Caterwauling

Sat down to do some work on this fine Sunday when I got a text.

Figured it was Door Eats or Uber Dash or whatever. As your girl needed some lavender milk tea.

Oh no, it was the radiology department with a reminder that I have the first of two mammograms scheduled for Tuesday.

You know, Tuesday, June 16.

Two years to the day that Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer.

That knocked the fucking wind out of me.

It’s been two hours and I’m still shaky.

For all I know, my order from Sugar Milk is still sitting outside my door.

Of all the dates on all the calendars, man.

This is why I have two mammograms. Because of my family medical history.

I finally found a good doctor who knows I’ll get called back, so why not just schedule both upfront.

I don’t even know what I’d do if they said they found something. Put rocks in my pockets and walk into the Intracoastal, I guess.

Or put in a boba order from Gong Cha, in honor of how much Cindy thinks about me with the song “Don’t Cha.”

I remember working in Maryland during the financial crisis. In finance.

We laid off half the company. Fortunately for them, I was young and dumb and did triple the work for free.

I also remember working in Florida when the owner laid off 90% of the company so he could retire. Instead, he ramped up the business.

I got a promotion. A title change and what I call the “Tom Clark $5,000.” Because that’s what the CEO gave anyone who got a promotion.

I was less young and less dumb. But I was already doing triple the work for free, so I took it. That paid for my gas since I drove 45 minutes each way at the time.

Now, I have an employee I hired to handle five products. That list is now 37.

I spend half my week trying to make those 37 less painful, and the other half helping my other direct reports.

I’ve been pitching fits to give this person a raise. The fatter the better.

Like to the point I was refusing to turn in my performance reviews until I got a guarantee we’d make this person whole.

We did.

The Tom Clark $5,000.

Like, no.

I’ve been told about my attitude, so I just said thank you.

I thought better of telling them what is probably going to happen, based on personal experience.

Which is that you downshift to that number. Rather than try to go for the number you had in your head.

Dress for the job you have, as it were.

To be clear, they have since made me whole. I’m good. Not a Goddess post here.

Anyway, I’m glad we did something. I expect I’ll make the case AGAIN that this person deserves more.

Most people don’t know or remember Tom Clark. This is not a post about him, either.

I remember, obviously. I’m the one who coined this phrase.

When I realized that’s all he thought I was worth, I watched him closely.

He never missed a lunch. Or his kids/grandkids events. Or a golf game, whether playing or watching. Or a trip to NYC for some board he sat on.

The clicking sound in my head was loud.

The person at the top — in charge of setting the tone, direction and vision — gave the very least he could.

Once you fit that into your head, you wonder why you don’t do the same.