but here.”

— Lisa Loeb, “I Wish” (from the “Anywhere But Here” soundtrack) —