Caterwauling

I read some variant of that phrase today.

A guy stole a plane in 2018. He flew over Mt. Rainier, marveling at its majesty. He took in some other mountains. Eventually, he crashed the plane in a non-populated area, apologizing to everyone who loved him.

“He didn’t survive, but he lived,” read one of the comments.

I thought about Mom when I read that.

We lived a small life. But she always said I gave her more of a life than any man did or could.

I thought about my grandfather, always so happy with so little. I spoiled Mom as best as I could. Though I could have done better. Did as much as she’d let me.

Like my grandfather, she was so grateful for so little. A good meal, a waterfront house, a couple weekend trips a year.

I barely looked at her because I worked so much. But she spent long days making crafts with Kadie and collecting beautiful things and memes.

And she was happy.

She didn’t survive her awful illness.

But oh how she lived. And loved.

Two Easters ago was our Last Supper.

I ordered Ruth’s Chris. The one in West Palm, though Boca was superior. But, Boca closed.

Mom was already barely eating, but showed interested in a ribeye sandwich.

Two of those, no onions, coming right up.

Well, it was one of those “oh did the customer want EXTRA onions” experiences.

Got that shit home. The bag reeked of onions. Even though I tossed the onions in a baggie and ran them straight out to the trash chute, the house reeked of onions.

I called and disemboweled the manager verbally.

He said come back and we’ll make it right.

“It’s my mother’s last Easter,” I had spat out. “We don’t get do-overs anymore.”

I know I’ve written here that the last food she had was a tiny bit of my birthday cake. (That I’d ordered early. and that she promptly threw up.)

But this was the last real meal we attempted.

She couldn’t cook anymore. She couldn’t even stand. The cancer had ravaged her organs and her bones.

Anyway I got to Ruth’s Chris for a wine tasting the other night. First time there in two years.

My rage was still palpable.

But it was also my Easter dinner, as it were, though a few days early.

And there was an amazing wine pairing happening with every course. So, had to do it.

Glad I did it.

The food was amazing, the wine was amazing.

Oh, and I won a $40 bottle of wine.

(Don’t ask me how I won it. I just WON IT, OK?)

Joe and Kathy next to me were very happy about that. Joe won a bottle too. Judy at our table was not amused.

But this was a core memory unlocked that none of them knew about.

Not that the place owed me, necessarily.

But … the place certainly gained favor with me after two years of not going near it.

My friend who incited that Democrat on Democrat violence has continued to like all my posts and make nice comments.

I blocked her.

For fucking real, if I had the audacity to say oh do you not like fat people (which I am) … because they posted a meme that is ANTI PEDOPHILE and ANTI GENOCIDE … I would hope they’d block me, too.

I’d say I don’t know why I’m still annoyed.

But I know why.

Just because you close a door, doesn’t mean you don’t look at it sometimes.

At least we’ll always have our annoyance with Don’t Treadmill on Me and one of their specific minions in common.

An old friend got mad at some meme I posted about being sick of waking up in a world where old white men are killing women and girls.

The word Zionist was used. A word I have never used in my life. But one I thought was correct in its context. And yes I did that gut check before I posted it.

So my friend, who’s known me over a decade, decided I’m an anti-Semite.

I got to talking to another friend. Not about that, but about how I have always voted others’ interests above mine.

How I put up with low-EQ people in the world and workplaces and everywhere and try to see life from THEIR viewpoints.

When they haven’t (yet, I hope) learned how to do the same for me and anyone else.

How I excuse THEM for being good at, say, running a business and not necessarily talking to the people in it.

And then to have someone — first of all, call me that shit over A MEME — incite what i can only call Democrat-on-Democrat violence …

And dude, I SEE why people vote for the pedophile party.

I mean, I have heard the pedo and even adult-woman grape rumors for years and not just about tRump.

But, yeah, if we are all gonna hold each other accountable BUT NOT THE GODDAMN RACIST PEDO RAPISTS in charge, come the actual fuck on.

I didn’t feel held accountable. I felt inconvenienced.

Yes I believe Israel has the right to a homeland. But I also believe it has no goddamned right to exterminate Palestinians to have it.

So if that makes me hate that particular Zionist and his henchmen, do I REALLY need to explain that to someone who — I thought — believes the same?

Wanted to say honey I checked my biases 20 years ago. I went through a lot of self-reflection and soul-searching. I am wildly aware that even though I’ve gone through some shit because of privileged white men, I’ve benefited from the system in a way my brothers and sisters have not. And it’s up to me to speak for them.

What I did say was a very I am angry at any goddamned white man who doesn’t know how to fucking act and SO SORRY IF THAT OFFENDED YOU.

I haven’t been back on the socials since.

Her reply was oh I didn’t think you were antisemitic, just had to check.

Which only made me more annoyed.

I mean, I treat the Z word like the N word. Don’t let it leave your lips.

Now I’m over here wondering who else has some big feelings about me posting it as one of the dozen memes I usually post in a day.

No I’m not really thinking that. I’m over here streaming the “Elizabeth Taylor” music video since the pedophiles in charge have cut AIDS funding but proceeds from Taylor Swift’s new video go to Elizabeth Taylor’s AIDS foundation.

If anyone wants to challenge someone like me about not being sensitive about others who need help more than I ever will, they can kiss my pudgy pork roast butt.

I’d “cry my eyes violet” but I’ll save my tears for the useless 11 am meeting with DTOM. Who I can assure you does not think about how any of their comments land on anyone.