Caterwauling

I know I need to post a job opening.

Put out some feelers first, as I know what hell a posting will unleash.

Sure enough, I heard from a bunch of people I never wanted to think of again.

The first didn’t read my plea carefully. He bragged that he’s writing for Newsmax. Not the flex you think it is, Sparky. And he ended with, “I’m crushing it!”

So, Pete Kegsbreath’s spirit animal, back from the dead-to-me.

Does he forget WHEN HIS BOSS FUCKING SUED US.

When I had to turn over my PERSONAL DEVICES to a FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR to prove that I wasn’t doing anything fucking nefarious.

GOD.

I was telling my HR person about this. I said what next, the lady who I hired to write finpubs but all she wanted to write about was pickleball?

Well, fuck me, guess who wrote to me six hours later.

When I fired her, it was after six months of her complaining to everyone about me. That I edited her stuff too much. That I don’t value her wonderfulness.

The phrase you’re going for was “I rewrote your stuff too much,” Cupcake.

Pickleball. Fuck you for wasting my time.

Look, in hindsight, I asked her to write some very hard things.

I write them now.

It’s driving me absolutely bugshit nuts.

But for Christ’s sake, it is not hard to write about the stock market without mentioning PICKLEBALL.

Getting back to when I fired her, it wasn’t an “I understand” or “I would like another chance.”

It was “I’m OLD and no one else will hire me — can’t you hold on to me till I retire in xx years?”

You know, the last time I got shitcanned, I asked if there was anything I could do … or could have done … to change their minds. They said no and I said thanks for the opportunity.

I didn’t say “But my mom was diagnosed with cancer three weeks ago and I crashed my car four times because I was preoccupied and now I have repairs and have to rent a car to drive to Miami Cancer Center.”

Now this person emails me, right?

Not “Hi Dawn would love to work with you again.”

But …

“No one else will hire me and I know you have a heart, please hire meeeeeeeee.”

You know, I don’t know where she got that I have a heart.

From what she said behind my back (and never to my face) was that I was satan incarnate.

Cindy! You two could be friends!

So no, I don’t have a heart.

I used to think that if you appealed to someone’s emotions, it would soften them.

Turns out, it has the opposite effect.

I asked HR is there a fun way to say ineligible for rehire.

She said if you figure it out, let me know.

Here’s what I came up with.

I am feeling more horrible than I’m letting on, believe it or not.

Not that I feel sorry for either.

But that I don’t want bad karma for NOT paying people a minute longer who weren’t worth what I did pay them.

Both were dicks to me, yes.

But I do hope there is grace if they need it.

I just don’t have any more to give. Believe me, I begged for my people to get a raise before I bring in anyone else. Failing that, I gotta bring in someone who can alleviate everyone’s stress.

And neither of them has “Your Photo Here” next to the cavalry we so desperately need to rescue us.

When I told the psychic I am looking to move, she said oh you want a career change.

Not a question. A statement.

I was like no no, I like what I do. And my job is portable.

And the reading went on.

Since then, I cannot shake the feeling that my guides or my mom said something.

Mom had told me to stick with this job till I didn’t have to anymore.

That was her last piece of advice to me.

Milk it then go do something else, now that I won’t have a family to support anymore.

For fun, I did a tarot reading about work yesterday.

It was a frickin doozy.

Literally all signs point to completion. Just like with the apartment. I get the World (completion) card for both. No matter how many tarot readings I do.

I already know I failed when I left before. So I am absolutely bound by holy terror that I will suck at everything else.

But … I feel like I suck at this, too.

At least, from what I read from other GenX posters on the interwebz. That if you just can’t get it up, it’s time to do something more spiritually aligned.

That’s what ChatGPT told me too. You’re ready for spiritual alignment. Whatever that looks like.

I mean, it looks like social justice and writing novels. But I didn’t take Mom’s advice to milk it and save money. I have blown it on trips and experiences.

I mean, gonna die whether or not I ordered a burger or a filet. Get the filet and a bottle of wine, then.

And the way this world is going, I have no desire to reincarnate. Better experience Disney as much as I can while I still want to be on this side of the veil.

I find it interesting about seeing the World card so much. It really is a peaceful bye Felicia card.

What’s interesting too is at least career-wise I pulled the Wheel of Fortune card when I said what if I stay.

That’s exactly what happens. It gets better, it gets lower and the cycle continues.

I think my next vacation will be the real tell. I will never forget spending five grand on my Disneyland trip, only to stare at the park from my hotel room most of the time.

At least I enjoyed my trip to WeHo and Vegas for another ten grand, woo. I checked OUT.

Of course, half of that was over a weekend.

We’ll see what happens when I’m more than three time zones away.

I know it’s my own fault. Boredom then cranking out stuff like my life depends on it. Because it does.

Maybe it’s burnout? Maybe it’s Maybelline?

Clearly I need another reading.