Losing a friend

So I guess one could say I’m in the midst of a breakup.

It’s weird. Everybody knows it’s ending. Or, at least, that it can’t continue in its current state.

And you know me. When I’m done, I’m done. Stick it in the vault, lower it into the ground, put a nice stone and a pithy epitaph on it, and move the fuck on.

But …

I’m really just sad about how it is happening. I’m powerless. I don’t pick up the phone. I don’t answer texts. My e-mail replies are sanitized. My intent/memory/accuracy is questioned by outside parties.

Not that anybody cares. But I lost a friend throughout all of this. Someone who was kind to me. Someone who came through for me. Someone who could have been a long-term connection in life as a friendly voice when I needed one.

That’s all gone. And even though it’s not my fault, I had to do things that brought us to this point.

You can only be loyal to yourself. Make the decisions you can live with. Pray you’ll get at least a pat on the head and not punishment for your allegiance.

Anyway. I’m losing a friend. It doesn’t have to be that way. But it probably will be.

It would be nice if anyone realized that I’m hurting too. Most of all, the one I’m losing.

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