Caterwauling

A few entries ago, I introduced you to the Popcorn Bandit at the Veggie Patch, who stole a tin of popcorn from the executive staff. This, my friends, became an international act of espionage, so much so that the original giver of the popcorn tin was last spotted bringing in a replacement. Jesus Christ.

Popcorn Bandit had taken a vacation day today, but because we had a potluck lunch, she drove into the office (all the way from Maryland) so she could pig out on the offerings. Ugh. I hate seeing her at potlucks — she clearly has an aversion to using, oh, UTENSILS to take the food out of the dishes. Ugh. She’s always the first person at the lunches, and she is always seen talking with her mouth full. So. Very. Gross.

She had brought in cookies as her contribution (Shan, RC, Angie and I bought pizzas — we refuse to eat any homemade crap). Well, just before the lunch ended, she covered up her cookies and took them. Our buddy Scott who was sitting with us saw this and called her out for stealing more food. She said that she baked those cookies, so he asked if we missed our opportunity to have them. She said yes but gave him one cookie and took the rest and ran out the door. Moron.

I actually won a door prize at the potluck, which was funny because I wasn’t going to go (seeing as though my appendix burst the day after the last potluck — bad, bad memories). I got a pack of those chocolate oranges that you smash on something and they break apart. Loudly, I declared, “Hey, I need a blunt object to smash these on. Oh, wait, there’s Town Crier!” Only thing was, I used her real name. 🙂

Town Crier also got a door prize. What they do is line all the winners up and have us draw numbers for whatever prize we’ll get. Shan said that, when Town Crier was called up, she said the look of pure disgust on my face was visible from her seat about 50 feet away. Heh. I don’t even try to hide it. I would’ve been more than happy to administer a door prize to Town Crier — like my foot up her ass.

I needed some humor today, although even this isn’t enough to make my workplace bearable. 😉 Enjoy!

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?

About as much as I enjoy working for a living, especially for this bunch of assholes — NO!

2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?

I’ve spent every holiday with my family (which is down to Mom and my grandfather). I’d prefer for it to be in a tropical locale or, at the very least, I’d love it if they could do the drive to see me instead of me lugging the screaming pussies up north.

3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?

There is someone who is no longer in my life who crosses my mind every Christmas Eve, so sometime around midnight, I sit in front of my tree and feel sad and yet happy to have known that person at all.

When my grandmother was still with us (and I was still in Pittsburgh), we always went to Rhoda’s (now Kazansky’s) Deli in Squirrel Hill, where we got all the fixin’s for corned beef sandwiches, and we always picked up a pizza at Mineo’s across the street. That was a New Year’s Eve tradition, actually. And when my great-grandmother was still around, we always put shiny new quarters outside for the turn of another new year. Not sure what that was all about — I believe it was a good luck thing. I’m still waiting for that good luck to kick in. 🙂

I normally put up a tree, but with Kadi the hellcat on the loose (gaah, you should see my wrists today — I look like I am a cutter — and I forgot about it till I put on perfume — HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT BURN!!!!), that’s a no-go. When I have my tree up, I sleep in the living room so I can see the lights when I wake up my usual million times a night.

That, of course, and drinking myself into oblivion, as often as possible. 😉

4. Do you do anything to help the needy?

If, by needy, you are referring to me, then yes. I don’t plan to give gifts this year, in honor of paying my bills. I used to do a lot of volunteer work with charities, so I don’t feel too bad about focusing on me for a change.

5. What one gift would you like for yourself?

An iBook with an Airport card. A girl can dream, can’t she?