I’m so pleased to report that I bear resemblance to a “South Park” character, “Mr. Mackey.” Seems that not only is the right side of my head swollen with my famous eye-twitching and -watering self, but the left side is swollen due to a tooth infection. Awesome.
I called 1-800-Dentist so they could, say, find me a dentist who could handle an emergency (given that I was up all night with the ache and after I mixed Nyquil, Vicodin, Tylenol PM and ibuprofen I finally got to sleep, only for the asshole upstairs to start pounding at some ungodly hour. Gah), only to get nowhere. They e-mailed a customer satisfaction survey. I deleted it.
I got the name of nobody who can help me (on a Sunday of course), so I said fine, I’ll live another night — give me someone who can see me Monday. They just need to take my insurance and be on the same street I work on. (It’s not hard — the street spans six communities and has a bajillion medical practices on it.) Well, they found me someone clear on the other side of town who doesn’t open till noon.
Um, the hell?
So I said fine, get me someone near my house. Which, they did, I’ll give them that. They don’t open till 9 a.m., but whatever — it’s a start.
Now, this doesn’t mean I have an appointment or anything — I’m just told to expect a courtesy call from them and if I don’t get it to call them myself.
Um, what part of emergency have we addressed here?
So I went into my insurance provider’s Web site, and ran the dental office’s information. No luck, no coverage. You know, I’d said that if I could get quick service, I’d deal with the out-of-network shit. But I would have done better to hold a staple gun to my temple open up the farging Yellow Pages and take my chances … AND get someone on the street I requested.
I’d had great intentions on doing some work today, but with the amount of prescription drugs I have in my freezer that are now in my body, I’m afraid of what my articles would sound like. 
Lord knows it would make the dialogue to the aforementioned cartoon sound clean by comparison!
