I almost bought the “Mythic Bitch” crop top at “Heathers: The Musical” but I didn’t. Now I wish I had.
Heather/Don’t Treadmill on Me has one job. Runs one event a year. With the help of two of my very talented friends.
Runs one event every OTHER year for the employees. Which sucked last time, but she didn’t ask for any input.
This week, she told us directors that our next useless call with her would be used to discuss the next employee event.
I am not going to the meeting because these are useless. She just stomps on her treadmill and yells at us for not being enthused about being in her presence, talking about nothing.
Any ideas I give, she tells me are dumb. Which, my team loves me so every idea I share that would benefit them cannot be dumb.
Or, worse, she wants to talk about performance reviews or trivia games or other shit no one wants to do.
Nothing ever changes; one or more of us just gets excoriated, and we all go to our next meetings.
So in the chat I said hey my team and I talked and we want to do Disney for the employee event.
Why?
The Disney Institute has teambuilding.
And you get free park access when you do that teambuilding.
Food is great. Location is amazing.
You literally rented a shitty Hilton and expect us to sit in it for two days.
MCO is cheaper to fly into than PBI.
Hotels are an eighth of the price as Boca Raton.
You insist we have this employee event on a Saturday/Sunday.
And it’s not like us locals get any perks — out of staters get flown in and nice hotels. The rest of us have to drive and pay to park once or twice.
I didn’t say all of that upfront. Just … if your goal is for us to bond and make memories … Orlando > Boca.
Literally the whole management team is like OMG YEAH.
Then this heifer says it has been decided and no you will not get your way. The hotel has been reserved.
It’s been reserved … for nine months from now. Pretty sure you can break their contract without breaking their hearts. There’s a fucking reason it’s available.
And the thing is, no one stood up to her when she said well people will be off on their own at Disney and that’s not team building.
Whore, yes it is.
I said there are five of us with annual passes. Beth, me, Cyndi, Tracy and Maddison can plan this with our eyes closed. Two of these people got married at Disney. At least one of them worked as a cast member. Just sit down on your treadmill and let us have this one.
I also said …
The company is asking us to add 35 more meetings a month to our calendars.
The company is also asking us to TRIPLE our workload … alongside all those meetings.
It would go a long way to give us something to work toward. A reward for all we are being asked to do for the exact same pay.
My texts were going off all day from my fellow directors, thanking me.
Though my favorite text came after I proposed disney.
Someone said they can’t wait to see how Heather ruins this one, because you know she will.
Well I don’t know where Heather was because we had hope for a good two hours.
I even told one of them, “Oh, I was told i have to be in constant meetings so y’all know where I am. Where is she that I am not getting a reply?”
One of them joked, “Meetings for me, but not for thee.”
She’s such a disappointment. I have so much pressure on me and my department — no one understands how much time it takes to edit or think or gather your strength to get through a day.
And when I dare whisper that I am drowning … because the boss told the research department — whose newsletters I have written personally for three years — to send me three documents a day to edit — and now he acts surprised that they are sending me all this stuff … I hear that our computer history will get pulled for review.
PULL IT. REVIEW IT.
So, it’s been three days and my team is already ready to quit if I don’t do something.
So yeah, maybe Disney isn’t the solution, and I’m not going to quit over that personally.
But I did tell everyone “alternate employee event” and let’s go to Disney that weekend and let heather do her stupid icebreakers or whatever by herself.
I told her I know she wants an escape room adventure, but the conference room itself is an escape room.
I hated the employee event two years ago. We all went to a hilton where I was originally charged $40 to park.
Then they lost my car.
Lost my car.
LOST MY FUCKING CAR.
Me and the four guys from the research team all had to wait two hours to get our cars after the event. I don’t know where the valet put our cars but I could have fucking walked to our next destination in that time.
The next destination was some golf thing.
I was steaming mad when I got there, as it was ending an hour later.
So guess what, hoe? I didn’t have any time to interact with anyone because the valet kept my fucking car underground in Cityplace, at your shitty choice of another shitty hilton.
So I don’t know who the fuck died and left you boss.
I know you think the company didn’t run for 50 years without you in it.
But considering the last event wasn’t a success — despite you bragging about it for the past 18 months like you cured cancer —
And considering you wanted us to meet to discuss the employee event —
If you’re already set on having it in another shit fuck hotel on a fucking weekend where I have to be grateful to be invited once again —
Well guess what.
I had already promised myself, if I get this disney outing with my team, I will eat shit and burn myself out even further for the cause.
But for my reward to be this cunt making decisions and the leadership letting her?
Lick me where I pee. For fucking real.
I manifest taking over the annual event and the employee event.
I don’t know what she brings that’s so special. She’s been so mean to all of us that it’s very hard to smile and say “you did such a great job!” when she gets to stay in the thousand dollar a night suites, multiple times a year, and the rest of us are barely welcome.
Yep, that’s what I want. These events should be mine.
For fucking real tho — i don’t know who died and left her boss. But she can go away and leave ME be boss.
That would very much be worth it to hang around for.
Universe, let’s make it so.