Caterwauling

First fireworks of the night

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

This blog entry exists solely for me to work out some mental aggression. This message will self-destruct in 30 seconds.

Today has clearly been “your gas pedal must be up your ass, next to your head” day on the highway.

And my foot is about to make it a rollicking threesome for the fuckhead on the moped on the A1A who refused to A) drive above 20 mph and B) kept swerving in and out of the lane but never actually got off the road long enough for any of us to pass him.

So I went onto the big, grown-up highway where there’s more than one lane, but it’s “blue-haired, white-knuckled phantom” day (as is every day that ends in “y”). OMG, it took me a goddamned hour to get to an appointment that should’ve taken 20 minutes, tops.

And don’t get me started on the idiots who do not see that all streets are one-way. Not only are people going up the wrong fucking way, but they do it on the wrong SIDE, too. This ain’t Europe, you morons. Get a clue.

*scream*

All right, I feel MUCH better now. Carry on!

It’s OK to wish you were me

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

My brain is jelly. My arms ache. My head is pounding. My ankle wobbles. My knee is screaming. My wrist is sore. My back is crying.

Welcome to the world of being over 35!

Did hard, physical labor yesterday. Which reminds me why I chose an intellectual field. Although the psychological aspect of surviving any workplace can have pretty much the same effect as the maladies listed above.

Anyway, just snapped this photo on my phone and, even though I don’t have time to sit around and watch the sun set, let’s pretend for a moment that I could actually get my ass all the way down to that little beach chair that’s three inches above the ground. Hah!

I realize that this blog is dead and should have gone away a long time ago. But now, it’s almost become something sentimental. Sure, I have one reader (*waves at Vitamin D*), but even I don’t read it anymore for errors!

Anywho, I got to thinking yesterday as I was having breakfast with a wonderful contact from Nu Yawk, what the hell am I doing? Moreover, what am I NOT?

I feel like I work in an industry where anybody can be a famous expert. And I AM an expert … just not a famous one.

It used to be that age and experience were what qualified you to become a household name. But now, people who were born in the ’80s are considered to be more-wise than ME. And hey, more power to them.

But when it boils right down to it, my knowledge and experience is no less valuable. Plus, I have the benefit of having learned from many masters.

The bulk of people seem to have popped right out of the womb college and, boom, here’s your shot — don’t blow it. *sigh* And it’s a toss-up whether they want to learn from someone more-seasoned or whether they already know everything at 22.

I mean, shit, *I* knew everything at 22. And look how well THAT turned out. Pfft.

So, with the benefit of dozens of years and thousands of miles behind me, what the hell is stopping me from greatness in my own right?

Hmm. Not bloody much, eh?

“She went away, she cut me like a knife
Hello beautiful thing, maybe you could save my life
In just a glance, down here on magic street
Loves a fool’s dance
And I ain’t got much sense, but I still got my feet.”

Bruce Springsteen, “Girls in Their Summer Clothes”

Royal Palm Way

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Had a ridiculously busy day yesterday. Stood in line for HOURS to get my passport. Played Skee-Ball on my iPhone till my eyes bled. A 4-year-old boy in front of me SCREAMED during 95% of the waiting time. I told a friend that I hope he gets deported before his trip — miserable little bastard!

Today’s another busy day and I actually have some work to do. Yeah, work on the weekend after my first official week with the new company. Welcome to my world!

I’d almost forgotten how tough it is to be the new kid. Mostly because it takes four hours to do even the smallest task because you don’t know who to call, where to find it, what the password or the secret handshake is, or what resources are in plain sight that your eyes can’t yet see.

I’m being more assertive with my time, though. No more of this “I’ll stay awake till all hours just because I have to.” Screw that crap. I’m old and I need my beauty sleep!

I wouldn’t say that this is a reinvention of the Goddess, but it is an opportunity to kind of do a “greatest hits” album. With a few new bonus tracks. I figure, I’ll sign a deal for a couple of albums, and do my best, and then move on to what I really want to do … whatever that is.

Another different attitude I carry this time is that this isn’t a stopping point. I always throw myself into a job at the expense of not only having a life, but having a career BEYOND where I’ve landed.

And I think that has worn on me in previous lives … that feeling of being “totally committed” ends up as “OMG I’m trapped.” But I’m already planning out the possibilities — nay, the probabilities — and that helps me to keep the present in immense perspective.

If I stay where I am for a long time to come, great. But I’m not there at gunpoint — that’s the point I’m making. I didn’t sell my soul; nor do I plan to.

That’s the gift of both hindsight and experience — sure, I’ll work my ass off to learn and to contribute. But at the end of the day, at the first sign of glass shards in my stomach or the first inclination to avert the gaze of the woman in the mirror, I’m done.

I swear, if I don’t end up as a career coach one of these days, I will have missed my calling. And the neat thing is, I see a million opportunities to change people’s lives — not just in my field (although that’s wonderful, too), but right in my own department.

And I think the stars have aligned such that, if ever there were a perfect time to make history in every respect, this is it.

OK, so I posted this little meme on Facebook, so apologies to those who know the Goddess’ secret identity and read the first version of this already.

While I do have plenty of original thoughts tonight, I’m going to go with re-sharing this thing here.

Some edits were made, naturally. And some points are better-explained, too.

10 Lessons From a Crazy Year

1. Your friends can and will help you if you let them.

I spent the last year in virtual silence, not wanting to let people know what was really going on. Calls went unreturned … e-mails went unanswered … I just didn’t have the energy for backstories and wondering just who I could trust.

But once I started confiding in my beloveds, not only did my friends continually keep my spirits up, but they threw me multiple lifelines.

Sure, it was what I did once I was back in the land of the living that made all the difference, but I wouldn’t have GOTTEN there without some amazing people who did more to restore me than the world did to eat away at me.

2. More of an addition to No. 1 than a separate lesson: Nothing in your life is acquired solely on your own.

Good people are willing to help you along your journey. The best people don’t accept a payback but do request a “pay it forward.”

We may not achieve world peace, but we’ll make a damn good start.

3. I don’t have to live in a city to be happy.

I’d rather live by the beach and visit a city when I need a cultural fix. Staring at water every day is more cathartic than finding a restaurant that’s open after 8 p.m.

I don’t think SoFla is my ultimate home. That’s partially why I took a job in another town, one to which I can gravitate. It’s not a big, bustling city but it doesn’t have a beach, either. So, I’m taking my time.

But that’s OK — I’m the one calling the shots now. As it should have always been, and as it always WILL be, going forward.

4. Wearing flip-flops and jeans to work is not just a privilege; it should be a right.

I save a half-hour in the mornings where I’m not going through three pairs of pantyhose to find one with the least-conspicuous runs. High heels should only be worn during nights on the town!

5. People will treat you unfairly in life.

It happens. They will not change. Only your level of tolerance can shift.

And before you know it, you’re letting people use your hair to wipe their ass.

Don’t make fun of cultists if you feel too beaten-down to leave a job or relationship that isn’t making you healthier.

6. It’s OK to devote yourself to your career, but…

It’s wonderful to carve your niche into this world. I’ve created a specialized skill set that I am very fortunate to be able to showcase.

But damn it, I’ve busted my butt for a long time — exactly when do you put on the brakes and let yourself enjoy life?

Is it really possible to have it all? Because, while I’m so very happy right now, I want the things I’ve missed out on, too.

This is clearly a lesson I’m still working on. Suggestions welcome!

7. Know your priorities, and accept the consequences/reap the rewards.

I got this from a Patrick Lencioni book: It’s OK to allow yourself to watch TV for an hour or two every night … just as long as you acknowledge that this is a priority for you and that it is taking the place of something else that could be enriching your life.

I love my TV time but what if I were out exercising or calling a friend or meeting the person I’m going to marry?

8. There are some very sick individuals out there. Run like hell when you encounter them!

Got this from an old Poe song: “You can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being.” Or as Ron White says, “You can’t fix stupid.” And in my experience, you can die trying.

Some people are just bound to self-destruct. Especially as a woman, I try to “save” people. And can I lose myself in the process.

Moral to the story: You’re not the one who’s nuts/inadequate/insufferable, no matter how hard someone works to convince you otherwise. It’s called projection. Or mirroring. Or schizophrenia. Run away while they are fighting with their various selves.

An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship, even if no one lays an actual finger on you. Show them YOUR finger of choice on your way out the door.

9. Sometimes, life just sucks. Deal with it.

Got this from my wonderful friend who originated the idea of this “10 lessons” post: “Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things just happen.”

Shit happens. But so do good things. Which would you rather focus on, and attract more of?

10. It’s OK to lose your shit sometimes. It’s kinda empowering.

Scream, punch, cry, beat up a pillow, sleep with inappropriate people, have a bottle of wine for dinner, tell that crush just why they are stupid not to be in love with you, tell people exactly why they’ve driven you to distraction. You can’t be perfect every minute of every day.

Get (insert emotion) out of your system or it will start affecting your insides. There’s a reason you get (a paltry) three days’ bereavement leave when someone close to you dies — you HAVE to deal with it and not let it eat away at you over time.

We should be able to take funeral leave when we lose a pet, a relationship, or get into a fight with a friend because it’s too easy to shelve the situation and immerse ourselves in work.

Once you fully deal with whatever it is, leave it there and do whatever it takes to never, ever feel that way again.