Caterwauling

Got a freelance story (that I didn’t commission) from someone who used to work at my very magazine. I see that years in journalism did nothing for her copy-editing and accuracy abilities — I am on paragraph three and have been on the Internet four times to verify facts and names. Painful, yes. Typical of a columnist, not a journalist, though. My head aches.

But how am I supposed to read past this paragraph? (Note: everything changed to protect the criminally insane.)

When asked if there is a connection between (happiness) and (taking a shit), (Lardass) leaves no room for doubt. “Absolutely,” he says, empathically.

I count five things wrong. In one fucking sentence.

In her e-mail containing the story, she remarked on something that drove her “bazurk.” No, I do not make this shit up!

And people wonder why I’m on the verge of going postal.

On iTunes: Pulp, “Like a Friend”

Inspired by Lachlan and Erica, who have sexy songlists of their own to share, I present the official “in the mood” songs of the Caterwauling hacienda. What makes your drawers get all sticky and sweet?

Although some songs are stolen from these sexy ladies, the tunes that invoke my passion are:

Shije, “Ooh Baby La La La”

Lili Haydn, “Come Here”

Melissa Ferrick, “Drive”

Beth Orton, “Stars All Seem to Weep”

Lucinda Williams, “Essence”

Leonard Cohen, “In My Secret Life”

Lisa Hall, “Is This Real?”

Sinead Lohan, “Don’t I Know”

P.J. Harvey, “The Wind”

Jessica Riddle, “I Want You”

Dido, “Who Makes You Feel”

BT, “Force of Gravity”

Tracy Chapman, “Baby Can I Hold You”

Bonnie Raitt, “You”

Sheilla Nichols, “Elevator”

Melissa Etheridge, “You Can Sleep While I Drive”

Paula Cole, “Feelin’ Love”

Bruce Springsteen, “Thunder Road”

U2, “All I Want Is You”

Sarah McLachlan, “Elsewhere”

Tool, “Schism”

War, “Low Rider”

Whitesnake, “Slow An’ Easy”

Bulletboys, “Smooth Up In Ya”

Jane Siberry, “Love is Everything”

John Mellencamp, “Ain’t Even Done With the Night”

k.d. lang, “Constant Craving”

Kylie Minogue, “Slow (Chemical Brothers remix)”

Madonna, “What It Feels Like For A Girl (Above & Beyond 12″ Club Mix)”

Nina Gordon, “Tonight and the Rest of My Life”

Ivan Neville, “Why Can’t I Fall In Love”

Sophie B. Hawkins, “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” (I have a great live version with Melissa Etheridge. Yowza!”

Honorable mentions:

Jane Siberry, “Life Is the Red Wagon,” although it reminds me more of my friendship with Shan than anything salacious. 🙂

Shannon, “Give Me Tonight,” just because I hooked up with someone at a club and that song was on. Still gives me chills.

I can share the lovin’ upon request. 😉

On iTunes: Tara Maclean, “You”

I went to the park and played on the swingset today. Totally clears my head every time I do it, not to mention it’s fun to swing so high I clear the top of the swingset.

Anyway, there was a little kid on the next swing, and her mother was pushing her and playfully spanking her butt every time she came back. I was kind of jealous — it’s been awhile since I’ve had a good spanking! 😉

Three posts in a day from me — what is the world coming to? I think blogging should be a career; then again, I’m sure I’d find some way to rebel because that seems to be my lot in life. 🙂

On iTunes: Sinead Lohan, “Don’t I Know”

On iTunes: Peter Gabriel (Featuring Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan), “Passion”

They say when you aren’t looking for something, somehow it finds its way to you.

That said, I actually met someone last night. Amazing.

I took Shan out to dinner (one of our last outings *sob*) and a movie last night. And I met a nice guy. Shocking!

Ball’s in my court — I have taken to not giving out my number because that way I’m not hurt if they don’t call. 😉 But then, it’s not like I ever get around to looking people up, either. So whatever. But damn, it felt good — here I was thinking I had grown a huge goiter and a third eyeball, but I suppose they retracted for the evening. 😉

I was kind of waiting for one or two someone elses to get off their duffs, but I don’t wait around. Much. Maybe if I have a little distraction, other things would perk themselves up while, of course, I wasn’t looking.

On iTunes: Lisa Hall, “Is This Real?”

Ever watched the Demi Moore/Rob Lowe Brat-Pack-esque movie “About Last Night”? There’s a scene in which a young Megan Mulally (of “Will and Grace” fame) is a hot-to-trot horny gal who tosses her hair when she is hitting on guys. Demi and a friend sit in the bar watching her, holding up cocktail napkins with scores and yelling, “Bravo! 9.0!” like a pair of judges at an Olympic event, commending her use of the hair flip to move in on unsuspecting men.

Mom and I have used the “9.0!” rating system for years. And, I must admit, I am the living embodiment of Megan’s character — I unconsciously flip my hair when I’m talking to cute boys.

I was at the National Mall recently and was chatting with Mom on my headset. Some chick walked up to me and handed me a flyer. I walked away and read it — an advertisement to come to a Republican convention. I shrieked and said to Mom, “But I’m a Democrat!” A very hot young guy nearby, who was also distributing the offensive flyers, quipped, “We won’t hold that against you!”

So what did I do? Flipped my fucking hair and grinned at him. And lost the too-loose ring I was wearing somewhere within the ol’ rat’s nest.

Mom was laughing at me because all she knew was that I lost my ring. She said, “9.0! You flipped your hair, didn’t you?”

If there was ever any doubt that she had some kind of psychic connection to me, this proves it. 🙂

And the hair flip is just a nervous habit. I would never try to attract a Republican! LOL.

On iTunes: Lucinda Williams, “Essence”

Faithful readers, this blogkeeper doesn’t want anybody to cry alone, so I ask you to go send some love to Amy — her grandma passed away. Amy was able to see her recently, and it sounds like she put up quite a fight to make it this long. And though she’ll never have quite a tribute like the one we just saw for President Reagan, it’s obvious through Amy’s stories that she was loved just as much and made quite the impact on those who were lucky to have known her.

*many hugs to Amy*

On iTunes: Then There Were None, “Guardian Angel”

This one’s for Lachlan. For the collection. 😉 Remember to have a spare pair of scandalous underwear handy!

The song I mentioned.

On iTunes: Shije, “Ooh Baby La La La”

Forgot to blog about it, but I saw “The Notebook” last weekend. View the trailer here.

In addition to crying my ass off throughout most of the movie, I laughed a lot, too. It turned out to be quite the poignant story about whom you choose to love and the places you can go if you let that love lead the way. I was mostly depressed because I don’t know if I have ever felt that way about anybody; or, rather, I never had a chance to see how far that kind of passion could go. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but an inscription — “Read this to me and I’ll come back to you” — still reduces me to a pile of silly putty. *sob*

What I can say about the movie is that some ghetto people decided to either stand right outside the theater doors or just inside them. They talked as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. I was near the door and almost killed them because I missed a few minutes of dialogue. They went away for awhile, and then they returned a half hour later. Unthinkingly, I screamed out, “DIE!!!!” in the crowded theater. I expected to have popcorn and M&Ms thrown into my hair for that, but the audience seemed to murmur in agreement. Someone closer to the exit went and bitched them out, and they left.

But, alas, I missed even more of the show when some fucking kid a few rows behind me kept asking its parent questions: “I don’t understand! Why did he do that? Why did she say that? What does that mean?” Blah blah blah. Loud as fucking drums in a mausoleum. Now, I could curse out people in general who take their kids to movies, but then I have to remember the father and daughter who sat in front of me — she didn’t utter a peep. I think she was as transfixed by the Southern scenery and complicated storyline as I was.

Anyway, I think I need to go see that movie again — preferably when nobody else will be in the theater. Most definitely recommended!

On iTunes: Sinead Lohan, “Hot on Your Trail”

updated

After the layoffs and then our collective heads rolling over an image disappearing from a house ad during the PDF-making process and a meeting being scheduled to TALK about it (god help me), I had to go home for a lil “me” time *wink wink, nudge nudge.*

If not for masturbation, I would have acquired a gun and shot up everyone in Alexandria by now!

Update

Bill found me a new toy!

On iTunes: Jane Siberry, “Love is Everything”