I’m so pleased to report that I bear resemblance to a “South Park” character, “Mr. Mackey.” Seems that not only is the right side of my head swollen with my famous eye-twitching and -watering self, but the left side is swollen due to a tooth infection. Awesome.

I called 1-800-Dentist so they could, say, find me a dentist who could handle an emergency (given that I was up all night with the ache and after I mixed Nyquil, Vicodin, Tylenol PM and ibuprofen I finally got to sleep, only for the asshole upstairs to start pounding at some ungodly hour. Gah), only to get nowhere. They e-mailed a customer satisfaction survey. I deleted it.

I got the name of nobody who can help me (on a Sunday of course), so I said fine, I’ll live another night — give me someone who can see me Monday. They just need to take my insurance and be on the same street I work on. (It’s not hard — the street spans six communities and has a bajillion medical practices on it.) Well, they found me someone clear on the other side of town who doesn’t open till noon.

Um, the hell?

So I said fine, get me someone near my house. Which, they did, I’ll give them that. They don’t open till 9 a.m., but whatever — it’s a start.

Now, this doesn’t mean I have an appointment or anything — I’m just told to expect a courtesy call from them and if I don’t get it to call them myself.

Um, what part of emergency have we addressed here?

So I went into my insurance provider’s Web site, and ran the dental office’s information. No luck, no coverage. You know, I’d said that if I could get quick service, I’d deal with the out-of-network shit. But I would have done better to hold a staple gun to my temple open up the farging Yellow Pages and take my chances … AND get someone on the street I requested.

I’d had great intentions on doing some work today, but with the amount of prescription drugs I have in my freezer that are now in my body, I’m afraid of what my articles would sound like. 😉 Lord knows it would make the dialogue to the aforementioned cartoon sound clean by comparison!

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