Caterwauling

We’re in the middle of the annual Fambly Reunion at work.

It’s mostly joyous. Mostly awesome people. A few who should have stayed home.

I remember getting a very frustrated/frustrating letter from one. I remember typing my response.

That person has shown the letter to no fewer than 47 people, in frustration.

I wrote it in frustration. Like literally you asked a question about 2024 and you are unsatisfied with the answer in 2026.

What people do is isolate 14 of us, then get mad when the answer is 14x “sorry you are mad but what exactly do you want” and they can’t tell us.

I figure they want us to say we were wrong, we screwed up, here’s some money.

I don’t know. I gave the guy a good bar recommendation last night. Here’s hoping he forgives all. I doubt it but his wife is lovely so he can’t be all bad.

Speaking of the opposite, man did I have a weird dream last night.

Dreamed about an old affair. I guess remembering a more recent one messed up my little girl brain.

“Lilac short skirt, the one that fits me like skin
Did your research, you knew the price goin’ in
And I’ll tell you one thing, honey
I can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean
Standin’ at the bar like something’s funny, bubbly
Once you fix your face, I’m goin’ in.”

Dreamed I ran into someone from my long LONG ago past. Still married. Still somehow had little kids.

We weren’t doing anything wrong at all, just coexisting. Having a coffee. Taking the kids on a drive.

We never DID anything wrong. Just coexisted. Had coffee. Had drinks. Had exactly one conversation about what we felt, and that was the day it ended.

The dream felt easy. Muscle memory kicked right in.

The wife (a doctor) saw me for some medical problem. Put me in a taxi with him. Then told the cabbie to floor it over a cliff.

I watched the final scene outside my body, seeing me (with pink hair) in the cab, screaming.

I’d say I don’t know where any of this came from, but I do.

Y’all if I’d ever actually wielded my power, I would have been dangerous.

And who’s to say I won’t still test that theory.

“You’ll find that you were never not mine.”

That was a line from People We Meet on Vacation.

I obviously haven’t been everywhere.

But I take unnatural pleasure at saying, “When I was in Tokyo last week …”

So I am making a life list.

I told Kelly I have to get her to DisneySea.

And she has to get me to Basel for Christmas markets.

She is heading to London but I don’t care so much about that.

So when we save up some moola, we got some plans to make.

I don’t go to our pool much because our HOA people are always there.

The other day, I bought lunch from the final cookout of the season. Because MAGA Frank has finally gone home, and I actually like the people who take over every year around this time.

They asked if I wanted to buy a Kentucky Derby party ticket for $10. I said sure. The HOA twat literally said, “I am such a good salesperson.” In a flat and whiny voice.

Yesterday I spent the day in Fort Lauderdale. And did not claim my $10 hot dog and chips.

I did spend $200 on a dress for tomorrow.

And that much on dinner at Serafina Waterfront and a sushi plate for today.

In any event, when I was at the pool, I saw there’s a whole notification board for residents who’ve died in the last month.

Very sad to see my neighbor Tony P. passed in March. (Obit.)

I’ve written about him here. Notably when some MAGA prick got right in my face about my mask.

All 5’3″ of Tony got between us and said if you need to push around someone, how about do it to a man.

I think about how hard it was for me to stop wearing a mask when mom died. Like, it was just part of every outfit. Going without one was like actively choosing not to wear a bra.

But back then, it was one thing I COULD do to help the cancer not grow, maybe.

I haven’t seen that asshole in a while. He’s on the May birthday list, as am I. With the wrong date for mine, like it has been since 2019.

In any event, Tony had a lovely, short note about his education, his kindness, his passion as a teacher and school counselor.

And where to send condolences to his wife in New York, as she hasn’t come back to their FL home.

That reminds me, her birthday is on the May list. I should send her a note.

There were a few others I sort of recognized but most didn’t register.

Then there’s Carl Sr.

Carl Jr. is the one who loved to shove his camera up my skirt when I fed cats. Carl Jr.’s daughter Lauren is the one who tried to punch me.

Carl Sr.’s death notice was six printed pages long.

He spawned absolute assholes is all you need to know.

Fucking stay dead and take your fucking family with you, is all I have to say.

But how striking the community obituaries are.

Tony, a small in stature but giant of a man intellectually and emotionally, got one paragraph.

Fuckin Carl Sr. with the shitty fucking family got six pages.

When I bought the Derby/hot dog ticket, I truly thought maybe it’s time to stop beating these assholes and finally join them. Maybe I can make a difference around here if I just had some allies.

Then I thought, nah, and ordered the best tiramisu I’ve had in a long time.

Can’t wait till all their names are on the obituary wall.

I’ve posted about the “She Woke Up Different” meme before.

But it’s an offshoot of a book, “She Came Back Different.”

If I remember it correctly, the protagonist goes into ballet school and all its strict conformity.

Well, when it comes to Japan, I keep telling everyone that I came back different.

* It’s not that I checked into a Buddhist temple and discovered The Way.

* There was no “Eat Pray Love” experience that made me want to write a book about it.

* Honestly, other than loving DisneySea and the polite people everywhere, I didn’t get a lot out of the trip culturally.

But what I did get was this:

1. First-class travel treatment. Even at mid-tier hotels and air carriers. And you should see how neatly the luggage is stacked on carousels — with the handles right where you can easily grab them.

2. Courtesy, service and grace, without tipping in hopes of getting it. If you so much as looked momentarily overwhelmed or confused, someone was at your side to see what they can do for you.

3. Near-silence on transit and in stores. Plenty of time to think and appreciate what was around me. You can walk around, say, a temple without someone ruining your photo or your inner peace.

4. The politest people on earth. Children too! In fact, the only time you heard loud people or anyone be rude, they were white.

The fam and I were in Triton’s Kingdom, an underground play area in Disney Sea. We let the cute 2 year old go at her own pace.

Well I had a pair of adorable 5 year olds behind me. Who very patiently waited their turn till my whole family did the rope bridges at the kiddo’s pace.

Like, didn’t run us over, didn’t complain, didn’t do anything but enjoy their turn.

5. Few work distractions. Which you know I love my job. But my people HANDLED IT.

As usual, the only person who flat-out ignored my “I’m away” message was old Don’t Treadmill On Me.

Like, I would swear to Buddha that they wait for me to be “out-out.” But I know it’s just tone-deafness and self-centeredness.

But the joy of being 13 hours ahead? I may be asleep when you’re running your treadmill mouth. And even though I wasn’t, nobody had to know that. Bliss.

So what’s the whole she came back different?

I saw something out there.

Not that my Japanese is all that passable.

But it said something like, “How many times are you going to have the same conversations before you change them?”

I just about died dead.

My entire life is the same shit different day.

Usually when it comes to Don’t Treadmill on Me. And the copywriters.

Like, you can promise 20 trades today (as they did).

And the editor will not only say no trades today (as they did).

But I will ghostwrite you a goddamn issue that is so spectacular, you won’t even notice there are no trades in it (as I did).

You know why I can do that? Because I do it multiple times a year.

Same with product launches. No one sees fit to involve me till the promo has been shot. So I build a beautiful product that’s as close as it can get to their vision, while still being rooted in reality.

I don’t mind. It’s what I do. I make more magic than Disney, FFS.

There are just people I don’t mind doing it for. And others I very much mind doing it for.

Like Ready Tready, who ruined my California Adventure by dumping some needy people on me who are not on the payroll.

I actually really like them. But jesus FUCK are they needy.

Well, they also reached out to me in Japan. Which I ignored, because all they ever want to do is talk on the phone. And I was 15 hours ahead of them, mercifully.

They called 11 times yesterday. And that’s when the jet lag finally hit and I was barely making it through.

Call is understating it. It’s a trifecta:

* They leave me a voicemail.
* They text seconds later to tell me to check voicemail.
* Then immediately email to tell me to check my texts.

Those of you who wonder why I don’t check my phone, see above.

I finally emailed back today like WHAT, GOD.

The email back, “Oh nothing urgent. We made xx sales with that link you sent out.”

Great, nothing urgent.

But then the trifecta occurred again an hour later.

JESUS FUCK.

How is this different from pre-Japan? It isn’t.

But it needs to be.

Look, I overeat, stress-eat, binge-eat and did I say eat? I eat. A lot. I need to change that.

But you know what makes me do that?

The phone ringing off the wall. The “well, I know Copy promised the readers this but I don’t wanna” so I do the thing. The “O” face on the treadmill huffing at my utter inability to translate word salad or simply mind-read. The dark apartment. The stinky cats. The asshole HOA. The broken toilet.

The fact that all I wanted was a damn break from caregiving, not to lose my mom entirely.

I want the duck-kicker and Trump to just fucking die already. And Erika Kirk. JFC I liked my life so much better before I knew that twat existed.

And I’m tired of hurting myself to keep from hurting (verbally or otherwise) others who could use a foot up their ass.

I don’t know what changes. But the conversations are a good place to start.

Especially the ones with myself.