Caterwauling

Run to the water, and find me there

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

A couple of young girls went
Sailing down A1A
Into the arms of Florida
Sailing down a highway
Singing their heads off
Protected by the holy ghosts
Flying in the ocean
Driving with their eyes closed

The night wants to kiss you deep
And be on his way
Pretend he don’t know you the very next day
Isn’t it hard sometimes
Isn’t it lonely?
How I still hang around here
And there’s nothing to hold me

You slide down into the seat
From 12 hours on your feet
And get the tide to wash you away
For thousands and thousands of days
And someone you never meet
Signs a check you get every week
You try and you still can’t forget
All the strangers that you have met

The night never owed you nothing anyway
Makes promises that he never intends to keep every day
Isn’t it hard sometimes
Isn’t it lonely?
How I still hang around here
And there’s nothing to hold me

Every time, every year
The travelers come and go
You see them landing with their pale wings
And flying back to the snow
And the summer comes marching in
With his heavy boots on
Kicking along the blacktop
Sidewalks of A1A
The young girls in their bare feet
Cigarettes smoking
Looking every which way
Wishing and hoping

And you want the night just to let you sleep
And be on his way
Wrap you up in some cool sheets
And have nothing to say

Isn’t hard sometimes
Isn’t it lonely?
How I still hang around here
And there’s nothing to hold me.”

Patty Griffin, “Florida”

No tea parties for me; I’m where I need to be

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

A photographer, I am not. All you have to do is look at any of my cat photos on Flickr to realize that.

And yet, I live in a gorgeous place that photographs beautifully. It’s hard to believe that every single photo I’ve taken here has been on a cameraphone. Any moron who can point and shoot can have a breathtakingly spectacular photo album.

The ocean seems to be my only friend right now. I’m OK with that — its presence is tremendous. It’s everywhere, and it’s there waiting for me when I leave work or escape from the house or need a moment of clarity in between errands. It’s always close by and it welcomes me when I’m moved to drop by for a visit.

I’ve been eating for crap since I left the old job a month ago. (It’s been a month already? Feels like a lifetime ago.) But I walk on the beach several times a week, and it helps me to maintain my weight and maybe even overcome the metric buttload of sweets that always find their way into the company kitchen (and, in turn, onto my hips.)

I met with my boss today. Let me rephrase, we met for a couple of smokes at our favorite set of Adirondack chairs that are down the street and around the corner from our world headquarters. (*happy sigh*) No more conference rooms, no more pantyhose, no more worrying that my attire doesn’t pass the test. It’s just me, in my cute flip-flops and whatever limited supply of summer clothes I’ve managed to pull together for the day.

I only have about two months’ worth of summer clothes — that’s all I needed in D.C. Now that’s it’s summer 10 months out of the year, I’ve got some shopping to do. I got my first pay today — I almost passed out and fell over dead. Told my boss I felt like I should give him a thank-you card for it. He said he sees big things for me and has big plans to rely on me as a “thought leader” when I get into the swing of things.

I had once told him, probably not two days ago — time escapes me down here — that I was worried about going from a superstar who could supposedly do no wrong at the old ranch, to someone new and unproven and maybe who left her mojo back in D.C. He was the one who said that I simply traded jerseys — I was with the Mets; now I’ve joined the Yankees. I still know how to play ball, right?

I realized something today, and it’s that I have become the old version of myself. But with new features. It’s like how I had to use PCs for my entire working life but I was always a Mac girl and now I have two Macs. The platform is familiar, and it’s easy to use and it feels like home. But the operating system has been improved thousandfold. It was always a fabulous system, and it’s gone through a lot of improvements along the way while I wasn’t looking.

Because I’m a geek and pal around with other smarty pantses, we all said I was rebooting my hard drive with this move. Nuking and paving and overwriting and reinstalling. I have returned to my roots as relaxed and unafraid. I’m rediscovering my faith and confidence that things are happening as they should and that I will turn out just fine.

I think of all the friends I’ve made during the past (too many) years, who actually liked the uptight version of me. Don’t get me wrong — I still find myself falling into old thought patterns. But then I remember how awesome it is to be all Zen Goddess-like, and I can return to that state pretty quickly. Mind over matter, people. It’s easy to let yourself fall in love with life when you realize that it actually is going in your favor overall.

Oh, if all those friends could see me now. … Imagine all the awesomeness that they never got to see because it had all but evaporated. Hallelujah for recapturing your spirit by buying back your soul.

Goddess, pleased to make your re-acquaintance. You’ve been missed. Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine and will stick around to bask in it for a long time to come.

Burst of happy

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

I can’t believe I got this shot on my iPhone. I find that most of my best shots come from that thing. All hail the almighty Apple. *bows*

Don’t have a lot to say today. Have mostly been either at work or trying to come up with ideas for it. Also have been fighting with our content management system; once I learn that thing, it will be cake. Cake, I tell you, cake.

Speaking of cake (and Easter candy in general), I’ve eaten my weight in it these past few days. All hail the faulty thyroid for actually registering a weight LOSS after all that sinful eating. Everybody brings so much junk into the office, and in a space that’s about the size of my apartment, it’s very hard to get away from temptation.

I stuck with my Saturday morning Weight Watchers meeting. It’s me and 37 Brooklyn Jews in their octogenarian years. But I kind of had fun this time around; I may give this date and time slot a shot. We have a lot of favorite delis and restaurants in common.

But I was mostly endeared when they all wished me a “Happy Eastah.” Seriously, cute as friggin’ buttons, they were. I miss New York more than I miss D.C. right now.

On the subject of travel, I am kind of bummed these days; a trip I normally take each May probably won’t happen. I’m getting my wish to work on intensive projects instead of having the same schedule every day. And we’re diving headfirst into “holy mother of God, how the fuq are we going to do all this in that short of a time period?” land. But it’s all in God’s hands, you know? If I’m meant to go, the production schedule will get bumped by a week or two. I ain’t mad and I ain’t losing sleep. I have enough to worry about otherwise.

I’ll spare you the “otherwise.” But if the term OEH^TM (Over-Extended Houseguest) comes to mind … ding-ding-ding you win a prize!

Anyway, I’m posting a happy beach photo today because the storm clouds are looming and, for as desperately as I need a car wash, I just don’t wanna have my parade rained on right now. Other than that one blip on the radar (see previous graf), I’m happy to say that life is as full of sunshine and rainbows as it’s ever been, and I don’t take that for granted. Not one bit.

Instead of bitching to high hell about the lost potential of my day, I would rather share something that makes me happy.

Walking on the beach, and maybe even going in the water, even if it’s only knee-deep. And then licking your lips and tasting the salt even though you would never actually dare to get your face or hair wet.

“In these words I create you
Into someone who will always come back
Once you’ve closed the door
Into someone who will never refuse
When I ask for more
But if I think I can own you
with some lavender prose
Or a violet song
I am wrong
And if I think I can have you
With a salty kiss
Or a sultry dance
Well I can’t.”

– Vanessa Daou, “Make You Love”

Sure, finding sand in your buttcrack later on in the day is a little disconcerting. But whereas it’s so much fun to kiss folks who’ve just ingested coffee or olive oil or something else unique to my tastes, a girl realizes she can’t wait to find her next victim conquest and see what it’s like to kiss someone who’s spent some time near the salt water.

Did I mention that I signed up for a singles cruise? A girl’s gotta have goals, and a way of getting to them. Even if she’s *eyerolling* at the whole singles scene of it all. …

Was just wondering whether, if you wish hard enough for someone to call, that they actually would. And that concludes Chapter One of “Goddess’ Guide to Passive-Aggressiveness.”

“There’s a place on your mouth
That I was born to kiss
And a place there beside you
That doesn’t exist.”

– Tara MacLean, “Over and Out”

Speaking of passive-aggressive, sent the Over-Extended Houseguest a nastygram yesterday. It was wrong on my part to say, “Here are my plans for Easter if you want to tag along.” And then follow it up with three paragraphs’ worth of “this is why I’m angry.” The response was a simple, “Have a nice day.” And boy did that piss me off more.

I’m not saying my approach was flawless. But I said if not getting a job or leaving the house is being caused by a bigger issue, I need to know that. Because right now I’m seeing things for what they are and not understanding why things have to be this way. And that’s what makes me resentful and loath to comply with any of the mounting requests to play chauffeur, babysitter or whatever the hell else seems to be expected of me.

I also noted that I have roommate possibilities. Not that I want a roommate. I really don’t. But a temporary houseguest who is willing to pay till something better comes along? I shouldn’t have to give that up; it should be my right to be able to offer it as an option.

Have a nice day. *thbbbppppttttt*

I will thank you very much. Reminds me of someone who I always ask how they’re doing and they tell me in great detail that answer. And then the conversation stops. One of these days, I’m going to interject with an, “I’m SUPER, thanks for asking!”

Anyway, am just sitting here at the ‘puter, wearing my prescription sunglasses, since the sun is always in my eyes in the a.m. here, no matter how tightly I try to close the vertical blinds. Am also wasting time before geriatric Weight Watchers meeting — I didn’t manage to get out to the meeting I wanted this week (Thursday). It was a pretty intense week, so I headed to the shore that night to freeze my ass off have some time to myself.

It actually worked out well because one of my beloveds in D.C. gave me a call, and we had a marathon gossip session. I like it that my friends look toward me as an influence, although I probably shouldn’t be proud that the “shameless hussy” part of the story is the only thing that sticks. Oh well. Like I told my friend, it’s all about having a story to tell. Even if you actually can’t tell a soul the details of what and whom and everything in between!

To go to WW, or not to go? I know there ain’t gonna be good news on the scale front, that’s for sure. O HAI cupcake for dinner last night. It was my favorite — chocolate icing on white batter. (I’m sure there’s a metaphor or a joke in there somewhere.)

I was also just lamenting the fact that I don’t get to do my Saturday morning runs to Balducci’s anymore, since those are only based in D.C. and N.Y. *cry* Florida has nothing resembling it.

I don’t know what I’m going to do for my birthday next month — I ALWAYS buy myself a small strawberry cake from Balducci’s. (Methinks it’s a cupcake year instead, unless some nice person wants to visit during Memorial Day weekend and bring me one. …) :9