It’s always so cute when people make up a fake e-mail address pretending to be you and then forward your blog address to the executives in your company.
THEY ALREADY READ IT, MORON.
In fact, we just had the biggest laugh over my creative use of foul language. Heh. Imagine what they heard live and in person!
So my plane lands at National Airport circa 8 a.m. today. I haven’t slept in days and am more loopy than a friggin’ cable-knit sweater, yet I get the Bright Idea to drop something off at work before going home.
Never mind that I hadn’t bathed in 27 hours, but my punch-drunk self throws the car in a parking spot at Ye Humble Employment Establishment and hops out. I noticed I’d left the lights on, so I went to open the door. It was locked, but I had no key. Where was said key? In the ignition.
AND THE CAR WAS RUNNING!
There was a mild ray of light in that I’d left the sunroof partially open, but hard as I tried, I could not get my fat ass through it far enough to reach the steering wheel.
I’m lucky I didn’t dent that damn hood. Tawny Kitaen? I am not.
Oh, the humanity.
So I called AAA for help, and I explained my predicament. Which was all null and void when, afterward, I was asked for my AAA member number (um, it’s in the car) and my driver’s license number (take a wild guess where THAT was, too).
And my wait time? Estimated 90 minutes.
*thunk*
Meanwhile, I work in the land of three-piece suits and I’m all scuzzy and casual and shit. Yet, I dropped off my thing and grabbed a cup of coffee. And within an hour, help came. (Yay.)
Last night while we were all scrambling to go from restaurant to hotel to airport within the space of a half-hour, I’d been fretting about my keys. I kept thinking they were locked in my hotel room that I’d surrendered hours earlier. Seriously, I was nuts over my car keys. And when I located them at the bottom of my carryon, I’d thought the worst was over. Nope — I just hadn’t lost them YET!
My little black cloud had lifted for a couple of days, and I knew to be grateful. I did, in fact, leave my heart in San Francisco. But my cats? Left a half-dozen shit landmines and twice as many skid marks here in Northwest D.C.
Oh well, nothin’ really left to look forward to, but a few moments of dare I say joy to reflect upon. And I’ll just be glad the universe gave me a little bit to keep me going and believing that one day, we’ll (OK, “I’ll” — I know y’all will!) laugh about all of this. …
Sure, time seems to fly when you’re having fun. But when you’re having one of those days in which driving your car off a cliff and/or blowing your brains out doesn’t seem like the worst idea you’ve ever had, time still manages to elude you as well.
Read: It flies when you ain’t havin’ any fun, either.
Especially when it’s 5 p.m. and the one thing on your to-do list that needs to get done today (that usually takes several hours) hasn’t even been started yet, you realize that time didn’t just fly; it’s on its way to winning the race and you haven’t even pulled on your tennis shoes yet.
Do yourself a favor and kick your own ass before you put those shoes on, and then get down on your knees and thank God that your version of a half-assed effort is probably better than most people’s 100% effort. 😉
For those of you who have somehow mistakenly gotten the impression that I am at all serious (or smart. I doubt you have, but let’s take that leap of faith for this purpose, shall we?), I present to you two things that defined my day yesterday that no one who knows me would ever doubt that I actually, in fact, said or did.
On Ben Roethlisberger’s motorcycle accident in Pittsburgh yesterday:
“You know, I’m not shocked he was recognized. Those Pittsburgh ball players are famous. They are always out in public, eating next to you at the restaurants and moreover, they’re as familiar as members of your family. Even bruised and bloodied, people knew exactly who he was. Here in Washington? A Redskin could walk up to me and say ‘How’ and I wouldn’t know who the fuck he is.”
*ba DUM bum*
Seen Heard at the DMV
I had the misfortune of visiting the DMV yesterday and, unfortunately, of also leaving empty-handed. Because no matter how high your IQ is, you cannot glean the proper car registration procedures from the Internet and god forbid you let your Virginia tags expire, because you’re treated like a terrorist.
That’s not the pun to the story. What is, then? Well, when *somebody* left all pissed-off yesterday and frustrated and wondering when the FUCK she’s going to find time to make all this bullshit happen before getting *another* ticket or tow, she wasn’t paying attention and Backed. Into. Somebody’s. Vehicle. At the motherlovin’ DMV. *gah*
Here I was thinking I need a personal assistant to just take care of all this detail crap. Fuck it, while we’re dreaming, give me a chauffeur too!
I found a new inspirational spot today, as I am apt to do when thoughts are overflowing out of my head. After work, I (voluntarily!) took a drive and found a lovely lake where I will most definitely take my journal when/if I ever find the damn thing. 😉
It will involve some hiking (gasp!) as I cannot pull the car right up to it, but no matter, as I am also oftentimes inclined to drive the car into random water bodies. So, exercise AND no suicide! Joy!
*cough*
In any event, I was listening to my favorite song of the moment as I parked the car and sat on it and watched the reflection of trees in the still waters. It was a strange and welcome symbiosis, how I was so lost in my mind yet I drove to a secluded paradise where I could work out the dramas du jour and *voila* to the perfect (for me) musical accompaniment.
So what would you say to me
If you could talk to me
You could ask anything
I wouldn’t lie
But you’re OK with this
Damaging awkwardness
So I’ll just play it safe
And keep it inside.
I was thinking back to Reader Poll Monday when Sherri asked whether we had secrets we’ve never spilled to anyone. And my answer is yes, although I can’t figure out how. I don’t have a poker face — I feel like I can’t hide anything … even if I don’t actually say it.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t have any surprises in me because anyone without a severe visual impairment can see where I’m coming from. Which is kind of inconvenient when I’m actually forced to decide whether or not to be upfront about what exactly it is that I am up to at any given time.
Anyway, I did come to a decision. Or, rather, it was strengthened. Now I just need to grow a set and hop to it, because even though my mind’s telling me to reconsider, my intuition’s saying to give it all I’ve got. The song I’m posting today says “Don’t be afraid of me,” but the person to whom I most need to say that very line is, well, me.
Boys might not cry, but girls sure do. But the best things in life aren’t the ones most easily achieved. I just hope my Grand Idea leads to my Grand Plan and not to another 14K Fuckup like so many of my schemes have.
On iTunes: Plumb, “Boys Don’t Cry”
[audio:Plumb_BoysDontCry.mp3]
I’ve spent the day feeling drained because, as I said in the previous entry, it was somewhat of a sleepless night without knowing where Kadi was. The only thing that kept me going through the day was the residual euphoria of finding her curled in a ball in the basement of a neighboring apartment building.
When I saw her, she was all eyes. I had called her name — hell, I had BEEN in that spot hours before — and she didn’t and wouldn’t answer me. I whispered, “Is that really you?” And she held my gaze, like, “What took you so long, Mommy?”
I’ve spent the better part of the past 24 hours between feeling triumphant for finding my runaway cat and feeling like a complete fuckup for “losing” her in the first place … or, at least for not finding her sooner.
Remember when I found a note on my car from a boy in my office building? Four months later, I finally heard back:
Haven’t slept in days. Finally got the car inspected, so at least I don’t have to worry about it being towed again (and the sticker had only been expired for two weeks!). You’d think those fuckers at Dominion Towing would’ve done me the courtesy of towing the car to a goddamned INSPECTION STATION!!!
Anyway, have been busy. Am not social in the least. Want to crawl into bed. NOW. Did mad packing/pitching/hauling/cleaning all weekend. Today it’s raining and dismal, and seriously, if I could find my bed under all the crap I’ve piled atop it, I’d like to partake of its goodness right about now.
I’m so tired that I just walked up to the microwave to make some lunch and decided it was too much work to open up the can of soup and dump it into the bowl and then actually STAND there for three minutes. Gah. Actually, I just don’t feel like teetering around in heels with a bowl of hot soup. I’d rather starve than spill. So I changed my mind and retreated to my desk. How’s that for lazy as all hell?
First I was in love. Then I wasn’t. Now, I’m OK with being “just friends” with my new newER apartment.
Yes, I got ANOTHER apartment since yesterday.
But first, tunage. Because I Can’t. Get. This. Song. Out. Of. My. HEAD.
[audio:Plumb_RealLifeFairytale.mp3]OK, back to the story. Last installment of this saga, I had no car. The sad part? I heard it being towed around 2 a.m. I woke up and thought, “Wow — that sounds close, like where I parked my car. Oh, well. SUCKERS!” and yelled from my bed, “SHUT UUPPPP!” to the noisy-ass towing company. Whereupon I promptly flopped back over and snoozed away happily.
Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.