Caterwauling

Probably contradictory to my last post. But it’s a separate scenario.

You don’t expect the Goddess to not have multiple things going on, do you now?

I just sent this to a friend. And not the one who needs to see it most.

We all deserve “wow.” Too many take “meh.” Maybe that’s OK for some people. But not for me.

You think the only option you have is the one in your hands, but it’s not. That’s just the only option you can see right now.

What would happen if those other options knew you were single? If they knew you were unhappy in that “thing” they saw you in? If there was finally an empty space next to you at the bar that they could slip into and chat you up?

You won’t know, until you say no to “good” in order to make room for “great.”

“If You’re Not Saying ‘I Love You’ After 6 Months, Move On”

So I guess one could say I’m in the midst of a breakup.

It’s weird. Everybody knows it’s ending. Or, at least, that it can’t continue in its current state.

And you know me. When I’m done, I’m done. Stick it in the vault, lower it into the ground, put a nice stone and a pithy epitaph on it, and move the fuck on.

But …

I’m really just sad about how it is happening. I’m powerless. I don’t pick up the phone. I don’t answer texts. My e-mail replies are sanitized. My intent/memory/accuracy is questioned by outside parties.

Not that anybody cares. But I lost a friend throughout all of this. Someone who was kind to me. Someone who came through for me. Someone who could have been a long-term connection in life as a friendly voice when I needed one.

That’s all gone. And even though it’s not my fault, I had to do things that brought us to this point.

You can only be loyal to yourself. Make the decisions you can live with. Pray you’ll get at least a pat on the head and not punishment for your allegiance.

Anyway. I’m losing a friend. It doesn’t have to be that way. But it probably will be.

It would be nice if anyone realized that I’m hurting too. Most of all, the one I’m losing.

I really hate dumb people.

There, I said it.

I will take a cauldron bubbling over with impossible, brilliant people than a happy fool any day.

There, I said that too.

I think a lot of people assume my stress is over the impossible. It’s not. It’s the “I see a thought in your head, and I fear it will never have company” that really makes me want to reach out and stab someone.

Not that I want to spend my life surrounded by competent assholes. I’m generally asshole-averse. Besides, I have a way of charming most of them because I am a Goddess, after all.

But in this universe where I’m trying to waste less time, helping to keep others’ lonely thoughts company is an exercise in futility.