‘When I close my eyes I see / all the space and mystery’

Edge of the ocean

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

“Ohhh, we can begin again.
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in.
At the edge of the ocean
We can start over again.”

— Ivy, “Edge of the Ocean”

I found my new church this morning. My beloved Pastor Barb in D.C. had given me two recommendations in this area. I tried one last week (meh) and the other today. And today’s house o’ worship was smaller and more-intimate and oh my God, so much better than the first. I was immediately welcomed and embraced by half the congregation. And the minister was just awesome. We talked about the stock market and otherwise just clicked.

Sure, it’s not a thing like my old church; nothing will ever measure up to that. But it’s got its good points, too. And since I can’t have the old church (waah), this is as close to a runner-up as I’m gonna get, and I see the potential.

But the real highlight of my day was lunch and beach time with my beloved Vitamin D from D.C. and her daughter B. (So, basically, I got my Vitamins B and D today. Yay!) OMG, so much fun. So NICE, too, to be away from that oppressive old office and just chilling and chatting and catching some rays.

What was funny was that she had brought well wishes from a ton of my old colleagues. And a job offer. 🙂 Well, that wasn’t the funny part, but what is is that she came down here to see Goddess, but Goddess doesn’t live here anymore. She got wind of the totally transformed Beach Zen Goddess, and who only knows if people who haven’t seen me with their own eyes will believe how different I’ve become.

I was a walking stress knot in D.C. Job was starting to suck, traffic always sucked, health was starting to suck, social life was actually recovering from suck, and home life was Teh Suck. So yeah, I had mentally checked out in a lot of ways, when I wasn’t stressed right the fuck out, of course.

But here, I am different. I know I’m different. I have no problem walking around in shorts and a tank top. I don’t give a shit that my makeup is melted off by the time I get into the car in the morning. I don’t quite care that my hair is windblown from driving topless. (Behave, people.)

And if I were still in D.C., I would NEVER be perfectly comfortable walking around in a bathing suit. Meanwhile, now I park on the other side of the Intracoastal Waterway (parking is free before it and costs a fortune, the closer you get to the water). And yes, I walk to my car in my sun- and water-soaked duds. So what, I say. So what?

That’s the interesting thing about a beach town. Sure, there are “beach bodies,” as they were. People don’t really diet down here — they’re active and tan and happy. And sure we have the “snowbirds” (who only flock down here for the winter) and the vacationers. And guess what? They don’t give two shits about what they look like.

You can go into any restaurant or beach shop, and track a case of sand with you. (Dear Self: Go to the car wash AFTER the beach, not BEFORE.) We all look like hell. I never DREAMED I’d become that way. It’s FABULOUS.

But the best part is the internal transformation, and how quickly it happened for me. I’ve been here, what, 10 days or so? I know I have a lot to worry about. But my brain has been nuked and paved, and it’s rewiring itself. Things will happen the way they’re supposed to.

Sure, I’m nervous that I’m not going to live up to the grand expectations of my new peers. Sure, my “goddess” title may be in jeopardy on the work front if I don’t rise to the occasion. But I can only handle one big problem at a time, and that’s my Extended Houseguest situation.

(Thanks for throwing out all the suction cups that adhere the glass table tops to the wrought-iron tables. The ones I told you to back away from. Even though you insist that you didn’t touch them.)

Or hell, maybe I was frustrated and tossed them myself. I doubt it, but anger makes me do a lot of dumb things without ever remembering them.

But in any event, I’ve left Goddess 2.0 or 3.0 or whatever the hell version I was on back in D.C. There’s a whole new goddess in town here, and just like the 58-odd pounds from my frame that I left back in my old world, I’ve discarded nearly everything else that was weighing me down. I used to subscribe to the “life is crap” theory. Meh. Not so much anymore. Life is pretty fricking awesome right now.

And even though the weight loss was pretty small at my weigh-in yesterday (2.6 pounds during the past month. A MONTH, PEOPLE), my soul seems to be floating on air.

Today was a first for D and me. For both of us, it was the first time we went into the ocean. When she comes to town, there’s usually a riptide or other warning that keeps her out of the water. And I never bring a swimsuit; I usually go in about ankle-deep and take a walk because I’ve just come from work or errands. But not today — today, we immersed ourselves in the salt water and got knocked over by waves and had an AWESOME time.

There was an Associated Press photographer hanging around us all day. We thought he was trying to steal our stuff while we swam, but he was legitimately just standing on the beach with a big ol’ camera and a cocktail (we think, anyway).

I overheard someone asking him what his deal was, and he said he was with the AP, looking for good shots. I’m hoping that “good shot” wasn’t my fat wet ass up in the air on my blanket, showing what pudgy pork roasts American beachgoers are. 🙂 And I just realized that BOTH sets of cheeks are sunburned. I’m sure that’s a picture the world wants to see!

One Lonely Response to ‘When I close my eyes I see / all the space and mystery’

  1. Lachlan :

    So, so happy for you. More than words can express.

    Now, if we can just resolve the Over-Extended Houseguest problem…