“To be a witch is not only to refuse the yoke, it’s to collaborate in burning down the barn that imprisons us all.” — Amanda Yates Garcia
What was I saying recently, that inspiration is literally everywhere? I just sat down to collect some thoughts, and this jumped out at me.
AYG tells the story of her grandmother, who measured a woman’s entire worth on her ability to keep a man.
I mean, there are some good men out there worth keeping. Even if you don’t love them and just pretend for the world to see. Tra la la.
Most haven’t been, in my experience. At least, not romantically.
Professionally, however …
Yesterday I found myself vacillating between “oh shit, I’ve succumbed to colonial patriotism” and “I choose this because I like money.”
It’s a bigger metaphor for the literal being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Which I’d love to write about but, again, I like money.
Anyway, my knee-jerk reaction to it all was to go visit the want ads. Not because I want to leave, but because I haven’t really stood up for myself as much as I could have.
Like, what if that goes absolutely terribly in the face of the new regime that, understandably because we are all entrenched in capitalism, the answer to “what have you done for me lately” is “not enough” or “not what we were hoping”?
A friend said I need to know my worth. I’m like I know it just fine. I just don’t know that I’ve communicated it enough under the assumption that it has been understood.
But that got me to thinking (cue Carrie Bradshaw), no, they really don’t know my worth. Other than my momma, no one does.
I don’t even think I know it as well as my momma does.
My contribution has always been to try to provide what everyone wants. If I get my way in the process, even better.
What my friend pointed out is that the hot seat shouldn’t be mine to sit on. XYZ failed to do their part, so don’t look at me to fix it.
I think it’s bigger than knowing one’s (or others’) worth.
As AYG points out, it’s knowing one’s WILL.
Are we doing what’s right, best or enjoyable … or are we doing it for accolades, money, the Joneses?
I wrote about free will recently. Or at least I think I did. Maybe I didn’t publish it. Who knows.
But how many of us use our free will to decide to conform, contort or compromise for the sake of peace?
I value my peace above all. So I like to think THAT is me exercising free will.
I’m also feeling and getting older. 30-ish ain’t what it used to be, hoo boy. It’s too late to make waves.
Or is it?
I just worry that being one’s authentic self results in living under the bridge downtown. If you had a downtown, or one that had a bridge. I guess we have a lot of drawbridges, so who wants to live on a broken-down dock for the sake of what we all perceive to be freedom?
Anyway, it’s so cliche to say “stay wild, moon child.” It’s the watered-down witchy equivalent of “live, laugh, love.”
My niece has a poster in her virtual game room that says “kill, laugh, love.” I think she’s got it right.
Anyway, maybe I’ve spent enough time with my shadow for now. Or maybe it’s that I’ve spent enough time with OTHERS’ shadows … or IN them … for a good, long time.
Time for some shadowboxing, clearly.