Caterwauling

Stolen from the lovely Sabre. …

Never Date a Cancer

Clingy, emotional, and very private – it’s hard to escape a Cancer’s clutches. And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they’re anything but open in return. Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius

I’d like to thank the City of Alexandria for refunding part of the income tax refund they robbed from me earlier this year due to my supposedly owing them property tax even though I only lived there for a half-year in 2006.

What irks me, though, is that while they did acknowledge that I spent the latter half of ’06 in D.C. proper, the fuckers kept the $25 decal fee (property tax sticker, for those not lucky enough to live in the Commonwealth o’ Virginia at any point in their lives) even though they never sent me the decal. (Not that I needed it, because again, I was registered in D.C.) These states will do anything for a buck and boo hoo if you disagree with how they’ll spend it.

I understand that sales tax is going up in Virginia and Maryland, which pfft. I do lots of shopping/activities in those wonderful areas, and again, anything these governments can do to anally rape you, they will. Happy freaking new year to you, too — isn’t it bad enough that everything already costs more here to begin with?

In any event, Christmas came and went at the Caterwauling chateau. I bought a turkey breast from Harris Teeter, which was yucky and dry, but luckily there were plenty of awesome side dishes to take its place. And sweet potato/cream cheese pie, also from HT. Proof positive that the universe really doesn’t hate me!

My feeling is that Santa got stuck in the chimney but he decided to crawl back up and not land with any presents. I did buy myself one thing, and as usual I find myself strapped for cash and feeling guilty about the purchase, so it might go back. It was the T-Fal/Food Network 4-in-1 Grill Station (in red!), which I’m sure is half-off at Kohl’s today but meh, ask me if I feel like fighting crowds today.

Actually, I do have to make a return today because I have something purchased 30 days ago and, alas, today is day 30 and that’s the return policy. Unfortunately, everyone’s so damned stinky — I was in line for an hour on Christmas eve and the woman in front of me was farting up a windstorm. *gag* Seriously, between the B.O. and the B.M.s that people are apparently making in public, the case for shopping online exclusively is pretty airtight.

But anyway, I wanted this stupid grill because I have this wild hair up my ass that’s making me crave panini sammiches. ‘Tis the season for grilled cheese, too. Mmm. But guess who never has any groceries in the house? Which means the grill is destined for the tower of boxes in the dining room that includes about four different coffeemakers, an iced tea maker, indoor grill, outdoor grill, sandwich maker, toaster, blender and whatever else I have but I’m forgetting about. What can I say: I’m a Gemini — I like gadgets. Preferably vibrating ones, but ones that are edible or contribute to making edible things work, too.

In any case, Christmas is over. Yay. The tree remains undecorated — now to pack up the fucking thing for another five years (*sigh*). But for the first time in my life, I heard/understood the story of the nativity. I guess I’d always written off the Bible as being equally non-fictional as Santa Claus, but this year I tried to keep an open mind. I guess I needed to believe in some magic, and it was actually kind of comforting to get why we celebrate Dec. 25 as we do (or should do).

I love how the angels came and spoke to people directly, and that they believed it and did what they were told and that they were rewarded with a miracle. I guess I wonder why the angels don’t talk to us anymore, but I figure they gave up because we all stopped listening.

Guess I should do some work or shower or something useful like that, speaking of avoiding the voice that’s telling me to hop to it, already. Hope y’all had a Merry Little Christmas!

Last night, I stopped by our church’s Christmas party (wow, I can say “Christmas” and “party” in the same sentence now. Weird) for a whopping 20 minutes. I went late, got lost and was downright bored. I talked to the pastor, who I am growing very fond of, and he introduced me to someone I would like to talk to more often and who gave me her contact info if I ever wanted to grab a cup of coffee.

After that I walked around and walked out. Nothing personal, just a little too kid-friendly for my tastes. But today, actual members of the church were asking what happened to me, as they were looking for me.

I’m like a kid in a classroom when it comes to Sunday services — I sit in the very back row. It’s a good group of people who hang out there, which is cool because when we are asked to greet our neighbors, we all know each other. (Oh, how awkward it was during my first few weeks when I didn’t know a soul there.)

Anyway, today I was looking at the guy who always sits in front of me, but oh my God — today I got a really good look at him and I realized why he looked vaguely familiar. From his profile, and maybe even somewhat from the front, he looks like a face I haven’t thought about in ages — but certainly haven’t forgotten about .

I admit that I found my mind wandering during services, back to a “long ago and far away” time. This is someone I miss greatly, when I do remember him. The love and the pain ran its course … for both of us … but he wasn’t easy to get over, especially not when we both knew there was a lot of emotion and certainly passion left that was going to remain unexplored.

I made my peace with my heart back then that if the universe really wanted this to work out, it would help us find a way. And if that way means in the next lifetime, then so be it … we’ll have that same instantaneous connection next time around that we found this time — which we’d both recognized as maybe having felt in a lifetime before this one.

I don’t tell this story to get hung up in the past, or to even pretend that it’s going to stay in my head after I hit the “publish” button on this blog entry. But to tie it into today’s message at church, the pastor said something interesting that I had to write down.

To paraphrase:

We’re all trying to get somewhere in life … to be somewhere or to be someone or to find someone or something. And no matter what the ladder we’re trying to climb — career, relationships, friendships or otherwise — sometimes we lean those ladders against the wrong walls.

That struck me for more than just a second. The context was that if you’re stressed out in certain areas, you may be hitting resistance for a reason — and that reason might be that you need to either stop fighting the battle alone or maybe it’s that you shouldn’t be fighting it at all because you’re in the wrong place and … yep … climbing the ladder but not to the right goals.

Inside my head, something clicked with that analogy. Leaning your ladder against friends who crumble at the first signs of having to make a positive deposit instead of a negative withdrawal from the friendship bank account. Killing yourself to do a great job in a vocation that really doesn’t feel right. Hoping and praying for a relationship to work out that just isn’t meant to be.

Taking it a few steps further, maybe there’s a reason that some doors close and that other, newer doors don’t open. And try as we might to rush at those doors with random, heavy blunt objects, they still won’t open. Why is that?

Everyone is trying to tell us to rely on patience and faith, but when you’ve been hoping and wishing for something, when do you write it off as “that’s clearly not God’s plan for me” and when do you dig in your heels and continue to say, “I believe in you, Great Pumpkin”?

I don’t want to be like Linus, stuck out in the pumpkin patch while waiting for some mythical occurrence that only flourishes inside my own head. But I don’t want to go about my business and not be there to get the gift(s) I’ve waited so long to receive, either.

I guess all you can do is hope for the wherewithal to know which course of action is right to take.

I don’t know if my ladder is leaned against the proper wall. I don’t even know that there is a “right” wall at this point. All I know is that I’m doing my climbing wherever I can find hope, and I don’t think it would be in my heart to want for things that just aren’t meant to be. Because my heart is the most-sincere patch I can name, one that’s certainly a good candidate for the Great Pumpkin if it happens to be thinking of coming around. …

My tree stands undecorated, the house looks like a hurricane went through it, I left work at 10 p.m. and I’ve got another hour to devote to it today so I can enjoy my damn holiday already, and I’m supposed to go to a Christmas party tonight.

No complaints — just too brain-dead to keep plugging when all I want to do is eat and sleep. And eat. I’m very stressed right now. And I stress-eat. (Five Guys burger for breakfast, anyone? Don’t think I didn’t.) I was too tired to eat “real” food last night (although the office was filled with sweet treats in all our myriad kitchens), so yum.

Anyway, I just bought my ticket to go somewhere on New Year’s. We’re looking at nearly $100 for the honor of being “somewhere” and getting a glass of champagne and maybe some cheese and crackers. We’ve also got dinner reservations beforehand, which I am looking forward to. (And will probably cost as much as the midnight event!)

The way I figure, there is no Christmas in my house this year, but if there’s one holiday I need to celebrate, it’s New Year’s. I am a firm believer that whatever you’re doing at midnight will set the tone for the year. Last year I was with friends, and although my year turned to absolute shit, I figure it at least started off on the right foot.

I also made reservations on New Year’s day for a nice restaurant. Yeah, I’m starting off the new year broke as all hell but at least I won’t be hungry.

It was a struggle to decide to go out because there are so many obligations (read: guilt trips, mostly self-inflicted) to overcome. But I had the choice to greet the new year wishing that I were somewhere else, or else I could go out and be overjoyed that I was out doing something fun and hopefully memorable. A friend gave me the advice to buy the ticket and make a commitment for the next day to balance the skipping out for midnight.

In that, everybody wins — and I win twice.

And that, my friends, is an occasion worth celebrating. If the new year brings double the wins, then it’ll be a delightful year, indeed.

Most days, we’re all holed up in our offices with our respective doors shut, as we are all engaged in heavy-thinking work. We are not hiding in our offices like the non-productive folks at my last job, who blatantly left their doors open while they took naps and competed in Solitaire championship games all friggin’ day.

Anyway, we all had our doors open today, and I tell you, I would have gotten more peace pulling out my laptop in the middle of the Metro Center station. My beloved neighbor (I really do like him. We kid because we love!) was so loud today that someone coming to meet with me thought that my neighbor was in my office, thanks to the volume. I realize now that this can come in very handy — everyone thinks I’m in a meeting! My door will be closed more often.

But the real kicker was that I was listening to my iPhone without the earbuds. (I think a cat may be trying to hang herself with them right now — can’t find ‘em in my purse.) And that’s just a bad, bad idea for the number of comedy albums I store in there. Case in point, a bit came on from Lisa Lampanelli, (“Pillow Talk,” if you’re familiar.)

If you’re not familiar, it’s the track that starts off with:
“‘… See ’cause I’m an older white bitch and I started banging black guys late in life, so I’ll be honest — it scared the hell outta me. …”

*thunk*

I’d apologize to my neighbors, but meh. I think forgiveness is just understood on all of our parts. Like Lisa’s album title, we all just “Take it Like a Man”!