Caterwauling

I got to talking with an industry friend about my performance review.

She was pissed off at a few things.

She is also 100% honest with me when I am wrong, so when she was like “Bro that’s bullshit, what’s that guy’s number so I can introduce him to you?” I felt vindicated.

As for my supposedly improved attitude, she said you should have just said yeah my mom died five days after my last review; I’m a little less fucking stressed now.

Also, literally she and I and another of our friends could run not just the company but the entire industry if anyone would let us.

I mean, not in our current states. But, it’s just so funny to be told they want ideas — when the very thing that I got an “attitude” about was not being consulted on the product I would spend the next 2 years WRITING.

I wonder if it went unsaid that I’ve not been evil to Don’t Treadmill on Me.

Look, she’s still annoying but since she quit bitching at me so hard for a year and a half that I hung up on her every time, we’re fine.

I swear she got some HRT in her system.

Whatever the case, it’s a damn shame that I have been mostly kind for years and yet *I* get branded as having the attitude.

It’s times like this I wonder if I were skinny … if I had dangly bits … if I were a Republican … because I very much feel like they would make a difference.

My friend was sort of perplexed at my action plan for the year.

Then she said you know what, you should totally learn the open position’s skills. And promote Jim to your job.

After it was out of her mouth, she paused. “Or is that other job a ‘dangly bits’ one and you have the girly job so maybe you promote Jim to that other job someday?”

I am not intimating any of this is true. Just an interesting theory.

Something to think about between planning trips. You know, the only thing no one complains about since I travel by myself for the most part.

I give me a 4 out of 4, fuck everyone else!

A favorite tarot reader said Geminis are completing a cycle.

They’ve given all they can and they’re ready to reach the next level of their healing.

Also she asked the cards what could be blocking us.

I don’t agree but it’s an interesting theory.

And all the OTHER cards point to healing and prosperity on the other side.

We got Relocation. Death and Rebirth. Creativity. Ten of Pentacles. The World.

Whether that’s a new job, a new home, a new trip, even a new role at an old job … you have overstayed your welcome where you are.

Divine timing will reveal a new path.

And you are going to move forward or otherwise BE moved forward.

I’m hoping that’s to Japan.

I continue to be in awe of how interesting my life is.

I went from Walt Disney World to Tokyo Disney/DisneySea in April … to Miami and back to Orlando in May … before another Miami and Orlando trip in June.

Like, who even am I?

I mean, good thing I have performance reviews to remind me that, in a nutshell, at least I didn’t do my job worse last year.

I literally got diarrhea during the call yesterday. He kept asking if I had anything to say and I kept saying no.

Don’t get me wrong, I defended myself. But that didn’t change my scores.

And, like every year, I hang up and tell myself to remember this moment next time you have a great idea.

I really do want to process some of this stuff. I didn’t reject it. I do think it comes from someone who is very good at business.

But then I hear things like Spencer Pratt is running a great campaign — and I’m like well he is an awful human — and I somehow have to feel like the bad guy for not considering the guy’s brilliance, I just gotta shake my head.

I see a guy who abused his sister, isolated his wife from her family like a true narcissist does, leaked compromising photos of an underage actress, and literally did evil things on camera for sport. So no I don’t think we should keep putting reality villains into the spotlight and public offices.

Which wasn’t the point, the point was go look at his campaign. What any of this has to do with anything is beyond me. If it’s to say I’m all libbed up and I only surround myself with libby libs, OK. At least I know I won’t get raped in a room with any of them.

I mean sure I could do a better job listening to conservative voices. If there are any that aren’t getting drowned out by maga twits.

But I felt dumb explaining that I actually do pay to read a guy who annoys me to no end sometimes with his support of, say, Spencer Pratt and other people I wouldn’t wipe my ass with because he’s got a unique view of the stock market.

The TL;DR of all this is I’m supposedly more open minded and easy going than I was a year ago.

He made me into some villain at the review he gave me right before Mom died.

I don’t even remember the review because I was so irritated I had to be told who I am when my mom was literally dying five feet away from me.

I do remember being told I had an attitude problem about one of the products we launched.

Yeah well because I now write that product and I fucking hate it because the only person who gives me any help is my similarly overstretched staff member. And not the people whose names are on it.

I got that too. That I do too much “writing just to write.” Like well I have to be on call to write this trading product, which never trades, so I have to figure out how to deliver some sort of value to buyers. And I’m not even claiming to do a good job. I just do what I can after useless meeting with people with zero ideas.

I’ve only lost my attitude about it because I realized my paycheck can take me to Tokyo.

But yeah, improved attitude. Go, me.

I have HR ready to kill me over not turning in one review and not fixing up three others that she sent back.

But what you fuckers do not realize is I wait for my review.

I wait to see all those “meets expectations” I get.

Then I come up with new goals for my team to see how I can maybe get a damn 4 instead of a 2.75 on attitude or customer service.

You know, the thing I do all day, like for that publication I have always hated because the best I can get out of the actual experts is either an AI-generated table or a sarcastic quip.

I went on a limb and said people do the same job for 20 years without a career path. I used the phrase “up or out” and got quite a reaction.

But that’s the thing. I quit caring about moving up. I see no path so I decided to be happy with doing the same things, though a girl could use some inspiration. And some help, as how does one tackle new things when she’s writing research reports based on AI-generated tables and sarcastic quips?

Alas, maybe my attitude is better, as after I got to go poo-poo, I finished my work (not the reviews) and didn’t think about it again.

Until now, where I can see that if I, say, make it my staffer’s goals to teach me everything they know on topics I don’t, then I get smarter/better and in a way that will benefit me for life.

Everyone inspires me. And maybe this one inspires me in the best way — he makes me want to better myself so I can take what I need, improve what I want, and reject the rest.

And fuck Spencer Pratt and tRump and anyone who has to fucking remind me that they exist.