Caterwauling

My travel companion and I took an hour to wander Katsurazaka together.

The main street has tons of cute little stores. Many of them French, which I observed randomly.

Turns out, it’s the “Little Paris” of Tokyo.

Anyway we went into this one French store. And all it took was one bar of “Moon River” on the sound system to send tears gushing from my eyes.

My companion nodded sagely. “She got you.”

“Mom used to sing this to Kadie,” I choked out.

She didn’t need the explainer. She has plenty of random sightings from her own mom.

Heck I got one from HER mom the next day.

Our moms went from being the only ones who got us … to “getting” us when we least expect it.

In the back of the store, I saw a bag I should have bought. Or at least photographed.

It was the “Strength” tarot card.

But with a tuxedo cat instead of the person with the lion.

Kadie.

There were a couple other times I thought of Kates.

The Lucky Cat/Beckoning Cat is a Calico, like Maddie. But there are all-white and all-black and even tuxedo variants of it.

Then of all the things, on the way to Haneda, I caught the Rainbow Bridge out of the corner of my eye.

And surprisingly, I had my phone ready to capture the sign.

I imagine it’s not THE rainbow bridge where my babies wait for me.

But what a lovely thought …

That my little “huckleberry friends” are living in beautiful Japan together …

With all the flowers and the birdies and the CLEAN air and streets.

I hope there’s whipped cream and cream cheese at the bridge for my Kates.

Everyone wants to hear about Japan.

How do I say it.

ROSES

1. Kiddo time
2. DisneySea
3. Lucky Cat Train
4. Doing hard shit without help.

THORNS

1. The text I got at noon on the 16th asking where I was. As I had understood it that we were LEAVING on the 17th.

1.a. So I booked an airline I never take (American) in the D seat next to my companions in the rest of the center-section seats.

1.b. But lo, they thought I understood it was that we were LANDING on the 17th. And there I was in my weekly call with my boss trying not to let my face change.

2. Getting on the first plane and someone being in my window seat. Also, this was my window seat. Of all the ones to steal!

3. Landing (one day later) and none of us having Roaming on, and missing messages.

3.a. I was in Haneda, thinking, hmm, should I book a hotel here? Go shopping? Nah, I need to go see my people. And paid $100 for a cab to do it.

3.b. My texts after a certain point stopped going through. So I saw that the plan was to go to dinner but my text that hey I will be there in a half hour did not get through.

3.c. My cabbie dropped me somewhere and said your Airbnb is “over there.”

I had the address but no sign of family. Or the door. Finally turned on roaming. Only to find out they already went to dinner.

3.d. They said I could just leave my shit in the street and go meet them. Which … do you know where to find fat girl clothes in Tokyo? Me neither. Suitcase and Dawn stay together.

3.e. They keep trying to direct me to Airbnb. This goes on for three hours. I finally say FFS someone come get me. And I sat in the street.

3.f. They weren’t even in the Airbnb. So once they all got back, they found me.

3.g. Happily, they found me some foodz at 7-11. I am just sad I literally collapsed outside a fucking wine bar in the Little Paris of Tokyo and didn’t have the stones to go in with my big fuckin suitcase.

4. I already know they have noise machines and that I can’t handle brown noise.

That didn’t bother me.

What did was the walls were so thin, I could hear kiddo half the night. Not only that, I could hear kiddo above me AND on the monitors, which were turned up loud along with the noise machines.

So, I managed to fall asleep for a couple hours and then be UP THE FUCK ALL NIGHT afterward. Because once stirred, I cannot sleep again.

Two nights of that, I got a hotel. And took my ass to Tokyo Disneyland.

5. After I moved out, we were to meet at a temple the next morning. They texted early that kiddo was up all night and weren’t sure about arrival time.

I knew it was an hour cab ride but I figured I’d hear from them again.

Meanwhile, dumbass cut herself shaving and sat with her bloody leg up for an hour. When I finally got ready, I got a where you at text.

So I rushed to get a cab. Halfway into the $95 fare, they said they left … the temple.

I get to the Gotokuji Cat Temple, don’t understand what it is or why I’m there, and about fall over whilst trying to avoid someone on the sidewalk.

Now this brings me to ROSE 5.

I got some cold brew from a street vending machine and hopped on the first subway out.

This one turned out to be a blessing … as I caught the rare Lucky Cat Train.

I do think my fortune changed in that moment.

So, I turned it into a full day of taking the train around Tokyo. Went to Shijuku and got lost (not on purpose) in Tokyo Station.

That’s because I had trouble finding the line that — mercifully — connects to the Disney compound.

Enjoyed the mall at the Gateway station.

Went to the hotel, washed my ass and went to DisneySea.

ROSE 6:

Four days at Tokyo Disney was $150. One day at Epcot is $179.

Ears at Epcot are $35 to $50. Ears at Tokyo Disney, $11 to $12.

Popcorn at Epcot/MK — six bucks and one flavor.

Popcorn at Tokyo — 500 yen and flavors I have never seen before and will never see again.

ROSE 7:

Made a friend on the PBI.>DFW odyssey.

She got drunk on the plane.

I shotgunned two killer drinks during my 15-minute layover.

And it was the last good sleep I would have for a week.

The photobomb was my favorite.

So, when people ask, I don’t tell them all this.

I do talk about the cat train … the 7-11s, the Disney cheapness … the fact that Japan Airlines is better than Delta.

I’m not annoyed with/at anyone. Honestly I loved hanging with kiddo.

I still think about how, between the chaos of customs in Chicago (as we were all on the same flight on the same day, for a change) and the chaos of going through security to catch my next flight in 19 minutes, she reached up her little arms to hug me goodbye.

Matchy matchy, Cindy!

I enjoyed that hug more than any moment on the trip.

So, a bouquet of roses with a normal amount of thorns.

Not enough thorns to get me to stay away from Japan.

Shit, I’d still rather go back there than France, and that was my lifelong dream.

But dreams change. And so do we.

This all validates the fact that Kelly is still my travel soulmate. It also shows me that I have very good fambly that understands that I gotta do me.

When I wrote last week that I’m no one’s priority, I wasn’t kidding. Kelly felt that, too. If we don’t take care of us, who will?

Not only does a woman need a room of one’s own, but a key and a deadbolt too.

Thank the Lucky Cat that we have the means to procure each whenever we need them.

This all goes to show that Kelly remains my travel soulmate. But I’m grateful my fambly letting me do me.

I thought about Mom a lot. How she always cried for me when I had to do hard shit alone.

Like it’s not just that I would have never flown American.

I would never have done immigration and customs in a country where I know about 10 words.

Or taken illegal cabs alone.

And not so illegal ones.

Or bought/used a new currency. Or cleared customs at home. Or sat my happy ass in a sushi place and ordered food and wine.

Or booked a whole ass hotel while going stir crazy because I couldn’t leave someone else’s house without waking them up.

I know mom would have supported me. That I did what I had to do to be a pleasant human.

That I did things that scare me.

I would never have done any of it. Now I have. And I can’t wait to do it again.

There’s an old “Sex and the City” episode that I can’t get out of my mind.

I remember the name clear as day: “A Woman’s Right to Shoes.”

Carrie went to the third (!) baby shower for a beautiful Tatum O’Neal.

A kid destroys her brand new $500 shoes and the mother refuses to reimburse her.

Well that same $500 is $900 today. So, better to do it 20 years ago.

Why did she refuse?

Because she thought Carrie shouldn’t have spent that much on herself.

I’ve been feeling that a lot in the past few weeks among those who knew I was heading to Tokyo.

Like, don’t spend money before your trip. Don’t spend money after your trip. Don’t spend that much during your trip.

But … I bought a sparkly Walt Disney outfit for the trip. Which I WORE.

I bought hella Disney souvenirs for my Disney friends.

Because the same ears that would cost $40 in WDW worked out to $11-$12 with the devaluation of the yen.

And they aren’t the same ears you can get here — they are Jubilee-only at DisneySea.

Sure, I bought a metric fuckload of snacks at Don Quijote, 7-11 and in the duty-free shops.

And guess whose fat ass is enjoying them in her post-vacation depression?

I started separating out my gifts today, and honestly, it isn’t too bad. I even paid off my Amex and my Disney Visa.

Don’t talk to me about my Sapphire card, though.

Had to go load up on Trader Ming’s (er, Joe’s) and Publix so my refrigerator wouldn’t be as empty as the space between tRump’s ears.

And even then, the litany of hotels still cost less than a thousand USD.

When you think about it, Disney admission was $50 for a full day and $25 for nighttime.

So I had four days in the parks (two full, two half) for … $150.

You try getting into Epcot for under $179 for one day. And even my Aloft runs a minimum $250 a weekend even if I catch it on sale.

I did some research and other than there being a weight limit (!) and some wonky real estate minimum value, I could totally “retire” there.

Anyway! I am not a shoe girl post-pandemic, as all my heels are in a storage tub and I live in Crocs (the cute ones, not the boats).

But I am definitely the girl who ain’t got JACK to say to anyone who’s got an opinion about my spending.

Especially if they were, are or about to be the beneficiary of it, in some way or another.

But hey, no ears for you then.

But big props to my friend Scott who’s Tokyo-bound later this year.

He commended my upgrade to First Class (which is still far shittier than Japan’s peon class).

First on American:

Peon on Japan:

And said that’s what we SHOULD be doing with transatlantic flights.

Like, at our age, wouldn’t it be ridiculous NOT to give our bodies something more than a shrunken seat?

I was sitting in the street in a foreign country.

Realized in a big way that I am nobody’s priority anymore now that mom is gone.

This after sitting in a different street because I couldn’t find the Airbnb.

Not that i had a key to it anyway.

Now i am in bed by 9 and the only edible food i have had is from 7-11.

If I leave Japan with seeing nightlife or eating sushi, i will jump off the plane.

My elevator was broken so i had to drag my shit down five floors.

And my companions left the day before me so i had to navigate my first overseas trip alone.

So if i don’t get some damn culture this is gonna be five ish grand that coulda paid for my move.

I was telling my friends about the whole anti-semite shite.

My friend said he was called a groomer for not wanting libraries to remove books that some wacko fake religious people are mad about.

And now today, I got called an old white racist.

I laughed.

Some influencer bought a Tesla and was looking for compliments. I said it’s really not a flex to support fascism.

So she and all her friends jumped me and said I don’t want to see a Black queen succeed. That I wish I had that money to buy braces.

I said you can drive that discontinued Swastikar to Target, for all I care.

I’m over here supporting YOU by not giving my money to people who actively hate women and Black women specifically.

But, by all means, do you.

Maybe I’ll start going back to Target after all this.

Someone I follow was down in the dumps after cancer treatment.

She said anyone have good news, please share it.

I said myself and another are going to fly to a city from our respective cities. From there, we’ll fly together to a destination city.

I booked my seat on an airline I don’t like, in the back of the plane (which I really don’t like) but I was so stoked for this trip.

This person messaged me from the middle city to ask where I was.

On the phone with my boss of the same name as said city. My flight leaves tomorrow.

Well. Lil communication snafu apparently.

I just wish I were A) there or B) on any other airline.

I did make myself feel better with a big fat seat upgrade.

Still. Just annoyed because I checked everything three times before I dropped that big fat comma on the airfare alone.

Half debating about taking an extra day while I’m out there.

I mean, let’s just say I don’t speak the language. I don’t know jack about any fucking thing because I expected to arrive alongside someone who does.

Now, fuck. If I gotta figure that out, might as well figure it all out, right?

I’m hardly mad. Like well, here we are.

So, this is not me saying I shoulda gone somewhere else then. Or spent that cash on an apartment I want to live in.

It’s more like, well, it’s GOT to be perfect from here, since the most annoying thing I could not POSSIBLY have anticipated already happened.

OK, Airline. Better measure up to Delta, though I already know that ain’t happening. So, just stay in the sky, hey? All right then, good chat.

Spent the weekend at the Delray Affair.

My second favorite affair.

In any event, Mom and I used to go. I worked in Downtown Delray, and I’d get lunch at one of the tents on the Friday. Then I’d bring Mom on Saturday for the full day.

We’d swing by again on Sunday to pick up a frozen lemonade for her and some chicken kebabs for the car ride to wherever we headed next.

I got a bit nostalgic this weekend. Like why am I hunting for apartments anywhere but here?

Oh because a 2BR used to cost me $1,100 and the same unit is $2,400. Before valet trash, amenity fees, convenience fees (to pay the rent) and parking fees. Which brings it up to $2,650 for a 1BR. THE HELL.

I sat with my feelings for a good long while after my Affair that took me to …

Barcelona (wine bar)

Dada (my Disney)

And Rose’s Daughter.

Which … being Rose’s granddaughter at Rose’s Daughter was an emotional roller coaster I was not ready for.

Though the prosciutto and melon and the carpaccio?

Ready for those!

I hate being priced out of my paradise.

“I’m just getting the color back into my face.
I’m just mad as hell ’cause I loved this place
For so long, London.
Had a good run
A moment of warm sun
But I’m not the one.”

Tarot keeps giving me The World about Delray. Completion.

The end of the Affair, as it were.

“Living without her
Living at all
Seems to slow me down
Living forever
Hell, I don’t know.”

From Taylor Swift to Ben Howard. I need to do a mashup.

I got the Ten of Wands today about it all, too.

Wonder if I would have gotten different cards if I didn’t have to hit the damn lottery to stay in my own damn town.

Came home around 7:30 p.m.

Saw a cuddle puddle of street cats out in the lot. Four of them, asleep together under a car.

They didn’t even stir when they heard my car.

I wanted to scoop them all up and take them home. But I didn’t.

We got our resident directory yesterday.

I looked for the people I hate most. Still not dead.

I also looked for Rita, the lady who takes care of the cats.

She’s gone.

Some other lady is in her unit, and not her roommate.

I remember Rita saying she and the roommate were probably going to move because the HOA costs are out of fucking control.

That was while I was still feeding the kids too.

I panicked. What if she left and I was stuck with the job forever?

When I stopped feeding, it was partially that my brain was a mess over Cocoa and Mom.

It was also partially that I was sick of dealing with these fuckhead neighbors over the small act of giving a cat something little to get through the day.

But it was a big part that I was not planning to stick around, so it made sense to just tell Rita figure it out and rally the neighbors if she could to replace me.

Who knew I’d be here longer than her.

She had promised me she’d keep a gate key and come back. I’d said the same thing when we left Renaissance Commons. We did go back a bunch of times. But dealing with two sets of asshole neighbors (there and here) was too much.

I still have that gate key in my car.

And I still feel like ass for all the animals I’ve fed who still need to eat. I never wanted to be a hero, but I never wanted to be someone else who let them down, either.

Honestly Rita kept promising to capture and rehome them all. Surprised she would leave without making good on that. She was always flaky, though. But no one loved those kids like she did.

Poor babies, let down by all of us now.

After my friend E. asked me if I was antisemitic for — gasp — a meme that (correctly) expressed my frustration with zionists (among others) …

She’s returned to liking all my posts.

Look, I had no problem cutting off all my MAGA connections.

Turns out, I don’t give a fuck about my Democratic ones, either.

I got so sick of her commenting on all my shit (positively!) that I hit the unfriend button.

That’s the thing when “your person” dies.

That’s the relationship you should have saved (ok maybe not from death, though I did try).

Any other relationship?

Expendable.

I don’t have hard feelings.

But I don’t need to be reminded every time I see them of how angry their question made me.

I mentioned this shit to one of my Black staffers.

She said, “You? Is she CRAZY? You love everyone. You treat us all so well. I can’t imagine you being anything other than loving.”

That was perspective I needed desperately in that moment.

It made me realize that, as a supervisor, I have learned how to approach people better than most.

So I can’t get too mad at someone asking me something bluntly rather than thoughtfully.

I’ve ignored people’s comments. Like Renee’s family and their shitty comments about “brown people.”

I’ve also been more direct with, “Hey, I know your heart. But that phrase you used can be triggering for some. Just wanted to let you know it may be taken in a way you don’t want.”

I’ve also done the fake apology, as I did with the antisemitic shit. The “I’m sorry it came across a certain way.” Which she took as a genuine apology.

Which it wasn’t.

Fuck Netanyahu. Fuck Trump for capitulating to him. Fuck everyone who can’t see that the Holocaust and the genocide in Gaza and Ukraine are REALLY FUCKING SIMILAR.

Wanting a free Palestine makes me this? Insane.

Not to falsely equate the Holocaust with modern genocide, because that isn’t the intent. But also not to act like they aren’t achieving the same outcome through modified means.

I know Mom really liked E. She liked Renee too. And she loved Mike.

But she could still separate how they spoke to/treated me from the best she saw (or wanted to see) in them.

And she’d still think (insert name of someone I avoid like trumpers avoid vaccines) was a motherfucking dick.

Film at 11 for that one. God I hate this asshole, more today than usual, but at least I don’t have to pretend to be friends. But i also can’t cut him off.

I am well aware of all the times I smile and laugh and “9.0 hair flip!” for someone who would wipe their ass with my hair.

I’m also well aware of how I slam down the phone and can’t speak to anyone for four hours after that performative nonsense on my part.

White men and accountability, amirite?

An old college friend passed this week.

I sent his partner a note to say wow, they’d been each other’s person since we all had a “1” in our ages.

Long before we all had a “5” in front of it.

I didn’t ask her any questions. Not even when I got the funeral arrangements.

When another of our college friends passed — one of MY people — she reached out and was respectful in that same way.

I wasn’t ready to talk. I’m still not.

That’s the thing. We owe NOBODY.

Anyway, I’m sad that there’s no longer a world with Jason in it.

Good looking guy. So sweet. Cat dad. Liberal. Loved his lady, nature, his family and friends.

I mean, even if I didn’t already know him as a great person, I would have guessed that this was a tragic loss.

But knowing them both as I did — and she and I have stayed fairly connected — I know the size of a hole that his absence leaves.

I know she went through some major shit with her job recently. Eventually landed somewhere great.

But I remember thinking, how nice to have a partner who supports you burning your career to the ground to take a stand against injustice there.

So, I liked him extra for letting her be her. Just the way we like her.

Pour one out for Jason tonight, if you can. And his three cats.

Magic will tell you, no one loves you quite like the one who left you.