Caterwauling

The good news is, I will get a refund on my Key West trip. In 10 days.

The bad news, I bought it on a super-special deal that I will never, ever see again. Ever.

Sorry, Mom. Fucked up your birthday.

What I wouldn’t give to do the itinerary I had planned …

I got to thinking about the fool I would never in my right mind hire. Because, I already have Soccer Ball to the Skull 1, 2 and 3. I don’t need a whole damn army.

But I wonder if they could have found their ass with both hands long enough to cover me for the one day we wouldn’t have had any coverage.

Dipwad proclaimed to someone else that they are waiting for me to hire them for my “open position.” It honestly worries me the level of delusion one can possibly possess.

It also makes me wonder that their references have no interest in calling me back.

If there is one thing I have tried to do at every company, it’s to think of the future. And I can’t in MY right mind “will” the company (so to speak) to someone who either lies or can’t follow a simple conversation to its natural conclusion.

No participation trophies today. Even if we’re getting back to the point where bad help might be better than none at all …

Why do I give up everything I love (and pay for)?  

I canceled the key west hotel. Not sure of the refund policy. But who cares. Fuck it. Just don’t speak to me right now …

I booked a few days in key west for mom’s birfday. This after I wanted to take days off for my birfday but someone else claimed a vacation on those days first. 

Now I have a hotel booked and someone else took those days off before I asked for the time. 

Now I’ve got a non refundable hotel stay I can’t even enjoy. 

This and losing out on money to see an event at the Kravis Center is pissing me off. 

I mean it’s my own fault. But still. I am so very very tired of being accommodating to the point where I break. 

Welp. Missing a concert in WPB tonight. At least I didn’t lose $100 like I did when I missed PostSecret at the Kravis Center. 

Maybe a little Californication will make it better. 

So what if I lost some pounds. The past four weeks have been hell.

Between interrupted sleep and a return to the 70-hour workweek, which still isn’t enough hours, my anxiety has anxiety. 

I remember when the last place let me go. It was weird to suddenly have all those hours back. 

I mean, I hadn’t wanted all of them back. Maybe just 10 or 12 or so. And all that really happened was one anxiety (endless to-dos) was replaced by another (ending income).

I didn’t really enjoy that shining moment though when the first set of problems were no longer mine. I really should have.  

Last night I was so stressed, I walked around the corner to my favorite cantina. Two margaritas later (pounded in less than 10 minutes), I felt almost human again. 

This is why I’m fat. Stress and booze.  Here’s to being able to afford booze because a carrot just wasn’t going to cut it after this week’s two-day fun-fest …

No matter how hard you try or how many hours you work or how much you fret about everything, it’s never really enough.

But then every once in a while you get a moment like this.

Just now, from one of my boys …

You are a rock star. While I don’t ever say “please” and sometimes forget “thank you,” I always appreciate how you hustle for me!

What he will never know is that I am the one who’s grateful for the opportunity. Every single day of my life. 

I keep saying I want to do better and be a better person. As if saying it out loud makes it so.

It’s been a very hard couple of days. Everything has been harder than it should be. It’s my fault for not moving my part along faster last week. As if fault can be assigned for prioritizing other urgent things. But the definition of urgent is a wide one. I know this.

Alas, things have come together. Finally. And I’m calling upon the heavens to help me show the grace that has been shown to me in the past … and for grace to be shown to me again for everything that didn’t get the love it deserved in the meantime.

I feel a massive shift is coming. I’m trying not to fear it. But I’m at the point where I have a great team … I kind of sort of don’t hate where I live … the car is fine *knock on wood* … Mom isn’t at her best but not her worst … and the cat is sickly but in good spirits … and this is the best combination of circumstances I’ve ever had in my life.

Lord, let me enjoy the peace while I have it.

I’m kicking it Old Testament tonight. Spending my second and final night in Cape Coral. Loving it and celebrating my decision to discover this cute little town. 

Also, wishing I weren’t totally swamped with work and could enjoy Memorial Day here instead of driving home to work and lose sleep.

The landlord’s newest Robert Palmer fake backup babe has called and texted every day. I’m ignoring her. They want me on a lease. I think they also want to raise the rent. I think they need to go fuck themselves. 

I don’t want them to know I am away. But I will tell twuntzilla that I needed to get a hotel because Islamic Caitlyn Jenner destroyed my sleep all week. And lol no, I am 100% not in favor of committing to 12 more months of that shit. 

I have the power here. That lease was up two months ago and they have three months’ worth of my money. Funny how no one is in a hurry to fix things or return a call or even call the HOA when I ask. But damn they can stalk me when they need something. 

Enjoy the feeling, jagoffs. 

I’m trying not to panic. I didn’t sleep again last night because of this. Thanks fuckers. 

There is no inventory where I have to be. But there are thousands of vacancies here in Cape Coral. And the prices are very good here. I say we work out a deal. 

God has blown the doors open, after all. It would be stupid of me to panic because there are no apartments available on the Treasure Coast when there are nothing but nice places to live here. 

I think a year away from that horrible area will do my heart a world of good. I figured I’d end up in Orlando but, you know. Maybe the year after this one. 

Down 63 from start nine years ago. But this is good too. 

Party! With vegetables of course.