Caterwauling

So I rolled into work today armed with a list of 20 to-dos, as I am launching a Big Ass Motherfucker of a Project in four days and, oh, BTW, *bwahahaaaaaaa.*

And yet, I’m pretty much where I started not only today, but about four weeks ago. So, really, what’s the rush? 😉

What’s wrong with staring out the window and catching the five-minute bursts of sunshine that are book-ended by seemingly never ending cloud covers?

In any event, I find it interesting that I voted my fingers off for Taylor Hicks on last season’s “American Idol,” and his single is the only one I haven’t bought from the cast of season six who has one available. Go figure.

I was always rooting for Taylor, but really, it took Chris Daughtry (*swoon* *pant* *slobber*) getting the boot to make me swing my votes his way. I HATED Katharine McPhee, yet I am “so into” her “Over It” song. I don’t love it, mind you — her voice grates on me like nails on chalkboard, but if I were of the variety who made mixtapes, this would definitely make the playlist cut.

But who I love now? Elliot Yamin. His “Wait for You” would possibly be another mixtape-type contender.

I find that I hate this season of “Idol.” That Sanjaya kid — you can’t tell me that he is one of the eight most-talented singers in the country who auditioned for that show. Their ratings are a lot lower than they were at the beginning of the season, and is it any wonder? I missed the past three weeks of it and only tuned in at the end of the Wednesday episode to see better people than him get the ol’ foot up the ass.

Although losing Hayley last night? SO not a loss. Quite honestly, her skirts got shorter and the tops got tighter every week — if she stayed any longer, she’d have had to come in on a bikini next week and just be naked the next.

In any event, I’m rooting for Jordin Sparks to win this thing. I don’t care that half of Microsoft and Comcast’s tech support workers in India are voting for Sanjaya (while they should be helping their poor, screwed customers instead) — I think sanity will prevail at the end of this mess and someone with talent is actually going to triumph and salvage this goddamned season. Christ, all we need is another Jasmine Trias/Diana DeGarmo/Ghetto Fabulous Fantasia trifecta like we saw in season three — I don’t think the show can recover from another mess like that.

OK, and we wonder WHY my Big Ass Motherfucker of a Project isn’t coming along so well, eh?

I was typing with an old friend recently, as I’ve been on this “rekindling relationships I’ve all but abandoned” kick, and something I said holds more truth than a mere sentence can ever tell.

I told him that I’m very different from when he knew me just a few years ago — that I’ve become so much stronger, more decisive and so much less afraid. I think when we became friends, I was just so resigned to taking life as it came and not fighting the good fight. Inadvertently, I found myself just taking unnecessary crap because it was easier than protecting my own best interests.

I wasn’t always that way; it was a phase better left forgotten, yet one that kicked my ass enough to know that settling just isn’t for me.

It’s been a challenging week at Ye Olde Employment Establishment. Not in a bad way, but one in which I was able to emerge triumphant. My friend D. paid me the highest compliment, that of everyone, I’ve come the farthest in the shortest amount of time. Not just in title/workload, but also in a leadership capacity.

I don’t complain much (although I did a lot of it during that troublesome period of my life that I mentioned before), because I don’t have a lot that gets stuck in my craw anymore. That’s the joy of being busy — you learn really quickly how to prioritize and to disperse your energy as needed, so you can keep on going and make your energy last for as long as you need.

Being easygoing is a good thing, because when you really get passionate about something, you are apt to pick your battles more wisely. And this week, something important to me could have slipped away, or else it could have gone so very NOT the way I wanted it to. But I drank a big cup of, “This is how I want it to turn out,” and I went to the mat for it. And guess what? I WON! Woo hoo!

I was kind of worried about any potential fallout from it, because to say there will be some is probably an understatement. But as far as I’m concerned, the hardest part is over. And what my friend suggested is that I took a huge leap that resulted in me establishing a new level of leadership, one that will likely come with an elevated level of respect.

It was funny, because someone did comment that they were surprised by the amount of attitude that my normally meek-and-mild self exhibited. But it was because of my conviction that everyone said, “OK, let’s do this one your way.” And “attitude” really wasn’t the right word for it — it was more or less my declaration that I was going to do what I was going to do, and while obtaining others’ blessing was important, it wasn’t going to hold me back if it didn’t come, either.

I’ve written a lot in past blog incarnations about wanting so very much to be heard, that as a mere young’n, your ideas don’t always get taken seriously and even if you fight for them, you might just end up being branded for life as a pain in someone else’s butt. But maybe it’s that I’m getting older/more respected in my “old age,” or maybe that I’ve shown on myriad occasions that I care very much and that my decisions are clearly made in everyone’s best interests, but it was exhilarating to be supported throughout the journey.

And the lesson I learned is that people don’t purposely stand in your way. They may make it challenging for you to achieve your end goals sometimes, but if you really examine their motives, they are actually giving you the opportunity to stand up for what you believe in. If you retreat at the slightest sign of resistance, not only does it convey that you didn’t want/care about it enough, but also that you’re not ready to sit at the big kids’ table.

I think it’s a decidedly feminine trait, to not want to make waves. I did mention that if I were a guy, no one would have been surprised at my balls-out approach to the situation. 🙂 But throughout all of this, I had a very remarkable opportunity to exhibit brilliant decision-making as well as the ability to say, “This is what I need in order to be a better asset to you.” And who can argue with that kind of logic? 😉

The latest adventure has taken up a lot of time and energy, but I believe in front-loading — a solid investment made now is going to reap amazing dividends over time. Everyone is trusting me to deliver on this. And because they gave me what I wanted, I am more than happy to pay them back, with interest, for helping me to assert the power they wanted me to have in the first place.

And that’s all I’ve got to say on THAT subject! 😉 It’s a good thing — trust me!!!

I thought I was going to get lucky and not suffer during the spring allergy season. My sinuses always kick my ass in September, but unfortunately, the joy is starting earlier than planned. How exciting for me! I found some generic allergy meds in the cabinet and loaded up on them … big mistake, as I then jumped on a 90-minute conference call. *snooze* But it’s all good — I extended a verbal job offer today and I’m on top of the world in that respect.

I know I celebrate the small victories because, hey, progress is progress. But today, the big victories certainly merit a happy dance as well. *cabbage patches around the office, trips over the box of 35 pairs of shoes*

Dear Self,

Love,
O Goddessy One

Via my beloved Pratt, Bon Jovi action figures!

They’re arriving in stores in August. And guess who will be the first in line? 😉

Nothing, and I mean nothing (other than orgasm or peeing after drinking for six solid hours) feels better than putting on a brand-new bra and having it fit well and look damn good. A girl just can’t own enough black push-up bras, and that I got it on sale? Makes me love it even more. 😉

Tonight’s outing brings a mandatory two-drink minimum. Heh. Seriously. Hell, if anyone isn’t using their two, I’ll gladly have theirs as well, ’cause I’m feelin’ that good!

Everyone’s abuzz about the proposed Bloggers Code of Conduct today. That’s the thing, though — bloggers are fine. Bloggers are great. It’s the trolls who need to be shot.

My only problem with the code is that it’s up to the hosting site to control the handful of idiots who may read it, to shield the “good” readers from the assholitry. I get that. I do. I have turned off comments for that very reason. I don’t care what some lonely asshole has to say about me, but don’t turn the attacks to my readers and/or the people I care about. It’s boring.

But moreover than shielding the loyal, fabulous readers, why do I even have to see that shit? I pay good money for domains, bandwidth and other nifty tools that keep my words alive. I don’t give a rat’s ass about what some nut has to say, and it’s my right to ban people from my life, so why do I even have to acknowledge their existence online? Meaning, I don’t need a code of ethics. But certain readers? Need a freaking gag order. And an electroshock from their keyboards.

That said, I’m not posting the “Anything Goes” badge. Quite the contrary: my blog, my thoughts, my rules, my world. Not to sound like a complete douche, but I’m sharing myself here, heart and soul. I don’t need to be held accountable by anyone or anything. Because who’s to hold everyone else accountable for their actions? It’s like how we as a society would rather pass laws rather than take the remote out of kids’ hands and actually parent them. I’m living by my (high) standards and everything I do is accepted by the people who pay me, so screw everyone else.

Like Tiff says in her blog policies, “In case you’re wondering, though, I take a particularly dim view of personal attacks, threats, and epithets of a racial, sexual, religious, or ethnic nature. If you want to engage in that kind of behavior, get your own damn blog because you won’t be doing it here.”

So, come out from behind spoofed IPs and anonymous e-mail addresses and THEN type what you have to say. If you really want to contribute to the conversation, or initiate your own, then you need to be willing to hear the response. It’s like the kid who thinks he “wins” because he pees in the sandbox and forces all the other kids out. But all he really accomplished was being stuck in a wet, stinky sandbox, all by himself. Call us when you break out the Pampers Pull-ups and can sit nice at the table. Till then, bugger off. And have a nice day! 🙂

I think it should be perfectly legal and acceptable to call in “blonde” for a day off of work. Seriously. I have not yet managed to eke out a coherent sentence, and the possibility of it happening sometime within the remaining daylight hours is substantially low as well. Rather than offend anybody or simply to screw up the time-sensitive stuff that I am rushing through, I would love to just say, “Sorry, too stupid today to do any work. Better luck tomorrow!”

I just picked up yet another new project to juggle in with the existing ones, and damn, it’s blowing my little mind. Today’s one of those days in which a simple “routine” task would be very much appreciated. Oh, well, hopefully Cup No. 12 of coffee will be the one that does the trick! 😉

I used to feel hungover the day after holidays because we’d had a big family dinner and there would be leftovers coming out the wazoo. Now, there’s really no reason to go all out, because the people in the family (i.e., grandparents) who appreciated the efforts are gone now.

I drove up to see Mom this weekend. It was low-key and perfect in that regard. Sad, of course, without my grandfather. It’s like we’re always looking to see if he’s still around — that if maybe we do the same things and go to the same places, we’ll somehow see him.

This was a weekend for reconnecting with a lot of people, for me. Not to abuse the Easter theme, but I found that I put a whole lot of eggs into not a whole lot of baskets in regard to relationships and friendships of late. And that’s fine, for the most part — I invest in those who are worthy of it. But quite a few have fallen off the radar for myriad reasons (my own neglect being one of them), and it’s wonderful to type up an e-mail or a text message and get an instant response.

Good things come to those who wait, I guess. But more importantly, good things WILL wait until you’re ready to come to them and give them the effort you previously couldn’t.

That’s an important lesson for me right now, as I’m wondering whether some things are worth fighting for, and/or if they even existed in the first place. But I’m worth waiting/fighting for, too — and I’ve got all the proof in the world that I need of that. Like I tell all the boys, get me now while I’m still young and cute! 😉