Caterwauling

Well, I was a drooling fangirl as the legendary Chris Baty signed my copy of his fantastic book, “No Plot? No Problem!”

Maddie was highly upset that I had to remove the book from her paws to take it to Barnes & Noble at Metro Center to get the autograph.

He complimented what I was wearing (!) and asked questions and applauded me for being a freelancer. Basically, he also gave me that extra “don’t give up” momentum that Pratt started by giving me the book last week.

Anyway, if I haven’t said it in awhile, life is good, and I love living it in D.C. I just need to find a way to stay here that doesn’t involve a cardboard box or a street corner, because it has come to that. But Chris had lots of good things to say about staying focused on the novel, because even if it’s crap, who cares, because we are still NOVELISTS!!!

My book is marked up with my thoughts as well as where I’ve highlighted, underlined, circled or otherwise kissed passages that made me happy. I wrote down something he said tonight: “All words are good words, and everything can be fixed in the rewrite.”

I applied that as a metaphor for my life. My words got me into jams (the biggest one being a few months ago). But they were said (typed) in earnest. And while the current version of my life, well, sucks right now, I will fix it in the near future. I just need to think of it in terms of rewriting my ending instead of accepting the current epilogue.

I feel so weak anymore — it even shows in my voice. But during the ride home, I realized that I’ve got a lot of fight left in me, and I need every ounce of strength to struggle to survive. That’s the name of the game these days. But am I a stranger to struggling? Hardly. The odds are just higher now, more so than ever. I have so much more to lose than I ever did (including eight pounds acquired since I quit smoking two months ago!). I need a miracle to happen. Really. And I need the strength to set that miracle in motion.

And tonight, I might have found it.

On iTunes: Jewel, “Down So Long”

Subtitle: Have a free-for-all in the comments!

John writes in:

I’d like to know what you and other bloggers (especially from gen- x-ers) think of the “American Dream.” Is it still defined as: “Loving couple, a house, a car, 2.5 kids, a dog or cat and a white picket fence.” In essence does the “American Dream” still exist in today’s society or is it redefined?

I’ll start. I want enough money to have household expenses paid for a year at a time. I want to one-half of a loving, functional couple. A nice car and not having to pray that it keeps running. Kids optional. Cat mandatory. I want to write the Great American Novel and be able to work at home and live for the moment. Barbara J. Winter says that the goal is to have all of your days pre-paid — that means, when an emergency arises or a fabulous vacation opportunity comes up, you can handle it.

This is assuming, of course, that I have any faith left in the dream. Right now it’s pretty much a nightmare of “all I want to do is keep my apartment and car and that’s not looking likely.” But I don’t want to spit on my dreams just yet. They are all I have.

That’s not so much to ask, is it?

What’s your American Dream?

On iTunes: Sheryl Crowe, “I Shall Believe”