I never realized how much I cry till I hung out with K-money.
You really don’t know how much you change after you lose someone till you’re forced to act normal.
She only seemed to get annoyed once. Not after I saw a duck with two babies in Animal Kingdom and I told her Mom sends me baby duckies. (And of course I sobbed.)
But I saw baby bunnies in Magic Kingdom. And I swear I heard her say JFC enough with the sobbing at baby animals.
Like … but my grandfather used to voice a bunny named Ralph in his backyard at Castle Drive in West Mifflin. I used to call him for updates on Ralph. And Grampy would tell me the most amazing stories about him.
So … I chose to ignore whatever comment. Because, Ralph — and any bunny — is my jam.
One of the reasons I cried?
Because I had SUCH a good family. Because Kelly came from … not really parental types.
She and her brother reacted to their upbringing by rebelling. Her brother is Dad of the Year. She chose not to have children at all.
Me? I had a wonderful family. A wonderful upbringing. I would have HAD children if only I’d met someone worth having them with.
But leave it to me to fall in love twice in my 20s and never again since. Minus that “Weird Duck” weirdness in my mid-30s.
“Who’s gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames
If we know the steps anyway?
We embroidered the memories of the time I was away
Stitching, “We were just kids, babe”
I said, “I don’t mind, it takes time”
I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed
I felt aglow like this
Never before and never since.”
I don’t know where I’m about to veer off with this.
I just realized at some point how — for as much as I admire K-money for so many reasons — how my heart aches that she didn’t have a wonderful family like I did.
Like, I felt loved. And safe. And invincible. Like I always had a home, even when I was on the verge of losing mine. How I always had an identity, no matter how much some job or some boy threatened to redefine or even remove it.
How she turned out so great without that amazing foundation.
And how soft she might have been with it.
It’s a shame the best people leave us first.
And how lucky — so lucky — I was to have them for as long as I did. How they loved me while they were here.
And how I’d give my left nut to have even a sliver of that kind of love for the rest of my life.