Caterwauling

My workplace never fails to amuse me.

So yesterday, our marketing director gave each department that she works with a huge popcorn tin. I don’t really work with her, but she did give a tin to Demure to share with the membership and newspaper staffs. In any event, the office Candy Pig was last seen stealing the tin from the executive staff. I think she even took it home. She raids everybody’s candy jars, but that was ridiculous — I even overheard other staff chastising her for being such a greedy little shit.

So Demure decided to take our departmental popcorn tin and lock it in her office last night, hidden in a corner. (Insert my snickering that it’s not, say, a toner cartridge or corporate credit card, but a $7.99 Wal-Mart popcorn tin!)

In any event, our offices were broken into last night. I probably left around 7, so it was after that. The weird thing is that nothing was stolen. Several offices showed signs of forced entry (not mine or anyone else I like, although, granted, that doesn’t leave many people!). I decided that it was Candy Pig who broke into all the offices, looking for popcorn tins. 🙂 Shan liked that and decided we should call her Popcorn Bandit from now on. 🙂

Related. …

That’s scary about the break-in last night. I’m always among the late shift — oftentimes I’m the only one here. I filed a report three weeks ago with H.R. to say that every night and weekend, there are shady people supposedly fixing their cars out by our dumpsters. It’s the same white car and black car, and there’s occasionally a silver Eclipse. I assume it’s a drug ring, but in any situation, it’s frightening to see 14 people and two or three cars at any given time. I had warned all my fellow employees that they shouldn’t park behind the building (which I do, because I can watch my car from my office) after hours, and I thought H.R. should officially step in and be proactive about us taking safety precautions. And she did respond to my report, saying that she would have the building management send a memo to all businesses in the building about suspicious activities and maybe giving us a list of ways to protect ourselves.

So, fast-forward to today, and don’t make me state the obvious that I never heard word one since my report. Cruise Director sent out an e-mail to all of us, stating things like, “In case you haven’t heard about the break-in” and “if you see anything suspicious, let us know.” It took all the power in me to not respond with, “What? And wait till I’m 35 for you to do something with my report?”

I told Shan that I’d like to see H.R. offer some type of safety or self-protection seminar, to respond to this. She said H.R. will probably rant (like always) that people hate it when she schedules things. I told her I probably don’t even have the time personally to attend such a seminar, but they need to show some sort of response and aftercare for their (mostly female) employee pool. Of course, there I go again, offering ideas and solutions and not being happy with the status quo. Bad girl. 🙂

I continue to be awed and inspired and so very much encouraged by all the great comments I’ve been receiving about my pending business venture. Thanks and hugs o’plenty for the sentiments!

I just did a huge entry (that got lost) about Phase One, which occurred today. Let’s just say that it went fine. It unfortunately revealed another roadblock, which I will call Having to Run it Up the Flagpole. Meaning, the right person agreed, but Someone Else has to approve or it’s a bust. This has to do with securing free/cheap space in which to host said project (because you can’t meet clients in your home, not that I’d want to, for this particular project). But, just in case, there will be a backup plan.

I had the best therapy last night — I wrote a business plan. I immersed myself in it, actually. It’s not overly formal — I just laid out my goals and objectives (believe it or not, there’s a difference!), figured out what to do and when to do it, and thought about how to do it. In fact, I’ve pretty much been spending every free minute on this — it is what is really important to me right now. I love to sit and dream and plan, only now, the stakes are so much higher — I have to put this plan into motion, and that’s something new to me. I am horrible with follow-through. I don’t nomally prioritize well — usually something else unrelated comes up and my attention becomes permanently diverted. In any event, I’m not going to save the world, but I’m sure as hell going to try. 🙂

Shan and I met with a make-it-happen person today, who gave us lots of advice. And we appreciated it (really, the support behind it), but we disagreed with some of it. We want to start small and manageable, and build up as we work out the bugs and kinks and manage to free up more and more time (i.e., we can’t quit our day jobs — this is just an off-hours venture for now). He suggested the reverse — get capital (human and financial) and dream big. Do something huge and, while we’re enjoying the successs from that, start the smaller, side projects. I like that idea, but for now, we need small, measurable successes to continue encouraging us. I would hate to put in a lot of work into one big venture and watch it flop. He’s concerned, though, that a small venture may lead to a small — yet so very large — failure. He doesn’t want us to invest our hopes in this series of successes and get crushed if the house of cards falls down right away. But our small venture doesn’t require much for start-up, and therefore, if it flops (which Shan says it never will because we will refuse to accept failure as an option), we haven’t lost much.

In any event, it feels so very good to have a purpose — to channel my energies for my future. Shan and I have kind of had a “No Negativity” theme going this week — don’t allow anybody (including ourselves) to burst our bubble about anything. Even at work, we’re not complaining about it, instead just shaking our heads and reminding ourselves that the pain can’t and won’t last forever.

If I can be honest, I’m scared. But it’s a good type of scared — more like butterflies instead of rocks in my stomach. I think about this all the time now. Shan and I are huge proponents of the possibilities once we have established one project — we will make this one self-sufficient, and we will go on to create more and more. It’s a neat precipice to be standing on … and to REALIZE you’re standing on it. Because this is the time we’re going to remember when we’re looking back and smiling at how hard it was until we found a way to make things better. Things don’t have to be hard. They really don’t. Or, at least, they don’t have to be hard forever. You find ways to cope or, better yet, overcome. And then, you show others how to do it for themselves.

And that, my friends, is the plan, and I’m stickin’ to it!!! 😉

Naughty Gingerbreadman

Rejected title: ‘Anthropomorphic fucktards run around in the snow and giggle’

… reviewed by and for the cynical adult. These are real reviews for real movies — a bit old but still funny as shit.

On the “Christmas in the Snow” Teletubbies movie: They say the secret to a successful movie pitch is distilling the plot down to a single sentence. For example, Die Hard’s pitch would be “Man fights terrorists in an office building,” while the pitch for Never Been Kissed would be “Drew Barrymore eats own weight in fudge.” Well, if that theory is correct, Teletubbies might be the most successful movie of all time, because its pitch is simply “Anthropomorphic fucktards run around in the snow and giggle.”

From “The Christmas Story Keepers”:So it’s pretty exciting stuff. Between bouts of hiding behind inanimate objects, the fat guy sits the children down and tells them Bible stories. It’s also worth noting that the segues into these stories are always set up in the most blatant manner possible, such as having one of the kids say, “Look at that river! I wish *I* could walk on the water!” To which the fat guy will naturally respond, “You know who could walk on water? JESUS.” These segues are easily the most enjoyable moments of the film, and some of them had me cracking up. In fact, I’ve spent the last several days annoying everybody in my life by shamelessly copying this movie (“You know who else hated ninjas? JESUS.” “You know who else sucked at Mario Kart? JESUS.”). So for those who have complained that my reviews are always too negative, there’s a positive point for you. This movie makes blasphemy fun for the whole family.”

*updated*

I had a major meltdown yesterday morning. I got paid (yes, we get paid on the 7th and 22nd and have furlough days in between. What a company!), so I was writing out my bills. Turns out that my FUCKING insurance company decided to cancel my policy because I sent my payment in LATE.

I hate insurance companies with every ounce of bile in my body. Really — there was no official due date for the payment, so I sent the check when I got paid (see screwy schedule above). They clearly cashed the check but decided that it wasn’t received in a timely enough fashion, so I need to pay the balance ($642) by Christmas Eve, or I have no policy.

I lost my fucking mind. I called my agent and rambled for 20 minutes how I’m not able to afford Christmas this year anyway and how my darling company sees fit to furlough days and negatively impact my bill-paying process anyway, so if they think I can pull $642 outta my ass right now — especially during this festive season — they can sit and spin. Further, I told him, I will be glad to drive the car off the nearest cliff on the day before the policy expires. Therefore, he needs to figure out how we can resolve this. I don’t care if they even want the next payment now — $211 is better than $642 anyday!

*deep, cleansing breaths* Serenity, now, my friends. I shall overcome. I have a plan. I’m not talking about the plan, but I’ve got one. Let’s just say that I am calming myself with thoughts of these insurance companies and creditors lining up at MY doorstep, begging to have me as a client because I’m such a desirable candidate. And someday, I will slam that door in their faces, instead of begging them to not kick me out of their systems.

Update

*whew* My broker came in and saved the day (I was ready to have him sign me up for another insurance plan). All I have to do is pay my normal payment by the end of the month, and I’m in the clear. You could tell he was praying that he got my voice mail when he called and I picked up. He asked me what furlough days are, and I explained that I hated being behind in my payment, too, but if you are barely taking home enough money to pay your rent/car payments (especially when you were expecting more), it’s hard to meet all your bills right away. He was very cool, and I am a happy girl. It’s still gonna be a sucky Christmas as far as having money to burn, but I’ll be OK. I always am.

Phase One of Dawn’s Grand Scheme goes into effect tomorrow. If you’re so inclined to pray or hope or send good wishes, I’m taking my first step toward my future around 10 a.m. 🙂

Shan called this morning and asked if I’d want to go work out this afternoon at the evil empire of Bally. I said sure, got ready, cleaned the metric ton (it seemed) of snow off of my car, fought moronic drivers down Little River Turnpike and parked right by her. She jumped out of her car and said, “Wanna go to the Chinese buffet instead?” So I said sure, and off we went. Our workout was running around the buffet spread, picking out lunch. Now THAT was my idea of a workout!!!

I LOVE this!!! Thanks, Leslie, for making me smile today!

You know, it snowed way more when I lived in Pittsburgh, but I just don’t remember the sticky white stuff being such an inconvenience there.

On the news last night, I heard that the City of Alexandria only budgeted for $24 million for snow-related services — after blowing the budget sky-high last year with more than $48 million spent on salting, shoveling and hauling the shit somewhere. I was also disturbed when the newscaster noted that they will not pre-salt the roads just before the snow starts, nor will they be able to get to all the areas of the city — just the ones that really need it, and if there are materials left over, then they’ll take care of the areas that weren’t hit so hard.

*thunk*

Really, in Pennsylvania (and I’m sure, many other northern states), the reason the commutes aren’t overly treacherous is because PennDOT is on the roads all night, salting away so that, when the storms hit, the snow is melting practically upon impact. And as far as the “we’ll get to you …. maybe” point, well, I would like a refund on my personal property taxes, then, if my residence in the city doesn’t mean a damn thing (remember how I went without power/hot water for seven days after Hurricane Cuntrag this summer?).

It seems like only an inch has accumulated outside, but on the radio this morning, the list of accidents in the D.C. metro area was mind boggling, and most of them are in Northern Virginia. I’m sure there are horrifyingly bad drivers everywhere, but an unusual number of them seem to be concentrated here. That’s all the more reason to prep the roads before the masses get behind their wheels and terrorize innocent drivers.

In any event, I shall keep watching for the federal government to close, because, even though I’m not really afraid of driving in snow, I sure can use a day off from work!

I had a vision of my name in lights.

I write often about how I’m going to change the world … or, rather, how I’m going to change mine. So everyone may be yawning and saying “whatever” when they read that first sentence of this entry, but this time, I’ve raised the stakes. If I don’t make a difference right now, I never will. And I will no longer permit myself to dream about it, if I don’t get off my ass this instant and start my own personal revolution.

I was doing a lot of thinking during the brief drive to work (thank you Van Dorn Street for being traffic-free today!). I thought about the cliche of “having shoes to fill.” No, I’m not talking about Carrie in “Sex and the City” with her $400 Manolos. I’m talking about people’s expectations of you versus your own expectations. We think of filling someone’s shoes as being an honor, a privilege, a challenge — for example, carrying on in the name of fallen heroes, or even stepping into a higher position at work when someone has left.

But sometimes, it feels like we are expected to fill smaller, tighter shoes that chafe. Like, when you hear enough negative things about yourself (from the source or from third parties) that you might start to shrink into those shoes. Like if someone has an opinion about you — and you don’t even necessarily have to agree with it — then there is that fleeting moment of paranoia that maybe everybody is thinking that about you. Why are they thinking it? Is that because that’s how you are, or maybe that’s the road you’re heading down? And if you’re heading down that path anyway (or you arrived and didn’t even realize it), maybe you just grow into those shoes and just be as (insert adjective) as people see you?

In my bedroom closet, I must have at least 100 pairs of shoes, and I probably can name 100 different adjectives about myself that I can wear with each pair. So what if I’ve gotten most of them from Parade of Shoes, Payless and Marshall’s (i.e., on discount) — each one, in some way, reflects a little bit of me. Some are loud and flashy, some are funky, some conservative, some barely noticeable, some brand-spanking and never worn, some worn about a dozen more times than they should have been. Some are too loose, some too tight and some fit beautifully and make me feel great when I have them on.

Some days, I choose my shoes. Other days, I’m running late and grab whatever’s nearby. One could say that, each day, I make a conscious or maybe even subconscious decision about the shoes I plan to fill for the day. Metaphorically, I don’t give a shit about anybody’s opinion but mine. And that’s an opinion I really need to carry over into my personal life and work life.

Our on-site mental health professional was talking to me today about my horrific letters to the editor of late. He asked what the publisher does to ensure that I am personally OK after reading the onslaught of insults. I laughed and said nothing. He said he’s concerned about my well-being, that a person can only hear so much crap about themselves (particularly when it’s fabricated in someone else’s mind) before it takes a toll on their mental well-being.

You know, this was the first time anybody ever asked me what I felt — I always read the letters, call the people assholes, edit the letters and run them in the magazine. Same with other kinds of criticism I get — I process it and take what I want out of it. And I likened the process to going to a psychic. I said that the psychic tells you all kinds of things, and it’s up to you to decide what you really want to take out of the reading, and you have to just not let yourself be bothered by the rest. Same with the letters — I find the point or the news in each one, and I just look past the personal slights that are made in someone else’s anger. He told me I have an impressively thick skin, and that if I ever want to process my thoughts with a professional, his door is always open.

I guess I’m just feeling really good today. It’s nice to be validated. The negativity surrounding me has been sitting on my shoulders, and no matter how hard I shake it off, it clings harder to me. And I don’t want to become negative just because it’s always there, tempting me to wallow in its power. And like the quote I posted yesterday, confidence comes with action, not before action. Same thing with hope and happiness — waiting for it to happen isn’t going to make it come any sooner — we’ve just gotta hang in there and make our own. And it’s my time to do just that.

I’m not going to be original today (because I am up to something and I’m staying on the downlow), but I did want to share something that inspired me today:

Living confidence

— Ralph Marston