When Mom was about to leave, I got a performance review that I was too exhausted to be affected by.
I was given a list of books to read on improving my productivity.
Mom died three weeks later.
I never heard about those books again.
It was two years ago tomorrow that she last left the house.
A very stressful drive to Deerfield Beach. Where I got a lousy parking spot and she was in pain and couldn’t walk and couldn’t really see the beach either.
I knew we wouldn’t be back.
That’s why, the day she did pass, the first thing I did was drive to Deerfield Beach.
To show her the way, since she never drove there herself.
I got to thinking how the guy at Poppie’s called me bubbly.
I think that my attitude has spared me from a lot. May not be productive at times, but I make it a good environment for everyone. I coach and encourage and, if you’re not showing me your O face from your treadmill, I can make you feel like you matter.
But I really am sad.
So if you catch me smiling, don’t think I’m healed or over it or moving on.
If you catch me smiling, I assure you, I am five seconds away from remembering that my mother is dead.
So, let me have those moments before I remember the most important thing in my life has left me forever.
Trust me, if I had the chance to get my mom back …
If I would give up this nonsense life where tRump kills and SAs children … women are getting shot in the streets …
Where I refuse to have sex with a man till my period stops (whenever that may be) bc I am tired of birth control and oh I have no rights to my own body anymore …
And where I have to hide my social media from people who think Charlie Kirk was the tits …
I would do it in a fucking HEARTBEAT.