Caterwauling

One of my favorite tarot goddesses suggested this:

Speak what you want to happen before going into hard situations.

I didn’t do The Thing.

I had most of the resources to do The Thing, which I don’t normally get from Redacted. Whose name is on it and has been for 14 months.

But Redacted didn’t like the first two tries at it this month. Or any of the past 13 months of attempts.

I promised to fix it, as I always do. But it’s been three weeks and I have not fixed this one yet.

I want to manifest understanding. Finding a permanent solution. I actually think I have a very good solution. But I still have this stupid roadblock that I cannot get past.

I used to get so frustrated when my beloved top boss would ask me to do something. Then within an hour or two, he’d just do The Thing and tell me not to worry about it. (After I’d worked hard on it.) Or if I got to turn in my attempt, he’d say thank you and rewrite it. Every time.

That doesn’t happen anymore. Occasionally I wish it would.

Like hey this is a mess so we either listen to you Goddess and put a different byline on it (desired outcome) or hey remember when you did a ritual sacrifice so you could hire a full time person and the goalpost moved and now you have too much copy for the website and not enough for this project and it’s all on you to write/edit? Well, Lucy will stop yanking the football now. Go do this your way.

What a thing to manifest during a new moon, but it’s the thing that makes me pray for a rip in the time-space continuum. I’d walk into it in a HEARTBEAT for this one reason alone.

And so I manifest that this never-ending Four of Swords moment (14 months) turn into a permanent Sun tarot card.

No, I want it to turn into a whole Nine of Pentacles moment. That is my FAVORITE card. And it’s the one I want my life, my days, my nights, my everything to be.

Also, if trump could die too that’d be cool. Since we’re dreaming big.

A friend called to ask for advice.

She’s never been (my title). But she received not one but TWO offers to become one.

Making six figures at it, too.

She accepted both offers and wanted to see how I’d handle backing out of the first.

I had provided references, not really knowing much about the jobs. Just answering questions about character and commitment.

I loved the employer who called first. I see why she said yes. With some details, I also see why it’s now the second choice.

This is not a post about her.

This is a post about what she said — “My god, (Goddess), YOU are the one who’s qualified for all these jobs. I have never done this, but I think I can do it based on all the coaching and mentoring you’ve given me. But with all these jobs out there, why aren’t you applying for them?”

I laughed and she said yeah, you would have gotten these over me. And I said not really — I’ve done my own job so long, I can’t do anything else.

She knows the cast of characters where I am. And the things she saw up close for herself.

And she’s like aren’t you tired of (redacted) … tired of (redacted) … tired of (redacted, redacted, redacted)?

I’m like I’m not tired of going on vacation, so I can live with redacted to the nth power.

Anyway this isn’t a job hunting post.

But it is a “if someone who hasn’t done my exact job title for 15 years can stroll in and GET that job somewhere else for six figures plus bonus” …

Someone I believed in even when (redacted) did not …

And I assume (redacted) is not my biggest fan either (and continue to give them reasons for that) …

I wonder if there’s life after this (gestures vaguely) if ever I should decide I want it.

One of my employees told me the other day that “you are a benevolent god, even if none of them realize it.”

Another told me today, “You are magic and you have exactly NO idea how much power you actually have within you. Freaking use it!”

Then I thought about Sarah. Not the one I let go as an offering to hire someone else. (That football got yanked away from me by Redacted after the fact.)

The other one, a gal I worked with long ago.

I had told previous Sarah, when things were really really really bad at the company, I couldn’t abandon my team.

She sniffed and said, “Well that’s stupid. You think they’d stay for you?”

They all left. Sarah left too.

I get it now. But I still wouldn’t want to leave them.

Not that I think they couldn’t survive, but because I can’t imagine a world where I couldn’t have them with me.

I would like to imagine a world with them where we’re all happy a lot of the time.

Perhaps that’s my wish for this Gemini new moon.

Manifesting more magic in a liminal space where the only magic there currently is, is what I create.

It’s the night that Mom died two years ago. I finally had my “weekend” tonight (Monday) after working intermittently all weekend.

But playtime (tarot ice cream with boba, dinner at Cava, an oil change, groceries, cat food, furnace filters) has to end.

And just like I worked the next day then, ain’t no excuse for not working now.

I’ll just redact all the rest of the nonsense rolling around in my squash before I HAVE to go see what what other jobs are out there.

I know Redacted is doing all they do to challenge me. But a little more magic and a little less nonsense would really help right now instead.