I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Don't sh*t where you eat

Last night I performed quite the feat. I shit on the dining room table.

Now, before you get in an uproar and tell me that stupid saying that you're not supposed to shit where you eat, hear me out. Mommy's throwing the table away. She had been planning to get rid of it in the move anyway, so it's not like anyone's going to eat where I shit.

But here's the fun part. It's a glass tabletop, which she had leaned against the wall behind Pooh Corner to deflect errant litter sprayings. When she came home last night, she sniffed and promptly asked me where I'd shit. I looked at her all innocently like, "Moi? Shit? Girls don't do that! Am all proper and ladylike. I've been sitting here on the couch all day -- I haven't done anything!"

And for awhile, she didn't see any errant cat droppings on the floor, so she wrote it off as Kadi having one of her noxious fart fests.

But then as she was scooping the box shortly thereafter, she discovered a perfect round turd stuck to the glass, about a foot above the floor.

Now, I've been known to take a shit and wipe my ass on a wall in my day, but she's still puzzling over how it was not a shit streak but rather a whole big, fat stinky turd, stuck to the wall.

Told you I'm clever - I can now add shitting up a wall to my 20-page resume of places I've crapped. How many other cats have mastered such a feat?!?!


At 4:39 PM, Blogger Sabre said...

Miss Maddie,

While my lovely cat Leslie isn't quite as talented as you are with the shit, she is quite adept at pissing on all manner of things. Her newest trick is to whiz all over my coat, while it's draped over the back of the kitchen chair. She's got some talent, and I do believe that I can safely say you are her inspiration and guide. She assures me that one day, she too will have learned this newest trick you have taught her.

Thanks for nuthin.

At 8:02 PM, Blogger Miss Sassy said...

I must bow to your prowess!!
Please tell me, is there a network you cats tell your tales to other cats on?
Lately my house has smelled of not only poo-fume but the spraying of EVERYTHING is making it so there is no telling where they Haven't marked. I instantly thought of you when I sat on the couch to find the cushions had that distinct scent... its only a matter of time before sabre's cat tells my cats how to get my coat on the chair...

Bravo on stumping the humans!!

At 9:19 AM, Blogger Dawn said...

OMG -- poo-fume. Too funny! Great, all Miss Madeline needs is more encouragement with her own signature fragrance line. ;)

And yes, it's true -- Maddie does communicate her evil deeds to other cats around the world through a process we like to call "assmosis."

At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Just for making me laugh, you deserve a dimebag or two of premium catnip.

At 2:18 PM, Blogger Petey said...

I look to you for inspiration, Maddie, thank you for helping me to work outside of the box.


Post a Comment

<< Home