I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Defecation superhighway

Mommy says that the Internet used to be called the "information superhighway." But now, we have a new term in our house -- the "defecation superhighway."

Why? Because I slapped down the shit streak to end all shit streaks today. I mean, it was a whole YARD long. AND it was 2 inches wide! Wow!

Aaaannnnddd, I did it while Mommy was taking a shower, so the stank coupled with the hot shower steam is just delectable. We've got all the windows open now thanks to my foul butt and Kadi and I even get to play outside on the balcony. Looks like my Hershey highway led us straight outdoors (to where it's 75 degrees and sunny. Whee!).

Mommy's going to look at some new apartments today. We have an option to move to a different apartment in our current complex, but she's afraid that the management will see how much I've destroyed the carpets and not let us stay.

She threw out a bunch of shit yesterday (literally, and that involved tossing much of it over the balcony). That involved two litterboxes and the pretty blue/green/yellow/black rug that sat beneath Pooh Corner. And holy shit, the carpet under Pooh Corner is so CLEAN in comparison to the rest of the place. Looks like I've really left my mark on the world. And isn't that all a cat really wants to do in life? Well, other than sleep and eat. And poop.

The world is my litterbox, the floor is my toilet paper and all roads on the defecation superhighway lead straight back to me.

2 Comments:

At 11:56 AM, Blogger Kukka-Maria said...

Maddie-kins, can I make a suggestion? I would never suggest you stop leaving shit streaks. I think, though, that if you focus on leaving your mark on your mom's clothes instead of the carpet, it will make her feel more "loved."

I mean, it doesn't get any more precious than showing the ones you love how much you care by rubbing your ass against them (and leaving proof of your love).

 
At 3:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm Pheobe, and I'll be ten yrs old this summer. My mum and dad love me to bits. I have never shat anywhere other than my litter box - I eat a healthy diet and I don't have behavior problems so that would never cross my mind. Too bad your mummy doesn't love you enough to figure out what's up with your stinky butts!

 

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