Caterwauling

The dipshit who hit a car at 4 a.m. on I-95 and dragged the body of the driver, who was changing a flat tire, for eight miles, is claiming he wasn’t drunk. And of course he wasn’t drunk — he was coming from Nation. Nobody’s drunk there at 4 a.m. All I have to say is that I hope he enjoyed being on X in prison! And his passenger was somebody he only knows as “Eric.” I’m sure the kind of rear-ending he did (on the highway) wasn’t exactly the kind he WANTED to do that night!!!

I laughed my ASS off when William Hung performed on “American Idol” again tonight! Holy fucking shit — this kid’s got to have something seriously wrong with him! I was pleased, though, that they brought back Martha the little pixie chick from the Air Force — she was really good and should have made it through instead of all the other drooling nitwits they’ve had in the semi-finals. But I digress.

For some REAL talent, though, check out the Viking Kittens doing “Gay Bar” — hysterical!

Didn’t watch it. Couldn’t care less about it. But have a quote about it:

“We need to quit sending food to third-world countries and send it to Hollywood instead. These actresses need some CAKE!!!” — Bryan, Paul and me

I haven’t posted song lyrics in awhile, but I have this song in my head:

Rainbow Connection

By Kermit the Frog

“Why are there so many

Songs about rainbows

And what’s on the other side

Rainbows are visions

They’re only illusions

And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we’ve been told and some chose to

Believe it

But I know they’re wrong, wait and see

Someday we’ll find it

The Rainbow Connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me.”

I’d kill for an MP3 of this. 🙂

You are Snoopy!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
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(Found at Ted’s.)

Scot said the best thing to me today: “The more I do, the more I can do.” Fucking brilliant, although I tend to expect nothing less from him.

I need to keep that in mind as I am shoveling (bull)shit all day. Shan and I are convinced that most job titles should just be changed to “Shit Shoveler.” 🙂

Paul and Bryan invited me to dinner last night — they had something special to ask me. They are planning a marriage ceremony for May 15, and Bryan asked me to be the maid of honor. *sniff* I was thrilled! Each of them will have two witnesses at the nuptials, and for lack of better terminology, Shawn and I will be the bridesmaids. 🙂

OK, here’s where I need your help. I volunteered to do the wedding cake. I have yet to find a remotely decent bakery in the Arlington/Alexandria area (not for lack of trying), and I fear that I may have to drive to Pittsburgh to hit Prantl’s or the Oakmont Bakery and drive 250 miles with a wedding cake (which I really don’t want to do). Where should I go in the D.C. metro area for a good wedding cake?

I was happily reading and responding to e-mail this morning (where I found out my good friend Lori is having a baby girl in April! Yay Lori!), when I heard an explosion in the kitchen. Turns out that my dumb ass had started hard-boiling eggs, oh, like an hour before the explosion and I forgot all about them. The kids jumped 10 feet, as did I. When I went to the kitchen, there were five scorched eggs, two of which had spontaneously combusted. What a MESS!!!

I wanted to blog so many times this past week, but alas, no technology has pre-empted that. My computer at home is about to die, and I was hoping to buy a laptop with my tax return, but the feds are seizing it to pay for student loans (as well as now making the move to garnishing my pathetic wages — I couldn’t afford the payments in the first place, and now I’ll have to take a second job to get the f’in loans out of default. Wonderful).

In any event, I saw a lot of news while I was in Pittsburgh, and I wanted to share some latent rants about it.

Howard Stern

I was dismayed during my early-morning drive yesterday to find that Clear Channel gave Stern the boot from its stations. What. The. FUCK?!?! I was listening to Pittsburgh’s WXDX-FM, where I heard Stern for years, but all they played was music in the morning drive-time slot. I heard that, in the face of Tittygate and something having to do with “moral standards,” Stern apparently crossed some line of decency and his show was pulled.

I know the country was founded by uptight Puritans who wanted to practice their cult-like prissiness in complete freedom, but a few hundred years have passed since then. Not that you’d know it in this country.

Rosie O’Donnell

Last week, Rosie married her girlfriend Kelli. Congratulations to the happy couple and to everyone else who managed to beat the clock and celebrate long-overdue nuptials before the so-called “morality police” step in and try to make these unions null.

I was disappointed when my grandfather saw the news headlines and said that was an abomination. Look, his brothers are all illiterate and prejudiced, but to hear that coming from him started a big ol’ fight between the two of us because I expect better from him. I pointed out to him that maybe that might be my future — I haven’t exactly had the best of luck in the hetero dating world, and I would like to get married someday, but it might not be to that tall, dark, handsome and rich fellow that he wants me to find. He did admit that his parents taught him that same-sex unions were unacceptable, and I told him that what they were teaching in the 1930s is not what’s happening today. I also reminded him that whatever his family taught him, well, my family has taught me. And that doesn’t mean I have to accept or believe any of it. Mom eventually told me to shut up or the poor guy would have a heart attack, which he looked like he was going to do when the words, “I might just be a lesbian myself” came out of my mouth. 🙂 Of course, I told Mom that people who hold my grandfather’s beliefs are exactly the reason why I keep writing to my congressmen!

Planned Parenthood records being seized

Pittsburgh is one of six cities in which Planned Parenthood records are being seized for the feds to count how many late-term abortions were performed. I’m mostly pissed because the feds have access to my own personal medical information. Granted, I did it early, but still, that was the hardest thing I ever did and it never stops haunting me on a variety of levels. You know, this past Valentine’s Day, I would have had a two-year-old if I’d gone to term. In any event, it is said that the 18,000 patients’ records have been stripped of names and identifying information, but I’m still incensed. It’s bad enough when you have to fight your way through insane protesters to get through the front doors, and this only seems like they are getting their wish in making us feel worse than we already did. It’s like you can never truly move on.

I will admit that I did it for selfish reasons (young and poor — emphasis on poor), and I would never in a million years do it again at my age now. But if it would be medically necessary, I want that option to still be there for those who need it. I look at Shan who was deathly sick the whole time she was pregnant — she stuck it out but she was confined to bedrest at seven months (and delivered early because of it). She lost her quality of life in order to give life. Most people aren’t half as strong as her, and having a child should be a joyous event, not a life-threatening one.

More women’s health issues

Another one that hit home: Pap smears weren’t properly read at Magee Women’s Hospital, and people who were told their smears were fine are now being diagnosed with various stages of ovarian cancer. Not only was I born at that particular hospital, but well, I was referred there for some girly work in 2001, the same time these women were told they were healthy but were actually in pre-cancerous stages. Jesus H. Apparently doctor’s names were forged on lab results that were never even evaluated. I know they have thousands of patients, but damn, people are dying because of ineptitude. At my job, everyone is lax and does what little they do half-assed at best, but we aren’t in life-or-death situations. I haven’t had a smear since then (and mine was fine), although I’ve had enough pelvic exams since then to choke a horse. Just another worry to add to the pile, I suppose.

Airlines considering weighing passengers

OK, if you already are self-conscious about your size and thought the years of childhood teasing was behind you, think again. Airlines want to weigh us in addition to practically strip-searching us a dozen times before hopping on a flight. I figure, if I fit in the seat, I should be fine to fly. What are they going to do, ban overweight people from getting to their destination by plane? How much is too much? Are they going to make fat people buy an extra seat? I think the real problem lies in how much luggage people bring on board. When I was leaving Orange County at this time last year, I was joking with one of my colleages that she’d brought a bodybag instead of luggage — seriously, it looked like she kidnapped Mickey and Minnie Mouse in her one bag. I bring a suitcase, a bag for hanging garments, a purse and a jacket when I travel. I mix and match my suits so I can bring fewer items. I live with the same two pairs of shoes for a week at a time. It’s not difficult, but some people bring 10 pairs of shoes and a bunch of “just in case” outfits that they will never wear. Let’s try expediting the boarding process instead of lengthening it, mmm kay?

I need to quit watching the news. This shit’s going to kill me. 🙂

It only took me three hours to get to the Beltway from Pittsburgh. Then it took another hour to get home. Fucking traffic.

Off to work. Joy. Hope no calamities have arisen in my absence.

How was everyone’s week?