Caterwauling

1. I gave a wrong phone number to my next apartment complex — the number of my current complex. They have the realty name and the street address, but no one apparently was capable of Googling to see if I didn’t just write down a wrong digit. I wrote a 1 instead of a 7. Sue me. Perhaps if they’d listened to my “away” message on my work VM and called me at HOME where I AM, we could have resolved this DAYS ago.

2. Which means that yes, all systems are go for the move. Holy crap, this is really happening — no going back now.

3. I drove up to the new ‘hood and suddenly felt cognitive dissonance. I’m sure I will come to love my new place, but it’s like I’m about to run the race and the gun just went off and I froze in my spot, waiting for someone to tell me I don’t have to do this. And this feeling comes after all the puzzle pieces FINALLY fell into place. Gah.

4. Trolls kick puppies. Look, I don’t care what they say to/about me — if their self-esteem is so low and they have nothing better to do than whack off with one hand and type shit with the other, I’m not going to value their opinion. But say one fucking word about someone I love, be prepared to throw down. Note to today’s troll: I have traced you back to the Genius Bar. And Apple’s abuse team has been notified and they’re looking for your ass too. Be warned.

5. Ironically, I just read a chunk of “The Apple Way” at B&N today. Decent book. Not necessarily a page-turner, but its management lessons are pretty good. I was particularly enthralled by how damaging it is to have an “irrelevant CEO.” I can name two companies where that’s what we had. And that’s why you’ve never heard of those companies, nor were they lucky enough to retain someone like me.

5.a. This book made me nervous. I always find myself trapped between wanting to enjoy my work/colleagues/environment and taking it uber-seriously so that I can advance someday. It always has to be one or the other, and this book proves that you can’t have it both ways.

6. Bell-bottomed jeans were a bad idea the first time around, and they haven’t gotten any better. I hopped out of the car today and my heel caught in my hem and *thwap* — down I went, ass over teakettle in a parking lot. Heh. The grace I possess? Astounding.

7. Don’t check your voicemail while you’re on vacation. I mean, it’s a necessary evil, but it sort of undoes you a bit when that urgent message from Friday afternoon has gone by unacknowledged till Sunday night. Even though you do everything in your power to prevent a crisis, you just can’t always win the battle.

8. I am attractive to octogenarians. (Great.) I was getting out of my car at home tonight (without tripping) and got picked up by my new 83-year-old neighbor who wanted me to come drink martinis with him. He was serious. I gave him a hug and went on my merry way. *squick*

9. “Grey’s Anatomy” is on tonight. And thus, life is good.

1. I still haven’t heard the final word from the new apartment complex that I am to move into, like, SOON.

2. I scheduled movers anyway.

3. My nephew looks exactly like the baby in the Quiznos commercials. That or Charlie Brown. I am ga-ga over this kid. Happiest baby on the planet. I fed him and put him to sleep. C’mon, say it with me …. “Awwwww. …”

4. My niece is the reason I have been hit on six times in the past two days. I seriously have never had more men approach me to say hello in my life. I might need to borrow her more often! OMG, who could resist this face?

5. I had no idea I was capable of leaving a restaurant in less than 40 seconds with a half-eaten meal on the table and three purses on my left shoulder, a calm infant in my left arm (who was gnawing on a string bean with his two bottom teeth), a carseat in my right hand and four teething rings suspended from various fingers. But boy did I find out!

6. Mothers and grandmothers of small children have no idea where their purses are or that you dived under a table with kid, carseat and other crap in hand to get lost toys and purses. All they care about is booking when the toddler they just awakened to have some dinner is not happy about being awakened and is hellbent on having the world know it. However, when you mention to them while you’re hightailing it on the highway that you have their purses, they will say, “Awesome! Who wants to go shopping?” And then we hit the Kohl’s night sale, since it was right there. I’m certain the meal got paid for. But even I’m not clear how.

6.a. Said toddler, by the way, ran back into the restaurant and climbed back into her booster chair to finish the food that was in front of her after all of that. It was the only plate that hadn’t been cleared, ironically, in the fast departure.

6.b. I will be scheduling an appointment to get my tubes tied into a freaking Hallmark-quality bow at my earliest convenience!

7. I have, however, never been happier or more energized in my life.

So I suppose it’s time I introduce you to the new man in my life …

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There are days when you feel as though the world is sucking out your soul through a coffee stirrer jammed into your jugular, and then there are days when all finally feels right. Today? Is the latter.

I’m on my way to see my friend (finally!). We just got off the phone. Normally, when she’s on the phone, her little girl will squeal, “Talk Aunt Dawn!” and we will talk and she will tell me she loves me and then she’ll kiss and lick the phone. Ew. But today, she took a nap here on the same coast and in the same city as me, and when she awakened, she said, “See Aunt Dawn!” And I got the call to come visit. Which, squee!

I have a doll for Alex that’s as big as she is. I wasn’t sure what to get for Jordan, so I settled on a sleeper that says “I’m crawling and I can’t get up.” Stupid, yes, but he’s outgrown the very cute sleeper I bought him six months ago that’s still wrapped in Sesame Street paper and sitting in my desk drawer. Mom says that can go in my hopeless chest, although she’s worried that with me being around a toddler and an infant, her dreams of grandmotherhood will be shot in half an hour. And she’s probably right.

Anyway, I could tell when Shan’s plane landed. The air felt different. Even though I’ve been sort of inaccessible since then (Tuesday night), I’ve still felt better because we’re finally in the same city again, even if only for a few days.

It’s cruel how the universe has placed me in a city that’s not-convenient to my family (although I might argue that it’s just far enough away for me) and insanely far from my friend — she’s like the sister I never had. (Incidentally, I do have a half-sister with the same name, but I’ve never met her and don’t need her.) Shan’s the sister I was meant to have, and while I get frustrated not seeing her as often as I want to, I’d be a hell of a lot worse off if we’d never met at all.

And tonight, it feels amazing to go not only see people I’m dying to see, but who are equally thrilled to be in the same room with me. This is what I’ve missed most, living on my own in D.C. Having a family or something close to it, having people around whom I can drop that ever-present guard of barbed wire and electric fence.

A number of you have written to me and asked about my new apartment complex — why I had to be in that particular one. Why I didn’t look around more and compare amenities and prices and even neighborhoods. It’s because the place has a concierge — a freaking activities director. Because they organize social events and outings and dinners and parties and all kinds of stuff I don’t get to do due to time/effort/will to live constraints. I’ll have that time again. I’ll have that spark again. And I will hopefully be able to network and light up again instead of only knowing the difference between each day by what’s on television that particular night.

Anyway.

I’m off to have the best night that I’ve had in a looooonnng time!

“We shouldn’t be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains.”

“South Park” premiered last night and killed off Chef. I heard Issac Hayes’s voice (and spliced-together speeches) and wondered if he’d reconsidered his decision to leave because the show made fun of Scientology, but per the article, it was a voice track. And it completely rocked. Thank you, “South Park,” for always standing by your convictions of ridiculing everyone equally, and equally funny. Fruity little club that molests children. Heh.

I have to laugh that people are threatening to boycott Tom Cruise’s “MI: 3″ if Comedy Central can’t re-air the episode where Cruise was “Trapped in the Closet” (the episode that pissed off Hayes and his widdle iddy biddy feelings). Honey, I’m boycotting it ANYWAY. I have a feeling I would have enjoyed “War of the Worlds” much better if that nutjob Cruise wasn’t in it. It’s time for all the crazy cult members to just get on their damn spaceship and fly away already, IMHO. Either that or learn to TAKE a joke and not always BE one!!!