Caterwauling

I found out late today that J-Ho is meeting with Kumquat regarding the annual report she’s doing (that I could do better) as well as my humble publication. This does not thrill me. She was my predecessor, for those just tuning in. One of my fears was that they’d call her in to take over IKEA Boy’s job and leave me in my peon position. While I truly can’t envision why she’d WANT to return to the Veggie Patch, well, I could always be hopeful and think that maybe they’d like to see us collaborate on PR and publication stuff. But then again, I always was a dreamer. …

Well, I can’t imagine anything that’s better than cheese, but I’m referring to that hideous little nightmare called “Who Moved My Cheese,” that HRP made us read, live and breathe at Two Strikes. I’m a scurrier — yes, I agree with that — and she argued that I’m part hem, which, given her miserable, obstinate ass, she has a fat lot of room to talk. Hah.

At any rate, Shan is into this “One Minute Millionaire” book big-time, and she asked me to take their quiz about my place on the Dream Team that we want to create. I’m a hare, and I sound so damn nifty:

Your Answers Indicate A Hare Role

APPROACH: Conceptual/Spontaneous

DESCRIPTION: The Hare generates the concepts and ideas. They like to reframe the problem and look for solutions that may be unusual, unique,and/or outside the boundaries of traditional thought. Hares are good at exploring alternatives and perceiving the “big picture.”

Hares want freedom from constraint, and when a rule exists they may break it. They may act impulsively, letting their feelings guide them. They derive satisfaction from the process of creating,discussing concepts and ideas,and overcoming obstacles.

When everything is in its place, the Hare may become restless,get impatient,and have a tendency to move from one subject to another.

CONTRIBUTION: Fresh,original concepts that go beyond the obvious, and are not constrained by fear of failure.

WEAKNESESS: Because the Hare enjoys generating ideas, they may move from one idea to another without stopping to evaluate the consequences.

If left alone to refine concepts, they will solve the problem within the problem within the problem, and eventually lose sight of the objective.

INSTINCT: Reframing problems to achieve breakthrough solutions,moving in new directions, examining possibilities without regard to risk.

Shan’s a hare, too. Whatta shocker. 🙂 Hell, I’d rather be the hare than be the green animal in its shell, lying flat on its back, waiting for its next dose of Prozac. Like everyone else in this damn office. … At any rate, I’m ready to make the million that this book promises that I can!!!

She puts her pack of Marlboro Ultra Lights where her mouse is supposed to be, and is moving the pack around, wondering why she can’t click on her Toolbar Favorites. Sheesh. I’m lucky I managed to shave my legs without any major casualties, given this sleepy state.

Demure is gonna kick my ass, but I still don’t have her stupid layout done. She tried flying into my office after COB yesterday — I’d locked the door, in anticipation. She fretted because she’s meeting with Kumquat today at 10 and I still haven’t complied with their outrageous request. She asked if any submissions had come in, and I said of course not — like I’d told her, that stuff comes in at 5 p.m. on Thursday. I correct myself that I have an uphill battle — it’s more like mucking through a swamp on a skateboard. 🙂 Long, long day ahead. …

For as much reproducing as I’ve done lately, one would think that I were having sex or something. lol. At any rate, welcome my first daughter (yet my sixth child to love men!), Shan!

Shan beats the Kumquat to a pulp.

Sure, we all came from (and some have gone on to produce another generation of) dysfunctional families. So, then, what’s a guy to do but try to get $5 million for his own lot? They’re even willing to relocate!!!

I also give credit to the many who have attempted to sell their souls online. Hell, some days, I wonder if I’ve given mine away for free. … On a good note, though, I learned from Graphic Goddess that we’ve hired someone to do the layout of my publication for me. Thank god. Not that I am incapable of doing it, but it’s one less thing I don’t have to work my ass off for. Although, I’ll be doing a great deal of it anyway. Fuckers. Can I sell my job to the LOWEST bidder?!?!

Link via Jimmy.

I just saw what we pay our figureheads in stipends. Holy shit! We’re trying to figure out if this is a monthly, annual or biannual thing. Because if it is a monthly thing, the president makes in two months what I make in a year. And that just blows.

I realized today that now that Pussy Demure claimed no raise was ever budgeted for me in January, as everyone had promised me but is seeming to forget, then I am not eligible for a retro check in June. Motherfuckers. They can wipe their asses with their extra projects.

I was feeling charitable today when I got a call asking why the previous editor left. As the true PR queen that I can be, I said that he opted to pursue his graduate education full-time. Damn, I’m good. Then he asked if I’m the editor now. I said to just list my title as Idiot in Charge. Although, arguably, that title is more appropriate for a dozen OTHERS around here. But I digress.

I’ll bet that these yo-yos DON’T post his job, so that leaves me with a paltry poverty-level salary with the occasional bonus check of $500 before taxes. Oh goody. I saw that press day for the April issue is the day before our convention starts in Anaheim. And here I was planning on driving up to Pittsburgh to welcome my goddaughter Chloe into the world on Saint Patty’s Day. Now I’m going to be taking a red-eye flight into Convention Hell. Oh well. Shan and I were talking about staying an extra day or two after the shitdig — I mean shindig — is over, as her b/f can get us a discount on our hotel stay, thanx to his connections. Shit, we may NEVER come back!!!

Anyway, please visit my cartoon strip. Those are all catchphrases heard out of our mouths around here, so while it isn’t LOL-Funny (to you, anyway), perhaps you can understand why I bitch the way I do. Shan absolutely loved it and was in tears, she was laughing so hard. I decided that’s our reminder of WHY we need to head for the hills in the near future, and she said that is the FIRST thing going up in our new office. 🙂 ‘Cause we never want to forget WHY we need to work for ourselves!!!

I decided to chronicle a day at the Veggie Patch for Shan and me at Strip Creator. It’s not meant to be funny, just as painful as it feels. …

I didn’t do shit for work this weekend. And that’s OK. What are they doing for me? My thoughts, my being, my SLEEP is consumed by them. Last night, I dreamed about my tete-a-tete with Pussy Demure. Eeek! It’s like a dream out of Wes Craven’s head. Not pretty. Not one bit.

Had a lovely brunch at the Boulevard Woodgrill in Clarendon today with Bryan and Paul. We ate lots of good food and had wonderful drinks and good conversation. Then we went back to their place and I got to see all of their photos of Niagra Falls from their recent vacation (they were postcard-quality, I insist!), and they took me on a grand tour of all of their paintings and even B’s new sculptures in the apartment. Wow! And then, as if I weren’t feeling inspired enough from all the brilliant artsy works around the house, then they started reading their poetry to me. I even shared three of my poems that are posted online somewhere, and I have libraries more that they say they want to see.

It was quite an intellectual day. Most enjoyable. Those two are not only creatively brilliant, but also socially and emotionally intelligent. I was sad to leave, but I wanted to give them some alone time — they don’t seem to get enough of it, and I really wanted to call my Mom anyway. But the thing with Bryan and Paul and me, we don’t dwell on the negative (well, except for Bryan’s and my poetry!). We discuss, we process, we dream. And then we get back to what is really important, which is what’s going on in our lives right now as well as the possibilites that we have yet to encounter.

An unexpected visitor nearly threw me for a loop, but I had nothing to say, good or bad. It’s a new feeling, this void. Again, not good or bad, just different. The distance has been welcome, however, during this time, because I am the important one for me to focus on. While I can certainly appreciate his disgust that was the catalyst to his erratic and impulsive actions, well, I’m the one left in the ruins. And the only person I can feel sorry for right now is myself. I have no backup generator of energy right now to afford to anyone else. My heart is presently closed for repairs, and I’m eternally grateful to those near and far who are keeping theirs open for business for me during this trying time.

When I was making the commute from Alexandria to Arlington this morning, I did some hard thinking as I trekked 395-N. I have always, always pondered the meaning of life, and today, it’s as if the answer were written in the sunlight-illuminated clouds above. The answer, my friends, is to grow. We cannot regress, we cannot stagnate — we need to grow, in order to reach our full potential. And in the end, our growth process and progress is all we will have, after material possessions and friends and careers have come and gone. We will always have what we learned, who we loved and what we contributed to the world. He who dies with the most toys is not the winner — he (or she) who dies with the knowledge and satisfaction of having rolled with the punches and conquered life’s challenges in rapid succession and loved and gave love to those who mattered, to me, is the real hero.

On that note, I am in dire need of beauty rest for this incredibly, uh, challenging week ahead of me. Among the weeds, bees and beetles, Shan and I need to spray on the insect repellent and try to grow, despite the lack of nurturing sunlight that we desperately need in order to thrive. Like we keep saying, our endpoint is in late March. Here’s to hoping we don’t die on the vine until then. …

But one last thing —

GOOD LUCK ON YOUR INTERVIEW TOMORROW, BRYAN!!!!

Michelle over at A Small Victory has brought some ever-growing attention on her site to the problem of bullies in schools. The thing with bullies is that they destroy and devastate young, impressionable and fragile youth with their ridiculous mind games and physical threats. And those who are bullied, well, go one of three ways. They can ignore it and just have the scars for the rest of their lives, they can defend themselves or they can go and shoot up their schools.

I went into work tonight just to catch up with my massive amount of e-mails, and I got a letter from two high school students in Minneosta who did a paper on school bullies and thought it might be of interest to me. Granted, it had little to do with my job (they found me on my workplace’s website), but the irony is that I am a volunteer for Ribbon of Promise, the National Campaign to Prevent School Violence, founded in part by Shan’s dad after the deadly high school shooting spree in Springfield, Ore., a number of years ago. We have so many ideas how to promote it, but time is such a challenge for us. We figure that figuring out how to solve the bully issue in schools would be a good way to renew the public’s interest in the cause. Any thoughts? 🙂