End of an era

April 27th, 2021, 2:57 AM by Goddess

The crystal shop painted over its blue flamingo.

Now it’s just a bland, beige concrete wall.

Fitting.



What the witch doctor ordered

April 23rd, 2021, 10:33 PM by Goddess

Sleeping with Jasper.

Onyx!

Er … On it!



Copy that

April 15th, 2021, 12:08 PM by Goddess

I was just washing dishes after I put a pizza in the oven.

A pizza … overnighted from PITTSBURGH!

And I laughed and laughed about some dipshit who subtweeted me that it “must be nice to not have a house to clean.”

Same nutbag who said it “must be nice to not have kids.”

Same tweet, in fact.

This of course preceded tweets — complete with photos showing their propped-up Sasquatch feet — bragging that someone else in the house was out paying the maid while she lazed.

You didn’t think I could find out. I saw the messages.

Anyway.

I’ll just get back to making lunch, cleaning the house, working and taking care of people who need it … and I’ll do it with gratitude and not complaint.

I’ll also do it without being tempted in the least to see what absolute fucking stupidity this post will inspire on Twitter.



Popper

April 14th, 2021, 8:43 PM by Goddess

I used to feed a colony of kitties behind a store.

Then one day, some nasty biatch came out of the store and told me some other nasty biatch complained about me. So, shoo. Don’t you come back now, y’hear.

I laughed in her face. I’d been threatened with dogs and weapons before that date. I even had a Black man with an unleashed pit bull call the cops on me for feeding the ducks.

Like bitch, I ain’t scared of none of you. Also, I even asked the cop, what Black man calls the cops on a white woman? You’re lucky I’m no Karen and he’s lucky you’re a red-headed wuss.

(I’m lucky I lived…)

Then one night, my car broke down there. No big, just the battery. But it was a long wait in the rain with zero power. Which means the car doesn’t lock. Super fun.

So I took a break. A month in Key West kind of break.

I came back and some of my animals didn’t know me. But they were still grateful for the foodz. Eventually I got it down to once a week. Then I got it down to “if that.”

Meantime, I adopted a colony at my own compound. I still get shit from the property owners, like I did at the store. But they mostly harass someone else who is way more visible about it.

Her favorite is a tiny white cat, Amelia. My favorite was a tiny black cat, who closes his eyes when anyone walks by so we won’t see him.

Amelia is funny. I went to feed her the other night, and she wanted to tell me that the black cat was on the other side of the car that I was feeding her on.

(They all wait under my car, then we go to a van with an ACLU sticker for feeding time.)

I said, I know, honey. I got you both.

I put food out for the other kitty, who sat under the van and kept his eyes closed. Amelia supervised. I took a few steps away, and I could see she went back to her food. And I saw open eyes over the other meal.

Now we have a new kitty.

I was calling him Nutmeg because he looks like a kitty I babysat not long ago. My friend calls him Poppins because he hides in the bushes and pops out when he sees our ankles.

Now I call him my little Jalapeño Popper.

Popper loves to weave in and out of my ankles. I would probably be covered in fur if I didn’t shave my legs religiously, pretty much the one pre-pandemic ritual I couldn’t part with.

He doesn’t even want to eat till I leave. He just cherishes our petting and play time. It’s sweet and sad and heart-wrenching and joy-inducing, all in those moments we get before I leave to feed the ducks on the other side of the complex.

Anyway. I don’t have any stories. Just love these little fur-beasts so much.

I never really wanted kids because I was afraid I wouldn’t love them enough. But cats? Love. Love, love, love.

Hope my Popper has a safe place to sleep. This is a nice, quiet place by the sea. I just really, really hope someone else nice feeds him or takes him in. But considering I only have one friend in a compound of 100 mostly foreign-owned units, I’m going to guess not.

Good night, kitties.



Postscript

April 14th, 2021, 8:18 AM by Goddess

I just tried to send an email to the account where incoherent messages were sent.

The message bounced. Mailbox full.

I probably missed a few more missives, then.

That’s the fun part of having a name that’s a noun. Love or hate me, you’ll never forget me.

You’ll understand that I won’t be returning the favor.

Have a nice day, and drink your water!



412

April 13th, 2021, 2:22 PM by Goddess

I’ve been seeing this number all around me lately.

It was my area code for the first quarter-century of my life.

My current area code follows me a lot more. It shows up everywhere. So does my third area code, which is attached to the phone I gave to Mom. And my birth date.

I figure these are signs of something. Like deja vu is, to me, a sign that I’m right where I am supposed to be.

I just got a call from the 412 area today. I ignored it because it’s usually just my college seeking a donation. But this was from a favorite old pizza place, and I ended up ordering wedding soup and some ‘za.

This place was such a part of my childhood. It’s near where Mr. Rogers lived. Every New Year’s Eve, Gram would get corned beef and latkes from Rhoda’s and a pizza from this place.

It was so nice talking to the owner after all this time. And telling her how much her family was a part of MY family rituals for so long.

I’m glad they are still there. And when I heat up my goodies on Thursday, I will think of all my people who aren’t here but who would be happy that I will carry on what was such a simple but cherished tradition.

412, represent.

ALSO, I have another reason to love 412 … the date.

I gave my final fuck.

Seriously. I used to read someone for amusement. And even though they tried so desperately to hurt me, it just ended up being pathetic and sad and kind of funny.

But I woke up and said no more. And just like when I quit smoking (was it seven or eight years ago?), I can breathe again.

I will do what I always did — post my own thing and expect to be mocked.

But here’s the funny part. I would take hiatuses from their insanity, then go catch up.

And they would be BITCHING that I was clearly reading their shit. When, honest to dog, I was just posting whatever popped into my head.

Like the universe was telling me, “Don’t ask. Just write this.”

In any event, this time I really don’t care to hear what sad response is posted. I don’t want to see it, and if you don’t want to see what I am up to, I suggest you look away.

I always said, if the nasty biatch would just shut her fucking face, I would too. But she is incapable of shutting her fucking face.

Maybe I am too. Shit, I KNOW I am incapable. At least, when it comes to her.

So fuck her. Go fucking post shit like “must be nice to not have kids” where your kids can read it.

You wonder why shit happens to you that you clearly bring on yourself.

I’m sorry for my infinitesimal part in your woes. But Jesus, shut up already.

I’ll just be over here fixing my shit and getting out from under the bad vibes you’ve sent my way. And enjoying my free will to leave.

4/12. It’s a good number/day.

Might just end up being the fucking best.



Shoo

April 13th, 2021, 6:20 AM by Goddess

I’ve finally weaned myself off of reading shit posted with the sole purpose of getting a reaction out of me.

I’d say stop reading me, but do you. I don’t care.

I remember telling someone that if they wanted to leave, do it for them and not me. (No you stylish beauty, I am not talking about you. I mean, well NOW I am. 🙂 )

In any event, I’ve always believed you don’t need something to go to. You just need to value yourself enough to know what isn’t working for you.

I value myself more than any opinion you hold about me. I want people in my life who value themselves more than someone who tears them and everyone down.

The universe will fill the void soon enough. And it might be with things and pets and hobbies and luxuries, rather than other humans.

In any event, I truly love being void filler. So if you can’t quit me, it’s OK. Know that I accept my role as the actress starring in your bad dreams. Just an honor to be nominated.



‘Meaner than a junkyard dog’

April 12th, 2021, 8:43 PM by Goddess

My grandfather liked to play “Bad Bad Leroy Brown” on his guitar in his rock star days.

I still sing it from time to time. But as usual, I make up lyrics.

Today we were singing “the biggest cunt in the whole damn town.”

Haven’t come up with the made-up name yet. But, soon.

I’d say watch for it. But I would be so glad to unhook someone’s snoot from my business for the rest of my life. Any day now…

ETA. Omg. HiddyYus. Hello!

Bad bad Hiddy Yus. Meanest biatch in the whole damn town.



Puta McGhee

April 12th, 2021, 8:39 PM by Goddess

I just got two cute new credit cards. Almost thought about taking a pic and blurring out the numbers.

Then I thought about the one time I posted a five-second video of a book closing.

I might have only had it live on social media for five minutes. Yet some twat nozzle has twatted a few times that she downloaded, paused, and tried to read it.

This fuckin’ nut quotes me so much, I couldn’t be sure if the bullshit she takes out of context came from there or seven other places.

Might want to see a therapist about that.

In any event, no cute cards for youse.



Happy Find Your Rainbow Day!

April 3rd, 2021, 8:48 PM by Goddess

Momma made me dis.